Dating Den Episode 173 - With Holly Martyn: 3 Strategies Smart Women in Their 40s Can Use to Meet Their High-Quality Man
Marni welcomes author and dating after divorce expert Holly Martyn into the Den to discuss her dating manual and memoir, Would It Kill You to Put on Some Lipstick?. Her book was inspired by an advice column by Joan Rivers and tells the story of Holly’s poignant journey of finding a high-quality guy in 100 or fewer dates. It’s a manual on how to navigate love, life, and happiness in midlife.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- 3 strategies to meet a high-quality guy
- Dating is a numbers game
- The importance of prioritizing your love life
- The wonderful aspects of dating in your 40s and 50s
- How to ask a man what he is looking for without wasting your time
Dating is a Numbers Game [2:07]
Joan Rivers started the conversation in an advice column. She told a single mother to put on some damn lipstick and get out there and date. Holly wondered if finding a high-quality guy really was a numbers game and decided to try it out for herself and journal her journey. She was in her 40s, had been in two long term relationships and it wasn’t working.
She didn’t want her daughter to grow up knowing her mother stayed in a bad relationship. Holy says demonstrating to our children about what works and what doesn’t when finding love is a teachable moment. It’s ok for our children to know that we are human beings and we are still learning.
3 Ways to Get a Date:
- Online/Dating Apps
- Ask friends and family if they know someone.
- Go out and get a meal by yourself and talk to new people.
All three options worked for Holly. She met men and women. One woman set her up on a blind date with a guy she dated for two years.
Whatever it is we prioritize in our lives we can make it happen. including our social lives.
You just have to keep going on dates. It’s like looking for a job. The dating process is a great way to know about men. Use the time to notice possible red flags.
Learning Through the Dating Process [19:10]
The adage is true ‘If we don’t change, nothing changes’. Holly had to examine relationships from her childhood and her previous marriages to see why those relationships broke down. Eventually, she became stronger and more confident in what she was looking for and how she wanted to be treated and she became more efficient in weeding out the wrong people upfront.
Women, especially women in their 40s and 50s need to ask a man what he is looking for within the first three dates. Figuring out if a guy is looking for the same thing as you is nothing to be ashamed of. Your time is important don’t waste it on a guy who doesn’t want a relationship if that is what you want.
Men will show you who they are very quickly.
One of the wonderful things about dating in your 40s, 50s, and beyond is something is freeing about not having the pressure of looking for a provider, a father, or someone our parents will approve of. Look for character more than characteristics.
Holly reaches out to all the women who stay in relationships or marriages but have doubts about it, she says it’s more important to be a model for your children about the beauty of contentment and satisfaction.