Dating With Dignity

By Cheri Valentine

As we move through the holidays and into the New Year, some of you may have a tingle of excitement as you anticipate the hustle and bustle of New Year’s Eve, looking forward to seeing family and friends to celebrate. For many however, this can be a very challenging time.  Anxiety, dread, and worry are more the norm for so many during the holiday season.

On Christmas, the overinflated emphasis on gifts becomes a chore and takes away from the pleasure of the connection, love, and appreciation for many people. For some, there are so many things to do in addition to the already overloaded responsibilities.  And for many more, the stress of facing another holiday alone feels unbearable.

Doesn’t sound too Happy or Merry, does it?  Yet I know from experience having been on both ends of the spectrum that you can create holiday bliss while honoring what you want and need during this time. You don’t have to straddle the tight rope between sacrifice, obligation, and strain and total seclusion or intense loneliness.

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By Patty Contenta

Through my research and personal experience, I’ve found 3 mistakes are responsible for women not being approached by men. The scary part is that this could be happening to You without you knowing it.

Mistake #1: Standing With Your Legs Apart

A man likes to feel masculine, like he has mental and physical strength…regardless of his size. The dominance that he tries to portray can be seen by the way he stands with his legs apart and chest lifted. His goal is to take up space to demonstrate power.

So when a woman stands with her legs apart, she’s taking a dominant role. She’s taking the lead and a very masculine man will avoid you because you’re confronting his stature without saying a word.

I too have been in this same scenario where my need to be noticed for the smart, strong woman I am was coming out loud and clear for every man to see… yet no one approached me.

A man is naturally attracted to a playful woman that oozes sensuality… something he is clueless about. He wants to sense an air of invitation so that if he takes a chance to approach you, you won’t reject him on the spot.

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When it comes to finding long-lasting love, it is critical that you break free from your romantic rut, and have begun the journey towards unraveling the limiting thoughts, beliefs and stories you may have taken on as YOUR identity based on past dating and relationship experiences.  Before digging into what characteristics and qualities are found in the woman who is truly relationship-ready (a Dignity Dater), make sure you have overcome the following common roadblocks…

1.  While you see yourself as optimistic, filled with positivity and possess a sunny attitude, you may still believe, in your core, that dating is hard, you might be left behind, you really aren’t good enough to land an amazing man, or because of your situation and circumstance it really IS harder for you to be successful.  If you haven’t manifested the relationship you are looking for, and you see yourself as “positive,” it’s worth your time to check in and make sure your unconscious and conscious thoughts truly match.  (The D-Factor Assessment is a great tool to discover what’s really going on inside your noggin’!  And make sure you take a look at the bottom of this post because I’m offering a 50% discount — you just need to grab the coupon code from the teleclass replay page.)

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I have LOVED the questions I am receiving as part of the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview teleclass tonight. A common thread I have observed is that so many of you deeply crave that partnership yet are darn right confused and frustrated because it has NOT happened. Some of you are so worried about “pushing him away,” others are damn mad that good men seem intimidated by strong women.

The truth is this: I coach men — lot’s of men. And despite the fact that you believe there are not any “quality” men online, the men in your city are all “hicks” or players, or that you have “done it befor and it didn’t work,” the mask you are unconsciously wearing to protect yourself might be hiding the REAL YOU. And guess what? It is the REAL YOU that the amazing guys would be attracted to.  The “masked” self could be what is preventing your dreams from coming true.

As a result, you may be putting out vibes unintentionally that are projecting a certain “type,” that is merely a reflection of the bad experiences you have had in that past. And, quite simply, that is what’s NOT working.

There are four “types” of women who roam the dating jungle, and conveniently they seem to be so darn archetypal that they in fact seem to be the main characteristic traits of four women American women have come to love – the women of TV’s famed series, “Sex and the City.” The problem is that in some ways, these types are all versions of chameleons. Chameleons who have adapted to their environment in order to survive. Be willing to cast aside your adaptability in 2011. Put the hurts and disappointments of the past behind you once and for all. Discover the REAL you, because what’s true is that each of you is unique, one-of-a-kind and AMAZING, and that is going to attract the man who will truly make your heart SING!

