Dating With Dignity

By Dr. Anna Michelle

The holiday season is not quite over till the New Year’s Eve ball drops.  Some of you may still be on vacation, visiting with family, or still recovering from Christmas a few days ago.  The holidays can put more stress and strain on a relationship than usual. Whether it’s extra commitments, less financial resources, increased family gatherings, or more activities than usual, any one of these reasons can cause tension in a relationship. Not to mention, over indulging in sugary foods, alcohol and eating more than usual intensifies anxiety, and can run the risk of turning your holiday cheer into the holiday blues.

Here are some tips on how to stress-proof your relationship for the holidays…

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By Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach

Every now and then Ho Ho Ho time rolls around on the calendar and yet life seems to have dumped a pile of coal on the old doorstep. Someone you love is sick, mad at you, a relationship recently fell apart, there’s been a recent disappointment – life has thrown you something that has you feeling hollow, sad, anxious, or just plain BLAH.

We all have our Bah Humbug moments. Even the most cheerful, upbeat, positive people have them. What to do?

First thing? Just acknowledge it. Go ahead, say it out loud. “I’m having a Bah Humbug Moment! I’m supposed to be all festive, happy and cheery and instead I feel more like crawling under a rock and hiding until springtime.” Congrats – you just woke up to what’s real for you. Great. You’re half way through.

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We’ve invited a panel of stellar dating and relationship experts to share their insights on how to maximize your date-ability and relationship-readiness during the challenging holiday season.  Please visit our blog from December 15- January 1, as each day we’ll have a new expert weigh in.

Honing in on Your Holiday Date-ability Inventory

By David Wygant

It’s the season that the invitations for get-togethers are flowing and the holiday office parties are right around the corner. When it comes to times of year when singles obsess about their “date-ability” factor, the end-of-the-year holidays rank right up there with Valentine’s Day.

With this weighing on you, now is a great time to do your year-end inventory. Take this opportunity to take into consideration how your year, your friends and your life really turned out in the past 12 months. Let all that holiday cheer slap a smile on your face. By the time New Year’s Day rolls around, you’ll be ready to start anew.

That’s really the mentality of many people: January 1 comes, clean slate, we get to start all over again, we have all these ridiculous New Year’s resolutions, and then we get to break them throughout the course of the year to get to the end of December again.

But here’s a truth that most people are not saying: You’re also bringing all of your old habits, you’re bringing all of your past experiences with you into the next year.  You can’t escape you, no matter what you do.  There’s no escape.  And there shouldn’t be.

So what should you be doing this December while you’re really cleaning house for the holidays and doing your year-end inventory?  You need to ask yourself: Do you really possess all the skills that you desire to go out there and meet all the men you want to meet next year?  Do you even know how to put yourself out there and attract and flirt with men?

Are you a woman who’s waiting for men to approach you over and over again, and hope that you find the right location to meet men next year so they can approach you?  If so, I call you the passive waiter.  No matter where you are, you’re always hoping and waiting for something to happen.  You’re always hoping that if you go out, some man will come over and want to meet you.

January 1 is not going to change that.  The end of the year is coming, and it’s time that you are more honest with yourself.  What do you need to learn in order to attract men?  What type of mind set changes do you need to have?  And are you still the kind of woman who is waiting, hoping, and praying you meet the right guy?

Take a look at the number of dates you’ve gone on this year and ask yourself, are you happy with that number?  Now I want you to go even deeper with yourself and ask yourself this question: how do you increase that number?  I can tell you one thing from my years of experience coaching women all over the country:  it’s going to take work, it’s going to take an effort, and it’s going to take more than getting dressed and standing around.  It’s going to take more than just depositing yourself at the right social scenes.  It’s about learning how to flirt the right way with men to let them know you’re interested, learning how to be happy and comfortable with flirting and forgetting about that thing called “rejection.”

The holidays are happening whether you’re ready for them or not. By the time the new year rolls around, you’re going to want to be ready to hit the ground running. But don’t expect a seasonal miracle; you’re going to have to put in some real work between now and then to learn new things about yourself and the dating game.

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship coach, author and speaker.  His advice has transformed the dating lives and relationships of hundreds of thousands of people from every corner of the globe.  He offers his advice as a writer for Ask Men, Huffington Post and across television segments, newspapers and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health and E! Entertainment Television — as well as on over 2,000 radio shows. To find out more about David and all of his dating and relationship-building products, visit him on his website at http://www.davidwygant.com.

The excitement of this process has begun to wear off, and Carolin is realizing that creating change and transforming your life is hard work. Will she quit before the process even begins? Click the link below to watch today’s episode!

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On this episode of “Ignite Your Life LIVE” Carolin learns her credit is in a state of disrepair and that she and her partner didn’t get the house they were hoping to move into. Will she be able to find somewhere safe to raise her kids and create a home? Click the link below to watch this episode!

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Follow Carolin’s Inspirational Journey!

Enter your info below and we’ll send you quick notes along the way as Carolin shares her Ignite Your Life journal and video blog posts at Dating With Dignity!

The truth is, many successful, independent women get pegged as being “bitches” when they get into conflict with others, especially at work. Perhaps we are triggered because the person we are with is being condescending, rude, impatient or darn right mean. In any case, the challenge becomes not getting entrenched into the lower, negative energy of the person with whom we are dealing because we want to “win,” or be perceived as being “right.”

