Dating With Dignity

By Cheri Valentine

As we move through the holidays and into the New Year, some of you may have a tingle of excitement as you anticipate the hustle and bustle of New Year’s Eve, looking forward to seeing family and friends to celebrate. For many however, this can be a very challenging time.  Anxiety, dread, and worry are more the norm for so many during the holiday season.

On Christmas, the overinflated emphasis on gifts becomes a chore and takes away from the pleasure of the connection, love, and appreciation for many people. For some, there are so many things to do in addition to the already overloaded responsibilities.  And for many more, the stress of facing another holiday alone feels unbearable.

Doesn’t sound too Happy or Merry, does it?  Yet I know from experience having been on both ends of the spectrum that you can create holiday bliss while honoring what you want and need during this time. You don’t have to straddle the tight rope between sacrifice, obligation, and strain and total seclusion or intense loneliness.

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By Patty Contenta

Through my research and personal experience, I’ve found 3 mistakes are responsible for women not being approached by men. The scary part is that this could be happening to You without you knowing it.

Mistake #1: Standing With Your Legs Apart

A man likes to feel masculine, like he has mental and physical strength…regardless of his size. The dominance that he tries to portray can be seen by the way he stands with his legs apart and chest lifted. His goal is to take up space to demonstrate power.

So when a woman stands with her legs apart, she’s taking a dominant role. She’s taking the lead and a very masculine man will avoid you because you’re confronting his stature without saying a word.

I too have been in this same scenario where my need to be noticed for the smart, strong woman I am was coming out loud and clear for every man to see… yet no one approached me.

A man is naturally attracted to a playful woman that oozes sensuality… something he is clueless about. He wants to sense an air of invitation so that if he takes a chance to approach you, you won’t reject him on the spot.

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By Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach

Every now and then Ho Ho Ho time rolls around on the calendar and yet life seems to have dumped a pile of coal on the old doorstep. Someone you love is sick, mad at you, a relationship recently fell apart, there’s been a recent disappointment – life has thrown you something that has you feeling hollow, sad, anxious, or just plain BLAH.

We all have our Bah Humbug moments. Even the most cheerful, upbeat, positive people have them. What to do?

First thing? Just acknowledge it. Go ahead, say it out loud. “I’m having a Bah Humbug Moment! I’m supposed to be all festive, happy and cheery and instead I feel more like crawling under a rock and hiding until springtime.” Congrats – you just woke up to what’s real for you. Great. You’re half way through.

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By Mat Boggs

Holidays are such a busy time! What do you do when your man seems to be too busy to call and prefers to only text?

It can be so frustrating if your man keeps texting you when you are craving the connection of a real conversation.

Often women won’t ask for what they want because they don’t want to be seen as: pushy, masculine, or needy.

Check out this video by best-selling author and relationship expert, Mat Boggs. Mat gives you a great strategy for how to get him to call rather than text while staying in your feminine power.

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By Carole Lieberman, M.D.

Yes, it’s very tempting to settle for anyone in your bed during the holidays, just so you don’t end the year alone. But, just like a lump of coal can disguise itself as an intriguing gift when it’s hiding inside your stocking, a bad boy or bad girl can disguise themselves as an intriguing new love when they are hiding behind a façade. Indeed, these manipulative lovers know that holiday time is a great time to go on the prowl because we are especially vulnerable. We all want a hot kiss from someone who’s madly in love with us as the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve. So, unconsciously we hear our inner clock ticking as soon as the Halloween candy is gone, telling us it’s time to find that special someone.

As you know, it’s hardest to find love when you are desperately looking for it, so you might become easy prey for bad boys who are prowling for sex and other favors, and bad girls who are looking to trap ‘sitting ducks’. Here are some tips on how to recognize these heartbreakers.

In my book, Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them, I define 12 types of bad boys, such as the Fixer-Upper Lover, Compulsive Flirt, Commitment-Phobe, Self-Absorbed Seducer, Wounded Poet and Prince of Darkness. A bad boy is “both a lost little boy and a man with a dark side…. Because he’s aloof and elusive, you get caught up in the challenge and excitement of the chase – though he’s not always someone you’d really want even if you did capture him…. He’s a frog you hope to turn into a fairy-tale prince with the magic of your kiss.”

Similarly, in Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, I define 12 types of bad girls – the ‘dozen dangerous damsels’. These include the Gold-Digger, Sex Siren, Husband Hunter and Trapper, Husband Stealer, Ball-Buster and Ultimate Damsel in Distress. “Just as little girls are forewarned that they’ll need to kiss a lot of frogs before they find their prince, society forewarns little boys that they’ll need to slay a lot of dragons before they’ll win the heart of their true princess.”

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By Carol Allen

Ah, the holidays. Such a magical, romantic time.

