Dating With Dignity

Question: Is appropriate for a woman to pursue a man online? How long should I communicate online through email before meeting in person?

Well folks, here’s the dealio:

1. Both men and women can initiate contact online! If you are interested in someone’s profile online, feel free to write them to say hi. Send a short, one paragraph email mentioning something specific you have read about them in their profile. Nobody likes to receive a generic cut/paste email. Take a few minutes to really read their profile. Did they mention a book or class they have taken? Take an extra second to do a google search on that topic, become quickly familiar with the thing they have referenced, and then mention it in your email.

Bottom line? Show that you are doing more than shopping for pictures. Let the person know you are interested in him or her, their interests, and tell him/her why you think you could be a good match. One paragraph is fine! A great email close? Try this: ”I would love to meet you soon, John, to hear more about (insert topic, book title, vacation they mentioned etc). Let me know when you are free!”

If you do not hear back from “John,” do not lament. Instead, know that in some way the Universe was protecting you from wasting time with someone who is “not a match.” Don’t write back. Don’t wink. Let it go, moving on to create space for someone new. If you receive an email and are not interested, take time to write a brief email that looks something like this: “Hi Brad. Thanks so much for taking the time to write to me. While I am flattered by your inquiry, I believe we are not a good match. Best of luck in your search.”

2. Move past email communication quickly. Take a quick pit stop at texting if you must, pause to talk on the phone once or twice, but make sure you are headed towards the face-to-face meeting within one week – 10 days. Don’t invest time and energy in someone you don’t know. Don’t share intimate details about yourself, your life, your hopes or your dreams online. Make sure emails don’t become journal entries. Be positive. Upbeat. Don’t become friends on Facebook.

If a man continues to email you without moving to the next step, let him know you would like to meet, however do NOT ask him on the date. Simply write something like this: ”I’ve enjoyed communicating via email, but would love to be able to chat in person soon. Looking forward to speaking with you.” By using the word, “speaking,” you are letting him know that you are very close to being done with email communication. Then, let it go. If he does not write you to invite you to meet, or request your phone number, move on. Do not write back.

Women need to be patient. Create space for a man to invite you out, or take the online interaction to the next level. Men, please don’t linger in email hell. Instead, cut to the chase, make a plan to talk on the phone. Ask her out on a date via phone. (remember, you aren’t expected to chat with her for hours) And don’t forget, make sure your first date with someone you have met online involves meeting for something quick, such as coffee or a drink. Not a match? Hang in. Be polite. Don’t make promises to “call you soon,” if you won’t. Remember the Dating With Dignity Mantra, “It’s not a match!”

Now that you know how to pursue a man online, do you want to know how to tweak your profile so more of the men you WANT start pursuing YOU online? Check out these 5 Can’t Miss Strategies for Online Dating Success!

By Dr. Anna Michelle

The holiday season is not quite over till the New Year’s Eve ball drops.  Some of you may still be on vacation, visiting with family, or still recovering from Christmas a few days ago.  The holidays can put more stress and strain on a relationship than usual. Whether it’s extra commitments, less financial resources, increased family gatherings, or more activities than usual, any one of these reasons can cause tension in a relationship. Not to mention, over indulging in sugary foods, alcohol and eating more than usual intensifies anxiety, and can run the risk of turning your holiday cheer into the holiday blues.

Here are some tips on how to stress-proof your relationship for the holidays…

Read the rest of this entry →

By Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach

Every now and then Ho Ho Ho time rolls around on the calendar and yet life seems to have dumped a pile of coal on the old doorstep. Someone you love is sick, mad at you, a relationship recently fell apart, there’s been a recent disappointment – life has thrown you something that has you feeling hollow, sad, anxious, or just plain BLAH.

We all have our Bah Humbug moments. Even the most cheerful, upbeat, positive people have them. What to do?

First thing? Just acknowledge it. Go ahead, say it out loud. “I’m having a Bah Humbug Moment! I’m supposed to be all festive, happy and cheery and instead I feel more like crawling under a rock and hiding until springtime.” Congrats – you just woke up to what’s real for you. Great. You’re half way through.