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When it comes to finding long-lasting love, it is critical that you break free from your romantic rut, and have begun the journey towards unraveling the limiting thoughts, beliefs and stories you may have taken on as YOUR identity based on past dating and relationship experiences.  Before digging into what characteristics and qualities are found in the woman who is truly relationship-ready (a Dignity Dater), make sure you have overcome the following common roadblocks…

1.  While you see yourself as optimistic, filled with positivity and possess a sunny attitude, you may still believe, in your core, that dating is hard, you might be left behind, you really aren’t good enough to land an amazing man, or because of your situation and circumstance it really IS harder for you to be successful.  If you haven’t manifested the relationship you are looking for, and you see yourself as “positive,” it’s worth your time to check in and make sure your unconscious and conscious thoughts truly match.  (The D-Factor Assessment is a great tool to discover what’s really going on inside your noggin’!  And make sure you take a look at the bottom of this post because I’m offering a 50% discount — you just need to grab the coupon code from the teleclass replay page.)

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I have LOVED the questions I am receiving as part of the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview teleclass tonight. A common thread I have observed is that so many of you deeply crave that partnership yet are darn right confused and frustrated because it has NOT happened. Some of you are so worried about “pushing him away,” others are damn mad that good men seem intimidated by strong women.

The truth is this: I coach men — lot’s of men. And despite the fact that you believe there are not any “quality” men online, the men in your city are all “hicks” or players, or that you have “done it befor and it didn’t work,” the mask you are unconsciously wearing to protect yourself might be hiding the REAL YOU. And guess what? It is the REAL YOU that the amazing guys would be attracted to.  The “masked” self could be what is preventing your dreams from coming true.

As a result, you may be putting out vibes unintentionally that are projecting a certain “type,” that is merely a reflection of the bad experiences you have had in that past. And, quite simply, that is what’s NOT working.

There are four “types” of women who roam the dating jungle, and conveniently they seem to be so darn archetypal that they in fact seem to be the main characteristic traits of four women American women have come to love – the women of TV’s famed series, “Sex and the City.” The problem is that in some ways, these types are all versions of chameleons. Chameleons who have adapted to their environment in order to survive. Be willing to cast aside your adaptability in 2011. Put the hurts and disappointments of the past behind you once and for all. Discover the REAL you, because what’s true is that each of you is unique, one-of-a-kind and AMAZING, and that is going to attract the man who will truly make your heart SING!

So then, what follows is a continuation of the brief overview we began of the Dating With Dignity Archetypal Women Who Roam the Dating Jungle. Who are you and how is this impacting your ability to MANifest the love you so deserve?

Samantha
AKA The Girl Who is the LIFE of the Party

To be honest, I used to have quite a bit of Samantha in me – especially post divorce! I had not dated since the age of 20, and getting “back out there” became reason to go a little nutz! I embraced my “cougar-ness,” developed a fondness for hip hop, and made loads of bad choices. Mostly I had regret. Yet, Samantha seemed to never have that regret. Or did she? Even when she broke up with Smith, claiming she loved herself “more,” I’m not convinced that in the end she just didn’t love herself enough to love someone else. In my practice I meet women who have been “The Life of the Party” and the scars are numerous. You may be a “Life of the Party Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:

“I’m just living in the moment, for the moment”
“I just keep getting humiliated by men and making bad choices”
“Why did I do that?”
“All guys are going to hurt me”
“No one really cares anyway”
“I’ve done a lot of bad things, made a lot of mistakes”
“I still feel like crying when I think about that…”
“I’m embarrassed of my past”

Life of the Party women ultimately believe, in their core, that men will only like or love them if they can “get” something from them. It can be anything from sex to financial support, but most important, the result of this lifestyle can result in feeling like you are living some sort of double – life. Pretending not to care, pretending things don’t hurt, yet filled with regret, tired of 2am texts and feeling unseen, worn out, and sad.

Carrie:
AKA The Scared Girl

Damn, I SOOO get Carrie! She had all these amazing guys who wanted to date her… but she kept being sucked back in by “Big” The men who adored her, treated her well and were kind just didn’t provide the conflict or require the ‘work” that “Big” provided. In this story, there is a fairytale ending (of sorts), yet for most Scared Girls, without an intervention of some kind, they end up scared, alone and filled with regret. You may be a “Scared Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:
• I have to protect myself.
• “I don’t think I can survive another break-up”
• “I’ll never let that happen again (hurt / pain / disappointment)”
• “Men can’t be trusted”  ”They all say that, don’t they?”
• “I’m too picky — I’m really picky”
• “I don’t want to appear too needy”
• “How could I have been so stupid / naive / gullible?”
• “I’m so loving, I have so much to give, I’m so vulnerable…but every time I just get hurt because of it”

Scared Girls ultimately believe, in their heart of hearts, that their painful relationship past will keep repeating itself and as a result become too terrified to let down their guard. They are continually attracted to men who are not available because it is safe, return to ex’es who should stay in the past, and when men who could be good matches come into their world they are not attracted to them, put up walls, or simply leave.

*** If you are interested in learning more about the FOUR dating archtypes and how to have a breakthrough to become HIS type, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass TONIGHT, Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.

*** If you are interested in learning additional techniques to improve your communication, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass on Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.