Dating With Dignity

by Sharon M. Rivkin, MA, MFT, Conflict Resolution and Affairs Expert

You’re in a new relationship, and you’re starting to see some red flags. Does that mean you should leave? How do you know if the red flags mean future disaster, or are just a warning?

You can begin to get clear about staying or leaving by looking at your negotiables and non-negotiables. These are the patterns of behavior that you can deal with (negotiable) or you can’t (non-negotiable). A negotiable doesn’t go against your integrity, but a non-negotiable does. For example, if you value honesty in your relationships, and your partner is continually lying to you, that is a non-negotiable. How could you really have a healthy relationship with someone whose very behavior goes against the essence of who you are? If you compromise on this behavior by deciding that sometimes lying is okay, you are cutting into the deepest part of your psyche. Non-negotiables are those issues that you will not compromise on because it goes deeply against your values.

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By: Lisa Steadman

Be honest. Do you think your ex was The One? Are you paralyzed by the fear that you don’t have what it takes to get love right? Do you spend countless nights lying awake, obsessing about how much time you’ve wasted in relationship after relationship that just never worked out? I get it. I’ve been there. And as someone who once got love wrong every time until she woke up, wised up, and manifested Mr. Right, I want to share with you the most common traps that are keeping YOUR Mr. Right from showing up.

Trap #1: You’re stuck in what could have been

Do thoughts of “What could have been” keep you up at night? Are you haunted by the disappointment you feel at what your future could have looked like but never quite materialized? If you’re nodding your head right about now, I get it. I’ve been there. And so have so many other smart, successful, amazing women just like you. As women, we’re genetically and socially wired to want certain things: a home, someone to love, possibly a family.

When a relationship ends, it’s like a part of our soul dies. The disappointment in ourselves and our inability to make love work can stifle any hopes of moving into our amazing future. But guess what? It’s time to turn down the volume on that pain and disappointment. It’s time to accept that for whatever reason, things didn’t work. You did your very best. In fact, I know you did more than your share to ensure relationship success. You don’t have to know why the relationship ended in order to move on. But you do have to give yourself permission to stop looking over your shoulder, stop obsessing about “What could’ve been,” and instead reacquaint yourself with your present circumstances, freeing yourself up to walk step by step into that magnificent future.

Trap #2: You feel like a failure at love

When you look back at past relationships and see that the only two common denominators are you and the fact that the relationship ended, it’s easy to fall into the false assumption that you must be a failure at love. And while it’s true that you participated in each and every one of those past relationships, it’s also true that there was something about each of those relationships that worked for you at the time. On some level (emotionally, spiritually, sexually, etc.), you got something out of it. And you stayed because that need was being fulfilled.

The truth is, you are not a failure at love. If you apply the lessons you’re learning from past relationships to your future, you’ll never again repeat those same issues, patterns, and mistakes. In fact, if you apply the Goldilocks principle to your next relationship, learning from what did and didn’t work in the past, you may even get it “just right” next time!

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By: Christian Anderson

Pop Quiz: You just returned home from an awesome date with a new guy. You ended the date with a nice hug goodbye (always better because it keeps him wanting more, and keeps you looking ultra classy), and are feeling really excited. Which of the following should you NOT do next?

A) call your girl friend to tell her how great the date was.

B) get some good shut eye.

C) have a night cap and take the dog for a nice walk.

D) text the guy and tell him again what an amazing time you had, and how you can’t wait for your next date.

E) ANYTHING BUT D

Yep, it’s D. Somewhere along the way, someone started a rumor that sending out a text once you get home to cap the night with a little love tap is a good idea. I see it all the time. I hear about it all the time. And I’m here to tell you: don’t believe the hype-it’s not the best move. Why?

Because it’s always good to keep him wanting more, and you want that hug goodbye to be the last impression for the night. A little love note via text now moves you from “cool classy girl I just went on a great date with and could not steal a kiss from,” to “Oh, she is totally into this and getting awfully girly awfully quick. Crap, this was going so well. Darn, maybe I should take my time calling her again.”

