Dating With Dignity

There is nothing more frustrating to the single woman than the moment she suspects the man she has tagged as “Mr. Possible Long-term Relationship,” begins to show signs of pulling away. Before we launch into signs he actually is “pulling away,” (there are signs you want to recognize) it’s critical to understand that, in truth, women may often only imagine the vanishing act is about to ensue when, in fact, it’s merely fear from past relationships that ended abruptly sparking your vivid imagination.

That said then, if the man you are dating has been consistently, over a four – eight week period for example, behaving as if he is interested in getting to know you better and the relationship is progressing, it could be a sign that it is YOU who is interpreting a variety of harmless behaviors as signs he is ready to bolt.

Why does this happen?

Often, the woman who says she is “ready to be in a relationship,” begins to imagine “pull away” syndrome (PAS) simply because she is truly terrified to begin to trust, become intimate (emotional as well as physically intimate) and may sabotage the process by leaking her fears. Here are two excellent examples of how this fear may surface:

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There are so many moments in our lives when we feel stuck. We see how we want to be, yet recognize that the negative thoughts and feelings we have are the result of certain triggers, such as situations or people, that make us feel powerless, reconnect us to the pain we are trying to leave behind, or create icky feelings of frustration. What’s most difficult is that it can happen when we least expect it, even during those moments when we are feeling super groovy.

When you are triggered, however, it doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in this icky feeling. There are techniques you can use to become aware of your reactions and then take responsibility for changing your thoughts, feelings, and actions to catapult yourself to a new level of awareness, happiness, and, ultimately, love of self and others.

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“Why am I still single?”

This question plagues just about every woman who comes to Dating With Dignity for coaching. Invariably, before coming to me for help, she has asked this same question of her girlfriends, her mother, her best male friend, and even her therapist. More often than not, when a woman comes to me for coaching, she has enjoyed success in so many other areas of her life, but has been unsuccessful at finding and/or keeping a loving relationship; and she is, to put it simply, mystified.

“It doesn’t make sense,” she declares. “Why?” she asks again. “Why am I STILL single?”

If you are asking yourself—and your friends, family, and mental health professionals—this question, I can help. The first step is examining the often contradictory and self-defeating beliefs that lie deep in your heart—beliefs you may not have admitted to yourself, let alone anyone else. These beliefs are likely the biggest obstacles standing between you and the relationship you desire. Once you’ve uncovered these beliefs, you’ll be ready to shed the “It doesn’t make sense” mantra and get on with making the changes necessary to find
the relationship of your dreams.

So, Why Are You Still Single?

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If you’re going to be in the L.A. area on Monday, September 12 at 7pm, click here to register for our live event: How to Master Feminine Communication and Get What You Need Without Being a Bitch, Shedding a Tear, or Slamming the Door!