Dating With Dignity

By Larry Michel

The New Year is almost here – full of resolutions and promises.  If you are single, you might have the resolution to meet someone special this year.  If so, this is a perfect time to give careful thought to what you are looking for in a relationship.  Most people base compatibility on just physical characteristics and mental characteristics.

The physical part is everything we see. If the person has the right look, size and shape, energy level and even in the same geographical area, you have a good physical match.

The mental part is what most of us think is everything else. It’s who the person is. How they were raised, what they believe in. What hopes, dreams and wishes they have. Their spiritual beliefs, desires for family, travel and other activities. Their taste in clothes, music and entertainment. In a nutshell this is called the product of nurturing — what we have become since birth and how we chose to live today.  If this is a great match, you may be well on your way to a wonderful relationship.

If the physical and mental parts are both wonderful for each of you, then this should be a great match, right?  That’s what the online dating sites want us to believe, which is why we see every site construct their profiles the same way. Plenty of pictures, videos and audios and a good series of descriptions or profiles matched by questionnaires.

This does not work for the same reason a relationship based on just the physical and emotional aspects of the relationship is typically in for some big surprises. When they do work, it is a very lucky match.

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By Dr. Anna Michelle

The holiday season is not quite over till the New Year’s Eve ball drops.  Some of you may still be on vacation, visiting with family, or still recovering from Christmas a few days ago.  The holidays can put more stress and strain on a relationship than usual. Whether it’s extra commitments, less financial resources, increased family gatherings, or more activities than usual, any one of these reasons can cause tension in a relationship. Not to mention, over indulging in sugary foods, alcohol and eating more than usual intensifies anxiety, and can run the risk of turning your holiday cheer into the holiday blues.

Here are some tips on how to stress-proof your relationship for the holidays…

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By Bobbi Palmer

New Year’s Eve is approaching – that special night where you put on your little black dress, go out on the town, and celebrate – well, sort of.  If the biggest party night of the year has your stomach tied in knots because you’re single, you might want to read on.

When I was single, New Year’s Eve put me in a funk. With no one to take to parties or make out with at midnight, I was reminded of what I still wanted in my life: a loving man.

I’m married now, and so grateful to have a magnificent man in my life. But as I talk to my single girlfriends and coach my clients, I feel for them; and I still feel my sadness and disappointment as if it was yesterday.

Here is some advice I wish I had gotten when I was single. Not only do I want to help you get more joy out or your New Year’s Eve, I want to help you avoid unnecessary drama.

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By Patty Contenta

Through my research and personal experience, I’ve found 3 mistakes are responsible for women not being approached by men. The scary part is that this could be happening to You without you knowing it.

Mistake #1: Standing With Your Legs Apart

A man likes to feel masculine, like he has mental and physical strength…regardless of his size. The dominance that he tries to portray can be seen by the way he stands with his legs apart and chest lifted. His goal is to take up space to demonstrate power.

So when a woman stands with her legs apart, she’s taking a dominant role. She’s taking the lead and a very masculine man will avoid you because you’re confronting his stature without saying a word.

I too have been in this same scenario where my need to be noticed for the smart, strong woman I am was coming out loud and clear for every man to see… yet no one approached me.

A man is naturally attracted to a playful woman that oozes sensuality… something he is clueless about. He wants to sense an air of invitation so that if he takes a chance to approach you, you won’t reject him on the spot.

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By Carol Allen

Ah, the holidays. Such a magical, romantic time.

Just think – you and your sweetie will decorate the tree, share a romantic sleigh ride in the snow, and go hand-in-hand caroling through your neighborhood drinking hot cocoa…

(Cue the scratching record on the record player right about now…)

If your most romantic holiday moments consist of getting groped by the jerky mail room guy at your annual office party, getting escorted out of Target by a teenage security guard for making a scene in the store, or getting hit on by the creepy guy at the Christmas Tree lot as he ties your fake blue tree to the top of your car, then you need some serious help!

The holidays are commonly a painful time in our love lives, whether you’re single or attached.

Why? A pesky little thing called “expectations”…

You know – you’re hoping for something shiny under the tree or menorah, yet all you get is a new blender (fill in any “practical” item with a cord attached here).

Or you’re dreaming of meeting “the one” by New Year’s, and yet there you are by yourself in front of the TV as the clock strikes twelve with no one to kiss.

And worst of all is your family pressure – if your Uncle Morrie asks you one more time, “So, why are you still single?” or “When are you two gonna have a baby?” you’ll scream…

If any of this is making you want to skip the season all together, then remember:

It may just be that your guy or gal has NO IDEA what your expectations are.

To make matters worse, he or she has a BUNCH of their own “unspoken” ideas of how things SHOULD and WILL go with YOU!

Here’s why – every relationship is actually TWO relationships.

The one you’re having and the one the other person is having.

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Often women meet men to whom they are attracted, yet seem to “freeze” when the man shows he is interested.  It’s not that she doesn’t know how to flirt, she has done her “flirt” thing effectively, but when, in fact, Mr. Available moves forward and reciprocates, she feels awkward, uncomfortable and confused.

There are a variety of possible feelings to consider that maybe be at the cause of the “freeze” including:

1.  The Limiting Belief that he wants her “only for sex,” which causes her to pull-away and activates any residual baggage regarding men, her worth or her inability to say, “no.”

2.  The fear that she will now have to keep him interested, and she is unsure or lacks confidence on her ability to be successful.

3.  She is filled with self doubt, and is thus too scared to explore the possibility of dating, having to set appropriate boundaries, or get engaged in something that at some point could include rejection, hurt, or failure.

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