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By: Christina Morassi
Visit the “Heart Shot” Photographer’s website here, at www.christinamorassi.com

Guest Post By Mr. Quality Casual: Unlock Your Unique Genius To Attract An Awesome Relationship (& Life!)

In case you haven’t heard of Marni’s “Quality Casual” type of MAnimal, it’s her definition of a high-quality guy who means well, but when push comes to shove, won’t commit. Well ta-dah! I am the original “Mr. Quality Casual” that Marni likes to use in her examples, and I’m writing here to share a critical life lesson and a video that could change your life.

I’m a great guy who, for three years, wasn’t ready to & didn’t want to commit. And yet about a year ago, I MaNVolved into a long-term, committed relationship.

What changed for me was unlocking my Unique Genius: discovering my purpose & living it every day, in my highest way. Through this I found more balance, enjoyment, clarity, confidence and an ability to attract an amazing community of people to myself…including my partner Finding long-term purpose in my life led to being ready to find a long-term relationship.

Have you heard the term “like attracts like”?

If you want a confident & positive partner, you are more likely to attract one (and keep them long-term), if you’re confident & positive as well. If you want an all-around amazing partner, doesn’t it make sense that you’re more likely to attract and stay with a life partner the more amazing you are as a person?

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By: Maya Burkenroad

Girls in bathrooms listening to their friends’ advice is pretty much the bane of our society’s existence.

This is where 97% of text messages you wish you wouldn’t have sent, and 88% calls you wish you wouldn’t have made, happen. While in the bathroom the other night at a local watering hole with several clearly intoxicated girls – one especially drunk one is excited about a guy she is crushing on. Her friends obviously wanting to sabotage her ( only obvious to me, definitely not to her), encourage her to send the following text (which she thinks is genius as- is) “I’m in your hood, what are you up to?”

Sigh. Bathroom Psychologist here. You surrree you want to send that? It is evident to me that this is a guy the girl likes. He has not asked her out on a date yet, or she would not feel it necessary to enlighten him with her geographic location. Conveniently near his home . . . Which seems borderline stalker ish if you ask me.

Which she didn’t.

I suddenly see a future for myself; sitting in the bathrooms of bars and clubs in the los angeles area – inviting girls onto the couch, or closest toilet bowl. Glasses on, pencil perched to paper, “so how does that make you feel?”

I can singlehandledly stop girls from ruining their potential future relationships! Only problem, can I stop myself?

Today’s guest blog comes to us from Karen Kleinwort of Therapy in Transition, a Portland-based company offering a unique integration of mind, body and spirit to empower and enrich clients’ lives by supporting them to embrace change positively and permanently.

Fulfilling and loving relationships expand the beauty of life, but finding these can prove harrowing. Everyone experiences her share of heartbreak over the course of a lifetime, but finding that kind of fulfillment and love can make such heartbreak worth it when you come out the other side.

Many people believe fate holds the responsibility of their finding love, but the truth is we bear the responsibility for the people whom we attract into our lives via our thoughts and actions. If you’re familiar with the concept of Karma and the Law of Attraction, you know they apply to personal relationships as well. The best part? Even if you don’t find the current state of your present relationship satisfactory—or you’re still recovering from heartbreak—you can start with a clean state to attract love into your life.

Remember, dwelling on betrayal and emotional pain from the past doesn’t affect the person who hurt you; rather, it only hurts you and holds you back. Similarly, comparing new potential partners with those who haunt you only prevents you from properly exploring the possibility of new relationships.

When you find yourself dissatisfied with the state of a relationship, commit to examining why this is so. Do you turn the Golden Rule on its head and treat yourself as you want others to treat you? Do you focus too much on pleasing others? Are you happy with who you are and where you’re going? Asking yourself these questions will allow you to determine what elements of your life stop you from enjoying fulfilling relationships.

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