Dating Den Episode 165 – With the Women from Dateable: Are You Letting Your First Date Impression Limit Your Opportunity to Find a High-Quality Guy?
Are you thinking about dating online during COVID?
Do you think you can tell right away if a guy has potential to be a good fit for you…
If there’s a chance the two of you will have chemistry…
Of if he could be THE One?
Is it possible you’ve dismissed a certain guy too soon as not a fit…
Someone that you may have been REALLY attracted to… if you just gave him a chance?
You might be surprised…
Listen to this latest episode of the Dating Den and be prepared to have your mind blown!
This week in The Den I welcome Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hostesses of Dateable, a podcast Huffington Post reveals as one of 2020’s top ten podcasts about love and sex.
Julie, Yue, and I take a deep dive into all the online dating and relationship issues you want to know about, including:
- Should you trust your first impression with a guy or give someone another chance?
- Virtual dating tips while sheltering at home.
- Whether or not to go on a first date during quarantine
- How to go deeper during online conversations
- Love is Blind experiment results
- What to do if an ex starts texting again
Dating During COVID-19 [6:14]
Based on a poll posted on the Dateable Facebook group Julie says that a majority of the women who answered would meet a guy they met online during quarantine depending on the situation. The second highest majority of women said they would definitely not meet a guy face to face until the quarantine is lifted. Why meet face-to-face when such good things are coming out of video dating?
Video dating allows us to put the physical on hold and go deep if we let it, says Julie. But the use is starting to fade in some groups because they don’t know if they will ever get to meet the other person so it feels pointless to continue having virtual conversations. It’s important to remember that this is an opportunity to let something special build.
If you are thinking about meeting a guy face-to-face during quarantine, consider how many first dates are actually a success. Use this time to go deeper online first.
Marni recommends asking yourself ‘what’s the rush?’. What else are you doing? If you put your health at risk would you regret it more than just waiting to meet someone? If there is a connection now the connection will be there in a month.
Virtual Dating Tips [20:11]
Yue shares an example of how she customizes her dating experience on Zoom. She changes her virtual background to an exciting destination. She dresses like she is really visiting the exotic locale based on the weather forecast and asks her date to do the same. It’s a fun way to escape and charm your date.
Julie says she has reconnected with an old beau and has experimented with virtual sex which has been beneficial to the relationship. She says a lot of people are throwing virtual sex parties right now.
Video dating is a great way to have an adult conversation without fearing the sexual tension that goes along with physical closeness.
Toxic people can also come back into your life because people get lonely during quarantine. If an ex starts texting again ask yourself these questions:
- What didn’t work about the relationship the first time?
- How did we get to this point?
- How have I changed?
- How have they changed?
- Are our goals the same?
- What are the expectations of these new conversations?
- How am I feeling about it?
Takeaways from the Blind Date Experiment [28:25]
Julie and Yae started a blind date experiment before quarantine. There is one guy and three women. The guy had to speak with all three women three nights in a row and Julie and Yae gave him some conversation prompts designed to initiate deeper conversations. There was no baseline information such as age, race, height, etc. They wanted to see what connections could be made without the physical aspect.
The guy had to pick one woman to meet in person and it wasn’t who the ladies of Dateable didn’t think it would be.
A lot of people make their decision about someone just after one date, but with this experiment, the participants knew they had a minimum of three dates so they invested more time in getting to know one another.
Julie’s takeaway from the Love is Blind experiment is that there is something nice about just having audio, no visual because it causes you to deeply listen to the other person and to be present with them.
The problem with online dating though is that people think they have enough information to judge someone. Superficial presets on dating apps are all surface level. We don’t know if the other person is funny, caring, honest, etc. It causes people to pay more attention to the physical but the Love is Blind experiment allows daters to get past all that.
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