Dating With Dignity

If you’re going to be in the L.A. area on Monday, September 12 at 7pm, click here to register for our live event: How to Master Feminine Communication and Get What You Need Without Being a Bitch, Shedding a Tear, or Slamming the Door!

When it comes to finding long-lasting love, it is critical that you break free from your romantic rut, and have begun the journey towards unraveling the limiting thoughts, beliefs and stories you may have taken on as YOUR identity based on past dating and relationship experiences.  Before digging into what characteristics and qualities are found in the woman who is truly relationship-ready (a Dignity Dater), make sure you have overcome the following common roadblocks…

1.  While you see yourself as optimistic, filled with positivity and possess a sunny attitude, you may still believe, in your core, that dating is hard, you might be left behind, you really aren’t good enough to land an amazing man, or because of your situation and circumstance it really IS harder for you to be successful.  If you haven’t manifested the relationship you are looking for, and you see yourself as “positive,” it’s worth your time to check in and make sure your unconscious and conscious thoughts truly match.  (The D-Factor Assessment is a great tool to discover what’s really going on inside your noggin’!  And make sure you take a look at the bottom of this post because I’m offering a 50% discount — you just need to grab the coupon code from the teleclass replay page.)

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I have LOVED the questions I am receiving as part of the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview teleclass tonight. A common thread I have observed is that so many of you deeply crave that partnership yet are darn right confused and frustrated because it has NOT happened. Some of you are so worried about “pushing him away,” others are damn mad that good men seem intimidated by strong women.

The truth is this: I coach men — lot’s of men. And despite the fact that you believe there are not any “quality” men online, the men in your city are all “hicks” or players, or that you have “done it befor and it didn’t work,” the mask you are unconsciously wearing to protect yourself might be hiding the REAL YOU. And guess what? It is the REAL YOU that the amazing guys would be attracted to.  The “masked” self could be what is preventing your dreams from coming true.

As a result, you may be putting out vibes unintentionally that are projecting a certain “type,” that is merely a reflection of the bad experiences you have had in that past. And, quite simply, that is what’s NOT working.

There are four “types” of women who roam the dating jungle, and conveniently they seem to be so darn archetypal that they in fact seem to be the main characteristic traits of four women American women have come to love – the women of TV’s famed series, “Sex and the City.” The problem is that in some ways, these types are all versions of chameleons. Chameleons who have adapted to their environment in order to survive. Be willing to cast aside your adaptability in 2011. Put the hurts and disappointments of the past behind you once and for all. Discover the REAL you, because what’s true is that each of you is unique, one-of-a-kind and AMAZING, and that is going to attract the man who will truly make your heart SING!

So then, what follows is a continuation of the brief overview we began of the Dating With Dignity Archetypal Women Who Roam the Dating Jungle. Who are you and how is this impacting your ability to MANifest the love you so deserve?

Samantha
AKA The Girl Who is the LIFE of the Party

To be honest, I used to have quite a bit of Samantha in me – especially post divorce! I had not dated since the age of 20, and getting “back out there” became reason to go a little nutz! I embraced my “cougar-ness,” developed a fondness for hip hop, and made loads of bad choices. Mostly I had regret. Yet, Samantha seemed to never have that regret. Or did she? Even when she broke up with Smith, claiming she loved herself “more,” I’m not convinced that in the end she just didn’t love herself enough to love someone else. In my practice I meet women who have been “The Life of the Party” and the scars are numerous. You may be a “Life of the Party Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:

“I’m just living in the moment, for the moment”
“I just keep getting humiliated by men and making bad choices”
“Why did I do that?”
“All guys are going to hurt me”
“No one really cares anyway”
“I’ve done a lot of bad things, made a lot of mistakes”
“I still feel like crying when I think about that…”
“I’m embarrassed of my past”

Life of the Party women ultimately believe, in their core, that men will only like or love them if they can “get” something from them. It can be anything from sex to financial support, but most important, the result of this lifestyle can result in feeling like you are living some sort of double – life. Pretending not to care, pretending things don’t hurt, yet filled with regret, tired of 2am texts and feeling unseen, worn out, and sad.

Carrie:
AKA The Scared Girl

Damn, I SOOO get Carrie! She had all these amazing guys who wanted to date her… but she kept being sucked back in by “Big” The men who adored her, treated her well and were kind just didn’t provide the conflict or require the ‘work” that “Big” provided. In this story, there is a fairytale ending (of sorts), yet for most Scared Girls, without an intervention of some kind, they end up scared, alone and filled with regret. You may be a “Scared Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:
• I have to protect myself.
• “I don’t think I can survive another break-up”
• “I’ll never let that happen again (hurt / pain / disappointment)”
• “Men can’t be trusted”  ”They all say that, don’t they?”
• “I’m too picky — I’m really picky”
• “I don’t want to appear too needy”
• “How could I have been so stupid / naive / gullible?”
• “I’m so loving, I have so much to give, I’m so vulnerable…but every time I just get hurt because of it”

Scared Girls ultimately believe, in their heart of hearts, that their painful relationship past will keep repeating itself and as a result become too terrified to let down their guard. They are continually attracted to men who are not available because it is safe, return to ex’es who should stay in the past, and when men who could be good matches come into their world they are not attracted to them, put up walls, or simply leave.

