Dating Den Episode 47 – With Julie: Be Careful What You Wish For, How To Make Sure Your Past Failed Relationships Don’t Mess Up A Good One
This call is a great example of when you are coming at dating from a place of self-worth and self-love it puts you in the power position.
And, it’s proof that Bumble and Tinder really work!
My client, Julie, met a great guy on Bumble. After a few weeks of dating, he asked her if she wanted to be exclusive. She has been putting her coaching into practice and has discovered that she communicates well with this new guy and he meets her boundaries. Sounds perfect right? But, Julie has some questions about meeting his children and challenges with dealing with her unresolved issues.
Julie Needs Support Now That Her New Relationship is Exclusive [3:01]
Julie’s new guy is a single dad. During the first weeks of their relationship, his kids were at camp. Now that things are settling down and back to a normal schedule, plus they have decided to become exclusive, Julie wants to know how she can show up in a healthy way in this new relationship.
Julie says she needs an emotional and physical connection from her new relationship.
Navigating the Family Aspect [8:57]
Julie’s new beau has been divorced for 9-months. He has made it clear he wants to be in a long-term relationship and possibly marry again. He has also made it clear he doesn’t want to introduce Julie to his 14-year-old daughter for 6-months.
Dating in your 40’s means new relationships may come with kids.
Unresolved Issues Come Through as Fear [15:06]
Julie is creating a challenge for herself. She believes she is always the last person men date before they meet “the one”. She may be injecting this limited belief into this relationship by collecting evidence that her limiting belief is right.
By making these assumptions, Julie is putting herself into victim and is creating a barrier to fully-expressing herself.
Trusting the Process [25:28]
By giving meaning to things based on her past she is staying in this story she has created. She will put this guy in the same place as the other guys which isn’t fair to him. She isn’t enjoying the current moments.
Julie needs to trust the process by:
- Accepting the facts, not the stories.
- Being aware of herself.
- Making conscious choices.
- Living in the moment, not in the past.
The foundational process is to love yourself, love your life and find a guy to love.