When it comes to answering the question, “why are you still single,” it’s so simple to place blame on circumstance. In fact, when I hear women who are my clients, women who gather at the table next to mine in a restaurant, or even women on “The Bachelor” answer this question, it involves three major reasons:
1. There are NO good men in my city. They are ALL (e.g., hicks, players, shallow, stupid, lazy and spoiled)
2. I am too old, too fat or some other excuse related to your external physical appearance.
3. I hate dating, and I don’t know how to meet men.
Once their icy conviction enters the atmosphere and lingers for a while, energetically tainting the space, I ask my favorite question…
“How true is that REALLY?”
Which then leads, in most cases, to
a deep dive into each woman’s true fears, her story, her beliefs, and a diatribe of her past heartaches. All of which ultimately prevent her from creating the love she truly desires. That said, if you are open to looking into your heart and cast blame aside in 2011, I invite you to consider that while navigating the MANimal jungle is most definately a challenge, you are also possibly a “type,” and that “type” may not be the “type” Mr. Boyfriend Materials desires in a long-term partner.
There are four archetypal women who roam the dating jungle, and conveniently they seem to be so darn archetypal that they in fact seem to be the main characteristic traits of four women American’s have come to love – the women of TV’s famed HBO series, “Sex and the City.” So then, what follows is a brief overview of the Dating With Dignity Archetypal Women Who Roam the Dating Jungle and thoughts, beliefs and dating behaviors which may be keeping them stuck in a romantic rut.
Who are you and how is this impacting your ability to MANifest the love you so deserve?
Miranda
AKA The “Tough Girl”
Ahh, Miranda. I loved her. She made me mad, yet I felt like in many ways I was her. And, I really became quite frustrated when she left Steve. In my practice I meet many “Tough Girls,” who are often accused of having tons of “masculine energy,” yet are successful in so many areas of life. You may be a “Tough Girl” if your thoughts run like this:
“Men are intimated by me”
“Men aren’t attracted to successful women”
“I’m done playing games”
This is not worth the trouble”
“Dating is a waste of time — does he really think I would go out with him?”
“I’m accomplished” and I that’s important.
Many Tough girls are “black and white” thinkers, judging everything, everyone and every experience as either good or bad. Tough Girls can be perceived as aloof or women who like to “play games.” Some are workaholics and some say that men who are attracted to them are “not my type.” The Tough Girl will wonder, silently to herself, “How come I’ve been successful at everything but dating?”
Charlotte
AKA “The Nice Girl”
To be honest, Charlotte sorta made my skin crawl! She was so soft, mushy and let Trey walk all over her. Nevertheless, she kept trying. In truth, I think she rubbed me the wrong way because in some ways I was so like her in the past, staying with men who didn’t treat me as I deserved; all the while making me feel like it was ME who needed to change, adjust and adapt. In my practice I meet many “Nice Girls,” who stay with men who are “fixer uppers. You may be a “Nice Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:
“He’s got so much potential”
“I’m going to give him a second chance”
“Why are guys always interested in being my friend?”
“Why do guys always ask me for advice about the girls they are dating?”
“Guys never give back what I put forth”
“ Why do I always date men who aren’t that into me?”
Nice Girls know they are a total catch – all their male friends tell them so – yet they continue to date men who “need” them financially, emotionally and seem to never give back at the same level. The Nice Girl may vary between bouts of guilt, self pity and anger, but when push comes to shove, the Nice Girl will back down and blame others, if not herself.
Check out Part II coming tomorrow and see if you are the “Scared Girl,” or perhaps even the girl who is perceived as the “Life of the Party.” While men may LOVE to have both of these types in their lives they may not be who they want to date long-term.
In the meantime,
*** If you are interested in learning more about the FOUR dating archtypes and how to have a breakthrough to become HIS type, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass on Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.
Use the form below to get the call access details.
Have a question for Marni about dating, men or general life improvement techniques? Ask away! Marni wants to make this personally relevant for YOU!
I’ve got a great date story to share from a while ago that is pertinent to many of the topics that come up today. So, I met this great gal on a project I was working on. There wasn’t enough time to get her number so we connected over Facebook. We tossed several FB messages back and forth and then there was an exchange of numbers. Later that week she dropped me a text that said, “Want to grab a drink tonight?” I was free, texted “Sure!” and that date was set. I was near her neck of the woods and admitted that I was a bit out of my element. Luckily she said she knew a groovy place for us to meet.
When it comes to being single, there are no days like Hallmark Holidays that can bring on feelings of dread, sadness, hopelessness, anger and good old disappointment. (I know this, as I was divorced and single for six years after my 19 year marriage to a man I met at 19 years old) What’s worse is that for most these women, it’s not just Valentine’s Day itself that makes them feel the ick. The truth is, the dread can begin as soon as the third week of January approaches (that’s typically when the New Year “high” begins to fade, the guys at the gym aren’t really that interesting, and the few dates from your new membership on Match.com were less than thrilling) which results in a downward spiral that can be tough to endure.