Read the rest of this entry →

We’ve invited a panel of stellar dating and relationship experts to share their insights on how to maximize your date-ability and relationship-readiness during the challenging holiday season.  Please visit our blog from December 15- January 1, as each day we’ll have a new expert weigh in.

Honing in on Your Holiday Date-ability Inventory

By David Wygant

It’s the season that the invitations for get-togethers are flowing and the holiday office parties are right around the corner. When it comes to times of year when singles obsess about their “date-ability” factor, the end-of-the-year holidays rank right up there with Valentine’s Day.

With this weighing on you, now is a great time to do your year-end inventory. Take this opportunity to take into consideration how your year, your friends and your life really turned out in the past 12 months. Let all that holiday cheer slap a smile on your face. By the time New Year’s Day rolls around, you’ll be ready to start anew.

That’s really the mentality of many people: January 1 comes, clean slate, we get to start all over again, we have all these ridiculous New Year’s resolutions, and then we get to break them throughout the course of the year to get to the end of December again.

But here’s a truth that most people are not saying: You’re also bringing all of your old habits, you’re bringing all of your past experiences with you into the next year.  You can’t escape you, no matter what you do.  There’s no escape.  And there shouldn’t be.

So what should you be doing this December while you’re really cleaning house for the holidays and doing your year-end inventory?  You need to ask yourself: Do you really possess all the skills that you desire to go out there and meet all the men you want to meet next year?  Do you even know how to put yourself out there and attract and flirt with men?

Are you a woman who’s waiting for men to approach you over and over again, and hope that you find the right location to meet men next year so they can approach you?  If so, I call you the passive waiter.  No matter where you are, you’re always hoping and waiting for something to happen.  You’re always hoping that if you go out, some man will come over and want to meet you.

January 1 is not going to change that.  The end of the year is coming, and it’s time that you are more honest with yourself.  What do you need to learn in order to attract men?  What type of mind set changes do you need to have?  And are you still the kind of woman who is waiting, hoping, and praying you meet the right guy?

Take a look at the number of dates you’ve gone on this year and ask yourself, are you happy with that number?  Now I want you to go even deeper with yourself and ask yourself this question: how do you increase that number?  I can tell you one thing from my years of experience coaching women all over the country:  it’s going to take work, it’s going to take an effort, and it’s going to take more than getting dressed and standing around.  It’s going to take more than just depositing yourself at the right social scenes.  It’s about learning how to flirt the right way with men to let them know you’re interested, learning how to be happy and comfortable with flirting and forgetting about that thing called “rejection.”

The holidays are happening whether you’re ready for them or not. By the time the new year rolls around, you’re going to want to be ready to hit the ground running. But don’t expect a seasonal miracle; you’re going to have to put in some real work between now and then to learn new things about yourself and the dating game.

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship coach, author and speaker.  His advice has transformed the dating lives and relationships of hundreds of thousands of people from every corner of the globe.  He offers his advice as a writer for Ask Men, Huffington Post and across television segments, newspapers and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health and E! Entertainment Television — as well as on over 2,000 radio shows. To find out more about David and all of his dating and relationship-building products, visit him on his website at http://www.davidwygant.com.

The excitement of this process has begun to wear off, and Carolin is realizing that creating change and transforming your life is hard work. Will she quit before the process even begins? Click the link below to watch today’s episode!

Read the rest of this entry →

On this episode of “Ignite Your Life LIVE” Carolin learns her credit is in a state of disrepair and that she and her partner didn’t get the house they were hoping to move into. Will she be able to find somewhere safe to raise her kids and create a home? Click the link below to watch this episode!

Read the rest of this entry →

Follow Carolin’s Inspirational Journey!

Enter your info below and we’ll send you quick notes along the way as Carolin shares her Ignite Your Life journal and video blog posts at Dating With Dignity!

The truth is, many successful, independent women get pegged as being “bitches” when they get into conflict with others, especially at work. Perhaps we are triggered because the person we are with is being condescending, rude, impatient or darn right mean. In any case, the challenge becomes not getting entrenched into the lower, negative energy of the person with whom we are dealing because we want to “win,” or be perceived as being “right.”

Read the rest of this entry →