Dating With Dignity

On Tuesday night I was overcome with a major craving for ice cream. And I’m not talking plain Jane vanilla from the supermarket. I wanted a sundae, with toppings galore. I tried to fight it for about five minutes, before abandoning all diligence and driving to Baskin Robbins. I could barely contain myself as I walked into the store. There were so many flavors—31 to be exact—and I couldn’t wait to decide which one I was going to take home.

The last time I gave into my ice cream craving I chose a really rich Oreo ice cream. It was dark chocolate fudge, with buckets of the Oreo cream and cookie parts crushed up. It was decadent. For toppings, I got additional Oreo bits and pieces, M&M’s, extra hot fudge and sprinkles—rainbow, obviously. Anyway, I brought my ice cream home and dove right in. And while I pride myself on being able to handle large amounts of sweets at one time, this particular sundae was too rich. I got about one-third of the way through before I had to throw it out.

I recalled this experience as I continued to peruse the ice cream containers and contemplated whether or not to spring for the Oreo ice cream again. I tossed the idea around in my mind for a while, before ultimately deciding to go for a little Vanilla-Cake Batter number, complete with chewy bits of cake and rainbow sprinkles. It was simple enough to allow me to go crazy with my toppings, while providing a sweet and stable base to return to when all the extras got to be too much to handle.

I felt confident in my decision, and just as I was about to place my order, I saw that the Oreo ice cream was noticeably absent from the glass case. I kid you not, my pulse quickened. Are you kidding me? Suddenly it was all I could think of. Vanilla-Cake what? I needed my Oreo ice cream, and I needed it now.

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Happy New Year Dignity Daters! I’m leaving Maui today, and will be back in the office Tuesday ready to kick off an incredible year of workshops, classes, retreats and coaching products designed to help make 2010 the your year your life is transformed beyond  your wildest dreams. Today is our last Guest Blog for a while, and it’s one of my favorites because it’s written by my Marketing Assistant, Angelica Martin. You might remember that her father died a few weeks ago, and she’s spent the last few weeks with family in New York dealing with her past, while simultaneously trying to create a new future that makes sense. Her story continues today…. Enjoy and, for the last time until next December, Aloha.

I’m typically not a very festive person, but the New Year is different. It’s the ultimate new beginning, the epitome of a fresh start, a clean slate. Every year I get really excited about rearranging my priorities, setting goals, and making the coming year my best year ever!

Until somewhere around January 5th. Because I can’t stick with anything, and because it’s too hard and time consuming to be diligent, and because, quite frankly, I’ve been making all of the wrong resolutions. I’ve been resolving to quit smoking for years. And I did quit smoking, on a random Wednesday this past November. I’ve been meaning to pay off my credit card, but I never do. Something always comes up and I like to shop. I can’t help it.
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While I intended to write a blog today discussing internet dating pitfalls, something critical came up today in the Dating With Dignity office.  Angelica, the Marketing Assistant, made a mistake.  Here is her story.

The bottom line:  Listen and learn.

And then…

don’t hit send.

By Angelica Martin, Dating With Dignity Marketing Assistant

Ex Rx; Don’t Hit Send!

I have something embarrassing to share with you all today: I’ve made a mistake. Maybe awful, maybe not, but I’m sharing it with you in the hopes that you will remember my lapse in judgment should you ever find yourself in a similarly dreadful situation.

I emailed an ex last night. And he’s not just any ex. He’s an ex that shattered my sense of strength until I couldn’t recognize the needy, blubbering mess I had become. He’s an ex that never should have been an ex to begin with because we never, ever should have been together. He’s an ex that immediately following our less than respectable ending entered into a relationship with another woman. In the month since this has happened I have found myself stumbling in between a myriad of different emotions, from confusion, to self-pity, to misguided determination.

I want to let you know that I have been strong. I haven’t called, texted, or emailed since that last conversation. Of course it’s been difficult, but I have assured myself in moments of weakness that, although I am feeling desperately in need of some sort of explanation or closure now, as time goes on that need will dissipate, until this situation simply will not matter any longer. Yet last night, I inexplicably disregarded my newly acquired strength, dismissed all of my convictions, and clicked send.

Well, he hasn’t responded. And I have been informed that his new girlfriend is aware of my indiscretion. So now, along with confusion and self-pity, we can add mortified, angry, embarrassed, and discouraged to the host of emotions inhabiting my being this month.

So let this be a warning to you: Don’t do what I did. Don’t contact him. Don’t email him. Don’t, don’t, don’t. Whatever delusions you have created in your mind of a reunion, or even a respectable response, will more than likely not happen. Men aren’t like us. They can’t be won back with verbal tap dances, and they aren’t flattered by proclamations of undying love and admiration. They simply don’t respond to that type of thing. That’s why they don’t like romantic comedies and would rather not look for evidence that the two of you are destined by the Gods to be together forever.

Should you choose to contact him, know that you will be left feeling worse than you did before. And please, dignity dater, understand what I know intellectually to be true, but emotionally dismiss while momentarily overcome with thoughts about the past and delusions about the present: where he is right now, is where he wants to be.