Dating With Dignity

How DO you get a guy to ask you out?
It’s a question a lot of women have: How on earth can I get that guy or those guys to ask me out?

Do you find yourself frequenting places where you feel like you should meet at least one man a day? If you’re going to coffee shops, bookstores and bars but really aren’t meeting any quality men (or at least not getting them to ask you out), you need to get familiar with Eye TT.

So what is Eye TT?

Eye: As Man Panelist and Dating Den co-host Christian Anderson of LetsTalkDating.com might say, a little bit of “eye tennis” never hurt anybody. One of the KEY ways to let a man know you’re interested is to give him a little eye attention.

Men are not going to approach you unless they’ve already anticipated that they’re going to have success in asking you out. In this regard, men are just as afraid of rejection as women are. So go ahead, let him know you’re interested!

T: Touch. This might be the oldest trick in the book, and you probably aren’t thinking about it. Men go nuts about a woman’s femininity. When you express your femininity in the right away, he’s going to be instantly attracted to you. Even just a casual brush of your collarbone or a quick run of your hands through your hair can make a man’s hormones take a leap!

T: The last T is for Talk. This does NOT mean ask him out. It also doesn’t mean you have to launch into a full-on conversation, but a nice comment about something around you that you can both relate to (“It’s so nice that it’s summer! I finally get to start ordering iced coffees…”) is a great way to invite him to connect with you and lead him in the direction of asking you out!

So go ahead: Try making a little eye contact, playing up your feminine side and striking up a casual conversation. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

When a woman makes herself extremely available and ALWAYS makes the first move, it leaves a man no room to pursue her.

The truth is, Mr. Boyfriend Material is looking for a woman who is confident and communicates what it is that she wants. What you’re figuratively saying when you always reach out to a man is, “I don’t NEED you to do anything at all,” or “I’m here available to you, if you ever don’t have anything else to do.”

It may, in fact, be that he likes being around you, enjoys your conversation, and even feels chemistry. In fact, when we interview men who sit on the Dating with Dignity Man Panel, each one will whole-heartedly agree that it feels good to be pursued.

However, here’s the important truth they also share when interviewed: If you are constantly reaching out to a man and initiating contact, communication, or flirtation, you leave him no room to pursue you, go through the process of asking you out, and get to know you better at HIS pace.

The result? You will NOT be perceived as someone who is Girlfriend Material to him.

I get it. Maybe you’re feeling lonely. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone to hang out with. But is that really what you want? Do you want someone who makes zero effort? Do you really want the man who doesn’t try to impress you at all? Do you want to be with someone who waits for you to contact him? Most women don’t. In fact, even if you had a female friend who contributed to your relationship in that way, you most likely would question the friendship.

There are two people in a relationship. If one is consistently making all the effort, something is wrong.

Here are some do’s and dont’ s when it comes to making yourself appropriately available to a relationship-ready man:

DO: agree to go out with him if he has asked you out in advance and you’re interested
DON’T: ask him to dinner

DO: recognize when a man’s actions match his words
DON’T: settle for someone who consistently reschedules or cancels your dates, even when he has a great excuse

DO: suggest an alternate time or day if you’re busy on the day for which he has asked you out
DON’T: make up an excuse about why you’re busy in an effort to play “hard to get”

DO: know what you want
DON’T: be afraid to communicate what you want to someone you are dating

DO: know there are relationship-ready men who will ask you out one a real live date (and be excited to do it!)
DON’T: go out with a guy who texts you at 7 pm asking you to hang out; this is NOT a date

DO: be confident in your abilities to be happy and remember that you deserve love
DON’T: accept crumbs—small pieces of attention from a man are not enough

If you give them that space, men could be lining up to ask you out.

Trust me, they’re out there. They’re just waiting for you to allow them to make their move.

“ When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

We’ve all been there. A guy you’ve gone out with a few times, who seems totally into you, suddenly disappears completely.

You’re probably wondering why that guy seems to have fallen off Planet Earth. You start with justifications like: “Well, he did say next week was going to be super busy…” and “He’s probably working really hard” or “Didn’t he say he was going out of town this weekend?”

Most of the time in these situations, we’re given absolutely no reason for this Casper act…

So, for your mental clarity, here are a few common reasons this might be happening:

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Watch today’s dating den to find out how to stop yourself from falling too fast, and scaring your new man off.