Dating With Dignity

As a professional matchmaker with twenty years experience bringing couples together, I love to watch trends – patterns of problematic dating issues developing in our culture.

The troublesome question I’m seeing from my female clients this month:
“How can I get the guy I’m interested in to pursue me?”
And another:
“I got a second date invitation from the man I didn’t really like, and the one I DO like? He’s not called. What’s up with that?”

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Masculine Energy. Why Do You Have it and How Do You Change it?

More than ninety percent of the women who take the Dating With Dignity D-Factor, Date-Ability Assessment are shocked to know that more than forty percent of their total available positive, “date me” energy is vibrating at low levels. Most importantly, these low energy levels are broadcasting messages that, in fact, cause men to move away from you as a potential partner and ultimately report to their friends and family, “there was no chemistry,” “she was “intimidating” or, she seemed, “aloof.”

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Where do I meet “Mr. Right ,” especially when I seem to keep meeting Mr. Right Now
To answer this accurately, I need to fill in some gaps. First, and foremost, it is imperative that as you begin to date with dignity, you understand that ultimately, the answers to all questions lie within yourself.

Step One:
While it is important to collect data, get ideas, and glean new insights, one of the first steps to discovering the answer within is to engage in a dialogue with a coach or supportive, unbiased friend who can ask you important questions — you know — questions that make you take pause. Questions that can’t be answered with “yes,” “no,” or “I don’t know.” The types of questions that empower YOU to uncover your TRUTH.

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Date 1: You head out on Saturday morning to grab coffee at the local daily grind for your first date with a new guy. You only have an hour before you run off to your girl friend’s birthday party, but you’re committed to making time for dating. First impression: awesome vibe, nice little connection, and definite intrigue for another date.

Date 3: Next Friday night you meet for dinner at a fun Mexican restaurant Downtown. You each enjoy a cold margarita followed by steak tacos before he leads you onto the dance floor for some salsa. He is a total gentleman, and seems to emulate the suave, romantic feel of Luis Miguel, rather than bumping and grinding like a Ricky Martin video gone wrong. He drives you home, and the juices are flowing from the West Side Story dance remake the two of you performed at the restaurant. You both are feeling pretty weak and it seems that a night of passion might commence, but he exhales and gives you a goodnight kiss. He then calls you the next day to tell you how great of a time he had.

You find yourself thinking about him during the week, and are feeling more and more intrigued by the guy. Since you’re trying to keep a good pace you don’t want to call him randomly to say “hi” just yet. One night mid-week you find yourself on Facebook chatting with a girl friend, and she asks about the guy you’ve been seeing. You decide to see if you can find him on the site to show her a picture of him. His unique name (let’s call him Antonio Venespaldi III) pops right up and, since he barely uses his account, his security options are not enabled, leaving his pictures and wall posts totally available to everyone.

So now you and your girl friend are simultaneously cruising through Antonio’s pictures and chatting back and forth about the juicy info. You find out that he is a lobbyist for a major oil company, “likes” Lou Dobbs, is a Scorpio, and has 1560 friends, many of whom seem to be women. What happened to your eco-loving man who enjoys hikes and seemed to, at least, be a centrist politically? I mean, how could a man “like” Lou Dobbs and also be a champion of the environment? The worst part is that you are an Aries! And we all know that Aries have no compatibility with Scorpios in the dating world. Your heart drops. But it gets worse. You get another IM from your friend: “Did you see him tagged in ‘Lake Tahoe Trip 2010’ album?”

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Here’ s the truth dignity daters; whether you choose to believe it, or not, is up to you.

All men are not jerks.
Women are attracted to men who are nice, polite and respectful.

It seems, however, the most common reactions to the frustrations of dating come from a place of blame. It’s easier, somehow, to believe that what we have experienced is the absolute truth. That this truth then applies to all situations. We begin to assume that because it has happened to us before, it will happen again. We find ourselves engaged in a vicious cycle, a hamster wheel of sorts, in which we transmit our negative beliefs repeatedly, attracting more proof of our negative belief system into our lives. We repeatedly make choices to see ourselves has victims of circumstance, location, bad parents or a recession, and then view everything through this one-dimensional point of view.

I have good news!

You have the power to see your dating life, your entire life, in 3D. Put on those 3D glasses and revel in the breadth and depth of possibilities. You are the product of your belief system. As you jump off the hamster wheel, you can begin to create the world you see. Here’s how:

1. Begin to expect the positive. Quantum physics proves the world is a creation of your perceptions. Shift your beliefs accordingly. Expect that men are respectful. Believe women to be appreciative and kind. Create your positive world in making affirming, upbeat interpretations of the experiences life provides. If a man approaches you smile, interpret the gesture as kindness. Nothing more, nothing less.

2. Focus on finding peace and joy. Begin to take stock of all that is good in the world. Notice the mother and daughter who laugh together over shared ice cream cones. Acknowledge a driver who pauses to let someone cross the street. Bring this peace and joy into your conversations with members of the opposite sex. Be positive. Share what you notice with him or her. The results will be astounding.

3. Incorporate time for gratitude into your daily ritual. Taking time during your day to acknowledge those things for which you are grateful enables you to shift negative thoughts, beliefs, feelings and actions into positive, healing, energy. In turn, this positive energy will attract like, positive energy, transforming the messages you broadcast to members of the opposite sex. As a result of this transformation, you will begin to attract optimistic, upbeat, like-minded people who share your positive, buoyant view of life itself.

When you leave your house this weekend to go on a date, hiking with friends, to sit in the coffee shop, or for a walk in your neighborhood, don’t forget your keys. Your wallet. Of course, bring your purse. But most important, bring your 3D glasses. Put them on. Choose to see possibility. See love. Choose to create the world in which you want to live.