Dating With Dignity

When a woman makes herself extremely available and ALWAYS makes the first move, it leaves a man no room to pursue her.

The truth is, Mr. Boyfriend Material is looking for a woman who is confident and communicates what it is that she wants. What you’re figuratively saying when you always reach out to a man is, “I don’t NEED you to do anything at all,” or “I’m here available to you, if you ever don’t have anything else to do.”

It may, in fact, be that he likes being around you, enjoys your conversation, and even feels chemistry. In fact, when we interview men who sit on the Dating with Dignity Man Panel, each one will whole-heartedly agree that it feels good to be pursued.

However, here’s the important truth they also share when interviewed: If you are constantly reaching out to a man and initiating contact, communication, or flirtation, you leave him no room to pursue you, go through the process of asking you out, and get to know you better at HIS pace.

The result? You will NOT be perceived as someone who is Girlfriend Material to him.

I get it. Maybe you’re feeling lonely. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone to hang out with. But is that really what you want? Do you want someone who makes zero effort? Do you really want the man who doesn’t try to impress you at all? Do you want to be with someone who waits for you to contact him? Most women don’t. In fact, even if you had a female friend who contributed to your relationship in that way, you most likely would question the friendship.

There are two people in a relationship. If one is consistently making all the effort, something is wrong.

Here are some do’s and dont’ s when it comes to making yourself appropriately available to a relationship-ready man:

DO: agree to go out with him if he has asked you out in advance and you’re interested
DON’T: ask him to dinner

DO: recognize when a man’s actions match his words
DON’T: settle for someone who consistently reschedules or cancels your dates, even when he has a great excuse

DO: suggest an alternate time or day if you’re busy on the day for which he has asked you out
DON’T: make up an excuse about why you’re busy in an effort to play “hard to get”

DO: know what you want
DON’T: be afraid to communicate what you want to someone you are dating

DO: know there are relationship-ready men who will ask you out one a real live date (and be excited to do it!)
DON’T: go out with a guy who texts you at 7 pm asking you to hang out; this is NOT a date

DO: be confident in your abilities to be happy and remember that you deserve love
DON’T: accept crumbs—small pieces of attention from a man are not enough

If you give them that space, men could be lining up to ask you out.

Trust me, they’re out there. They’re just waiting for you to allow them to make their move.

“ When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

Here’s the good news: there are several very easy ways (It’s actually more simple than you think!) to tell if a man you’ve recently started dating is into you. While it can be confusing in the early stages of dating to determine if a guy is interested in pursuing a relationship with you, note that if your guy is doing most of the things listed below, he’s most likely interested in moving forward.

Here are seven ways to determine he’s probably into you.

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I’ve got a great date story to share from a while ago that is pertinent to many of the topics that come up today. So, I met this great gal on a project I was working on. There wasn’t enough time to get her number so we connected over Facebook. We tossed several FB messages back and forth and then there was an exchange of numbers. Later that week she dropped me a text that said, “Want to grab a drink tonight?” I was free, texted “Sure!” and that date was set. I was near her neck of the woods and admitted that I was a bit out of my element. Luckily she said she knew a groovy place for us to meet.

I get there a little early, grab a cocktail and within minutes she is joining me at the bar. The conversation is exciting and she is hitting upon some invigorating topics. She lights up the room as she shares her take on all things vocational, spiritual and political. She is pretty darn smart, well grounded and opinionated. I found myself sitting back and watching her show most of the night, but it was an exciting show, and it’s always fun to see someone getting carried away in passion and spark. As the conversation goes deeper, so do the drinks, and before I know it she is ordering the 4th round. Then she suggests we do a shot on the next one! At first I was a bit surprised, but then I found it sexy. This gal is asking me to man up and keep up with her, so my male machismo kicks in and I throw back a double of Jameson.

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There is nothing more frustrating to the single woman than the moment she suspects the man she has tagged as “Mr. Possible Long-term Relationship,” begins to show signs of pulling away. Before we launch into signs he actually is “pulling away,” (there are signs you want to recognize) it’s critical to understand that, in truth, women may often only imagine the vanishing act is about to ensue when, in fact, it’s merely fear from past relationships that ended abruptly sparking your vivid imagination.

That said then, if the man you are dating has been consistently, over a four – eight week period for example, behaving as if he is interested in getting to know you better and the relationship is progressing, it could be a sign that it is YOU who is interpreting a variety of harmless behaviors as signs he is ready to bolt.

Why does this happen?

Often, the woman who says she is “ready to be in a relationship,” begins to imagine “pull away” syndrome (PAS) simply because she is truly terrified to begin to trust, become intimate (emotional as well as physically intimate) and may sabotage the process by leaking her fears. Here are two excellent examples of how this fear may surface:

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