If you feel like your “picker” is broken (and you aren’t alone), we first want to direct you to Dating with Dignity’s Four signs of emotionally unavailable men so you can begin to spot them more easily. Make sure to read this article if you haven’t; and then, once you’re familiar with the signs, it’s time to take responsibility for your relationship results and begin to take steps to avoid these men at all costs. (Yes, even if he’s super hot, super successful, or has potential.)
What follows are Dating with Dignity’s four best tips and tricks to avoid men who are emotionally unavailable so you can fix your “picker” and get directly on the road to finding your Mr. Right!
1. Don’t settle for any relationship just because you want to be in a relationship.
If you’re at a place in your life where you’re ready for a relationship, that’s great news! However, it doesn’t mean you should settle for someone who only partially meets your needs just because, well, he’s partially meeting your needs.
(At Dating with Dignity we call this the “Relative Charm Factor”; e.g., relative to the rest of the men you’ve dated, he’s not half bad because at least he has a job, mostly shows up on time, and is great in bed.)
But if you’re dating someone whose actions aren’t matching his words, and you continue to be okay with the state of your “relationship,” you’re settling–and you deserve better than getting only some of your needs met. You deserve to have appropriate expectations, and it’s your responsibility to make sure they’re getting met.
2. If a man says right away that he’s not looking for a relationship, run in the opposite direction.
Yes, there are a few exceptions to this rule; however, chances are that if you’re reading here and a man told you he’s not looking for a relationship, HE WAS NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP.
The truth is this that men say what they mean and mean what they say. No matter how fabulous you are, he’ll not figure it out and become relationship ready. It just doesn’t happen in real life.
Note that this probably has little to nothing to do with you. If you’re presented with this information in a clear way and decide to ignore it, you’re basically welcoming a parade of unavailable men to trample all over your dating life–and your fabulous self does not need that.
3. Project yourself in a positive way. Love yourself.
If you have high self-esteem and surround yourself with positive energy, it will be much harder for the “bad men” to invade your space. It’s often said that you will attract what you project. So if you’re projecting negative energy, are not emotionally connected, or not projecting a confident vibe, that’s exactly what you’ll be attracting back to you. Remind yourself why people enjoy spending time with you and do just that.
4. Know what you want and practice communicating it.
It’s a really good idea to sit down and evaluate what it is you’re truly looking for in a relationship. (It’s one of the Dating with Dignity’s 10 Steps to Breaking Free from Your Romantic Rut and Manifesting the Love of Your Life.) When you have true intentions and defined dating goals, it will be much easier for you to communicate these intentions through your energy and the way you communicate.
If you’re confused about your dating needs and wants, an emotionally unavailable man can slip through the cracks. Mr. Boyfriend Material is going to be ready for the confident you: the one who communicates what she wants. In fact, while it’s almost counter intuitive, men are actually most attracted to women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to ask for it by using powerful, feminine communication.
So define your intention and don’t be afraid to talk about it. If your guy is relationship ready, he’ll be open to these types of conversations, and you will be closer to finding what you want (and Mr. Right)! Conversely, a Mr. Wrong who is emotionally unavailable will run for the hills when faced with this type of conversation, saving you time, energy and room to attract your Mr. Right.
Once you use these strategies consistently, you’ll be shocked at how easy it becomes to avoid men who are emotionally unavailable and confidently step forward on your journey to getting engaged!