Life Check Yourself Episode 308 – Do You Need to Ask if He is Sleeping with Other People? With Chris Gillis & Dr. Emily
Marni, Chris, and Dr. Emily discuss the four-hour, two-part drama that was this past week’s The Bachelor. Clayton wants all the cake and Susie says he can’t have his cake and eat it too. Finding common ground about whether Clayton was being a jerk or was justified in his actions is a slippery slope as you will hear in this in-depth Bachelor breakdown.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Defining gaslighting
- Setting clear expectations and boundaries
- Dating with dignity
- Taking responsibility for your actions
Sex & Love [1:31]
First, Hey Internet — Gaslighting is not what you think it is! Dr. Emily defines gaslighting as intentionally lying to make someone feel like they are crazy. Clayton was not gaslighting when he reacted to Susie’s confrontation, he may have been withholding information but that is not gaslighting.
Backstory if you missed the episode, Clayton tells two women he loves them. He also had physical relations with Rachel and Gabby. Susie confronts him saying that if he is having sex with other people then she’s out. She obviously doesn’t think he shares her values around sex and love. In her mind, why would Clayton have sex with other women if he is in love with her.
Chris says Susie was totally justified in what she said. She was direct and that is the communication style men understand. Marni disagrees saying that if you are dating someone IRL you would never know if they were sleeping with other people unless you ask.
Dr. Emily says when Clayton said ‘I love you’ he made everything more complicated. The women assume those three words mean commitment which is perfectly OK. But, until you have the conversation, you should not assume anything.
Marni, Dr. Emily & Chris do not come to a consensus about how much of a red flag Clayton’s actions were. He was rude and hurtful on purpose and that means somewhere down deep his little who felt rejected.
If you are dating someone and have values around sex it is important to communicate what your expectations are about having sex, being exclusive, being direct about feelings.
If He Only Had a Heart [19:41]
Clayton has done little to generate audience support. When he speaks it is without feeling. His actions look generated. It could be because his self-worth is low or that the show’s producers gave him a Bachelor playbook. He is inauthentic. To his credit, they are trying to date and find love in fabricated environments with scripts written by strangers.
Susie speaks her truth and sets a firm boundary. Clayton doesn’t want the relationship to be over but that is not Susie’s fault. She could have said something sooner but she doesn’t owe him anything.
When you set boundaries people may not like it but your boundaries are for you, not them.
Will Susie be the next Bachelorette?
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