So then, what follows is a continuation of the brief overview we began of the Dating With Dignity Archetypal Women Who Roam the Dating Jungle. Who are you and how is this impacting your ability to MANifest the love you so deserve?

Samantha
AKA The Girl Who is the LIFE of the Party

To be honest, I used to have quite a bit of Samantha in me – especially post divorce! I had not dated since the age of 20, and getting “back out there” became reason to go a little nutz! I embraced my “cougar-ness,” developed a fondness for hip hop, and made loads of bad choices. Mostly I had regret. Yet, Samantha seemed to never have that regret. Or did she? Even when she broke up with Smith, claiming she loved herself “more,” I’m not convinced that in the end she just didn’t love herself enough to love someone else. In my practice I meet women who have been “The Life of the Party” and the scars are numerous. You may be a “Life of the Party Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:

“I’m just living in the moment, for the moment”
“I just keep getting humiliated by men and making bad choices”
“Why did I do that?”
“All guys are going to hurt me”
“No one really cares anyway”
“I’ve done a lot of bad things, made a lot of mistakes”
“I still feel like crying when I think about that…”
“I’m embarrassed of my past”

Life of the Party women ultimately believe, in their core, that men will only like or love them if they can “get” something from them. It can be anything from sex to financial support, but most important, the result of this lifestyle can result in feeling like you are living some sort of double – life. Pretending not to care, pretending things don’t hurt, yet filled with regret, tired of 2am texts and feeling unseen, worn out, and sad.

Carrie:
AKA The Scared Girl

Damn, I SOOO get Carrie! She had all these amazing guys who wanted to date her… but she kept being sucked back in by “Big” The men who adored her, treated her well and were kind just didn’t provide the conflict or require the ‘work” that “Big” provided. In this story, there is a fairytale ending (of sorts), yet for most Scared Girls, without an intervention of some kind, they end up scared, alone and filled with regret. You may be a “Scared Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:
• I have to protect myself.
• “I don’t think I can survive another break-up”
• “I’ll never let that happen again (hurt / pain / disappointment)”
• “Men can’t be trusted”  ”They all say that, don’t they?”
• “I’m too picky — I’m really picky”
• “I don’t want to appear too needy”
• “How could I have been so stupid / naive / gullible?”
• “I’m so loving, I have so much to give, I’m so vulnerable…but every time I just get hurt because of it”

Scared Girls ultimately believe, in their heart of hearts, that their painful relationship past will keep repeating itself and as a result become too terrified to let down their guard. They are continually attracted to men who are not available because it is safe, return to ex’es who should stay in the past, and when men who could be good matches come into their world they are not attracted to them, put up walls, or simply leave.

*** If you are interested in learning more about the FOUR dating archtypes and how to have a breakthrough to become HIS type, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass TONIGHT, Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.

Getting Ready for Relationship in 2011:

In working with women and men in 2009 whom created big, sustainable results in their lives, it has become apparent to me what “works” and what does not work in become what Success Coach, Bob Proctor, describes as a “Goal Achiever.” And before I go on, and, because I know you are interested in what kind of results I’m talking about, let me be specific…

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As a professional matchmaker with twenty years experience bringing couples together, I love to watch trends – patterns of problematic dating issues developing in our culture.

The troublesome question I’m seeing from my female clients this month:
“How can I get the guy I’m interested in to pursue me?”
And another:
“I got a second date invitation from the man I didn’t really like, and the one I DO like? He’s not called. What’s up with that?”

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By Michal Spiegelman

Thanksgiving is a time of celebration, a time of gratitude. Read on to learn how to make gratitude practical & fun and receive a FREE 15-min Guided Gratitude Meditation, especially for you.

“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can”.
The Dalai Lama

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