*** If you are interested in learning more about the FOUR dating archtypes and how to have a breakthrough to become HIS type, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass TONIGHT, Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.

When it comes to answering the question, “why are you still single,” it’s so simple to place blame on circumstance. In fact, when I hear women who are my clients, women who gather at the table next to mine in a restaurant, or even women on “The Bachelor” answer this question, it involves three major reasons:

1. There are NO good men in my city. They are ALL (e.g., hicks, players, shallow, stupid, lazy and spoiled)

2. I am too old, too fat or some other excuse related to your external physical appearance.

3. I hate dating, and I don’t know how to meet men.

Once their icy conviction enters the atmosphere and lingers for a while, energetically tainting the space, I ask my favorite question…

“How true is that REALLY?”

Which then leads, in most cases, to

a deep dive into each woman’s true fears, her story, her beliefs, and a diatribe of her past heartaches. All of which ultimately prevent her from creating the love she truly desires. That said, if you are open to looking into your heart and cast blame aside in 2011, I invite you to consider that while navigating the MANimal jungle is most definately a challenge, you are also possibly a “type,” and that “type” may not be the “type” Mr. Boyfriend Materials desires in a long-term partner.

There are four archetypal women who roam the dating jungle, and conveniently they seem to be so darn archetypal that they in fact seem to be the main characteristic traits of four women American’s have come to love – the women of TV’s famed HBO series, “Sex and the City.” So then, what follows is a brief overview of the Dating With Dignity Archetypal Women Who Roam the Dating Jungle and thoughts, beliefs and dating behaviors which may be keeping them stuck in a romantic rut.

Who are you and how is this impacting your ability to MANifest the love you so deserve?

Miranda

AKA The “Tough Girl”

Ahh, Miranda. I loved her. She made me mad, yet I felt like in many ways I was her. And, I really became quite frustrated when she left Steve. In my practice I meet many “Tough Girls,” who are often accused of having tons of “masculine energy,” yet are successful in so many areas of  life. You may be a “Tough Girl” if your thoughts run like this:

“Men are intimated by me”
“Men aren’t attracted to successful women”
“I’m done playing games”
This is not worth the trouble”
“Dating is a waste of time — does he really think I would go out with him?”
“I’m accomplished” and I that’s important.

Many Tough girls are “black and white” thinkers, judging everything, everyone and every experience as either good or bad. Tough Girls can be perceived as aloof or women who like to “play games.” Some are workaholics and some say that men who are attracted to them are “not my type.” The Tough Girl will wonder, silently to herself, “How come I’ve been successful at everything but dating?”

Charlotte
AKA “The Nice Girl”

To be honest, Charlotte sorta made my skin crawl! She was so soft, mushy and let Trey walk all over her. Nevertheless, she kept trying. In truth, I think she rubbed me the wrong way because in some ways I was so like her in the past, staying with men who didn’t treat me as I deserved; all the while making me feel like it was ME who needed to change, adjust and adapt. In my practice I meet many “Nice Girls,” who stay with men who are “fixer uppers. You may be a “Nice Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:

“He’s got so much potential”
“I’m going to give him a second chance”
“Why are guys always interested in being my friend?”
“Why do guys always ask me for advice about the girls they are dating?”
“Guys never give back what I put forth”
“ Why do I always date men who aren’t that into me?”

Nice Girls know they are a total catch – all their male friends tell them so – yet they continue to date men who “need” them financially, emotionally and seem to never give back at the same level.  The Nice Girl may vary between bouts of guilt, self pity and anger, but when push comes to shove, the Nice Girl will back down and blame others, if not herself.

Check out Part II coming tomorrow and see if you are the “Scared Girl,” or perhaps even the girl who is perceived as the “Life of the Party.”  While men may LOVE to have both of these types in their lives they may not be who they want to date long-term.

In the meantime,

*** If you are interested in learning more about the FOUR dating archtypes and how to have a breakthrough to become HIS type, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass on Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.

*** If you are interested in learning additional techniques to improve your communication, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass on Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.

Dating Scripts You Can Use Now.

One of the most powerful benefits of working with a dating coach privately is that you get answers when a dramatic internal battle ensures regarding what to say to a man.
Here are a few of my best scripts to help you communicate your needs in a way that is feminine, sexy, confident and effective.

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In my work with male clients, it still surprises me when I hear the array of horrific “dating don’ts” that are innocently committed by the most beautiful, educated and seemingly “perfect” women.
The results are tragic, and I feel quite confident that most of these women have no idea why they are not being asked on date number 2, or are ultimately not pursued after the red flags are hoisted, flown and dominate the country of potential relationship. What’s most important for you to know is that while you may say you would “never “ do these things, there are a host of small, minute “errors” that send men running for the hills in their Nikes.

What follows is my top 3 Unconscious Dating Mistakes made by some of the most beautiful, smart and “together” women who walk unwittingly through the dating jungle:

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Getting Ready for Relationship in 2011:

In working with women and men in 2009 whom created big, sustainable results in their lives, it has become apparent to me what “works” and what does not work in become what Success Coach, Bob Proctor, describes as a “Goal Achiever.” And before I go on, and, because I know you are interested in what kind of results I’m talking about, let me be specific…

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