Instead of wishing 2020 were ‘canceled’ or waiting until ‘things get back to normal’, here are three ways you can use this time to create epic love in your life! The truth is, there’s never been a better time to reinvent yourself and step into the life you’ve always wanted. If you’re ready to take intentional action right now, here are three ways you can turn that ember inside of you into a bright flame so that you can create a life where you feel on FIRE in everything you do, including love.
- Get into action using what we call the ASSESS, ADJUST and NURTURE principle. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have a little ember inside of you that knows that it’s too soon to give up on your dream to be in a healthy intimate relationship. That voice that tells you not to settle for a backup life where you are single, forever the favorite Auntie. It’s time to recognize that ember and honor that desire because it is the part of you that is authentic and empowered.
Unfortunately, for most of us, we feel like we have to fight to keep that ember alive. We feel like we are stuck on a dating treadmill, fighting against dating burnout, fighting against pandemic burnout, and fighting against all the circumstances seemingly standing in the way of living the life we dream about. Trying to solve this all at once is too overwhelming. Instead, break it into three smaller steps. First, you need to assess. Take a look at 2020, or even 2019 and ask yourself some important questions so that you can make a fair assessment. How many dates did you go on per month? How many of the men you dated were you excited about, that you wanted to see again? Is being ‘open’ starting to look like settling? Are you still with a guy who you know deep down will never give you what you want? Take 30 minutes this week to do this dating and relationship assessment and look for patterns. Now that you’ve assessed, it’s time to adjust! Once you are aware of some behaviors or belief patterns that are not helping you move forward, that are dampening that ember, create a plan to make some adjustments. Then, nurture yourself with a support system to hold you accountable to your dreams and stay engaged in the process. This could be a friend, a family member, or more structured support through a coach. (P.S. If you have not yet considered taking three days with me during our patented Ignite Your Life process to do this work, check it out here and carve out time now so you can be celebrating a new relationship in 2021!)
- Give up the FIGHT! As very successful high-achieving women, we learn that in order to get what we want we have to power through. We believe that we have to fight for what we want, that it is hard work to feel powerful when it comes to love. As you engage in step 1, imagine what it would look like if you were working through the process with effortless power versus powering through? How would you approach the process if you were excited and empowered? If your walls were down AND you felt strong and emotionally safe. Imagine it just for a moment, closing your eyes and allowing those feelings to be felt throughout your whole body. When you feel complete, open your eyes and write down one empowered action step you can take in which you are not fighting, reacting or acting from a place of fear or protection.
- Treat your LOVE life like you do your career! When you have a plan to change and know what to do, oftentimes it’s still challenging to do things differently. The bottom line is we have old wiring in our brain that makes it really hard to implement. Even if you have done personal work on your love life, there is something unconscious that is keeping you stuck year after year. Harness the part of you that would never settle for staying stuck in your career and start to look at other ways to solve your problem. To get a different result, remember that you might have to do something different. Research shows that great leaders are always looking for at least three new ideas to solve a problem that continues to exist. They don’t settle for “I can’t” or “I don’t know.” Leverage your leadership ability and your time to solve your love problem like you would a work problem. Get help. Be creative and innovative. Be efficient. What’s the part of the equation that you cannot yet see? Who can help you see things from a different perspective? Don’t let the circumstances that we are in stop you from creating love in your life in 2020, especially since so many of us have realized that it’s actually the one thing that is most important to us now. Remember that life is precious, as is every single breath and every single step you take. There has never been a better time to date, and it’s not too late to give up on your relationship goals for 2020. You have the opportunity right now to do things you never could before, to grow in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. Be fierce. Take back control, and make this year your B#$TCH!