Just think – you and your sweetie will decorate the tree, share a romantic sleigh ride in the snow, and go hand-in-hand caroling through your neighborhood drinking hot cocoa…

(Cue the scratching record on the record player right about now…)

If your most romantic holiday moments consist of getting groped by the jerky mail room guy at your annual office party, getting escorted out of Target by a teenage security guard for making a scene in the store, or getting hit on by the creepy guy at the Christmas Tree lot as he ties your fake blue tree to the top of your car, then you need some serious help!

The holidays are commonly a painful time in our love lives, whether you’re single or attached.

Why? A pesky little thing called “expectations”…

You know – you’re hoping for something shiny under the tree or menorah, yet all you get is a new blender (fill in any “practical” item with a cord attached here).

Or you’re dreaming of meeting “the one” by New Year’s, and yet there you are by yourself in front of the TV as the clock strikes twelve with no one to kiss.

And worst of all is your family pressure – if your Uncle Morrie asks you one more time, “So, why are you still single?” or “When are you two gonna have a baby?” you’ll scream…

If any of this is making you want to skip the season all together, then remember:

It may just be that your guy or gal has NO IDEA what your expectations are.

To make matters worse, he or she has a BUNCH of their own “unspoken” ideas of how things SHOULD and WILL go with YOU!

Here’s why – every relationship is actually TWO relationships.

The one you’re having and the one the other person is having.

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‘Tis the holiday season! Time to take out that little black dress – or red – or silver, put on that new shade of lipstick and go out on the town, hoping to meet a hot man at a holiday party who hopefully isn’t…gasp… TAKEN!

But as you grab for that gorgeous dress, you see something hanging next to it – something hard and ugly – the skeletons… you know the ones… the ones that have followed your around all these years making sure that whatever splashing impression you make gets sabotaged by the dark past.

You are likely afraid that those skeletons in your closet will turn him off – Well, not necessarily.

We all have a few skeletons lying somewhere in our closets in the form of emotional baggage – an iconic image that represents the weight of all the painful memories we carry on our shoulders everywhere we go. These skeletons come in all shapes and all sizes, from unrealistic expectations to problematic trust issues.

Oftentimes, we use the skeletons in our closet to build a cage around our hearts that will protect us from ever getting hurt again, but we also end up rejecting others from ever truly getting close to us. Is your emotional baggage doing you more harm than good? I guess that depends on what kind of man you are trying to attract into your life.

In my book, Understand Men Now, a woman’s guide to understanding men in relationships, I talk about six different types of men you will come across in the dating world. When it comes to emotions, most men try to avoid them like the plague, but some men may actually try to help you clean out your closet.

Here are six ways that a relationship-ready man might react to the skeletons in your closet:

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By Orna & Matthew Walters

The holidays can be a difficult time to be single and dating. There is a lot of pressure to find someone who can share all of those holiday events with, culminating with the ultimate pressure filled event, New Year’s Eve. It’s enough to drive you into the arms of the nearest available man. This is a strategy that results in high expectations and crushing disappointment.

We want to offer a different path this holiday season, one that could very well make sure you never spend another holiday lonely and alone. And to accomplish this, you need to change the direction of your focus – away from finding the right man, right now, and towards becoming the right woman, always.

The path to accomplish this feat requires that you stop looking for someone to complete you and start becoming the best woman you can be. This requires you to take some loving actions with yourself.

The first step is to release yourself from finding him now. Relax, enjoy the holidays with friends and family, and ignore all those questions about why you are still single. The winter is the perfect time to reflect and introspect. Take this time to look inward and develop a positive self-love practice.

Here are a few suggestions:

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By Ali Binazir, MD

Hooray for the holidays – a time for presents, parties, and love for all! Everyone’s in a good mood and having a ball! Right?

Well, sort of. In the midst of the celebrations, there is a dark side as well: the folks who felt lonely and isolated before the holidays may feel even more excluded and be pushed to despair. Rates of suicide and depression are sky-high during the holiday season.

So if you’re a single person – and perhaps perennially so – seeing all these lovey-dovey couples in their warm, impeccably-decorated households with their lovey-dovey couple friends may not do much to boost your mood.

But there is yet hope – opportunity in the midst of crisis! In my job as Captain Obvious, I’m happy to report that you are not alone in your singlehood. Before the holidays, there are about 50 million single women in the US and about the same number of single men. With the right mindset and a little bit of initiative, the holidays may be the best time for you to create some meaningful connections, anywhere from a pleasantly torrid make-out session to a life partner. Here are some ideas:

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By Debi Berndt

When you are single around the holidays, you can be tempted to focus on what you don’t have in the absence of your true love. Whether you have been alone for a while or are recently going through a breakup, it may be hard for you to have any sense of gratitude. You know you should try to be happy in the moment, but it is just so darn difficult to have any holiday cheer.

This spiritual idea of being at peace without wanting anything more was always a struggle for me. I used to wonder if that meant I have to settle for being unattached and stop complaining. I thought I had to give up my desires and attachment to external things to be truly enlightened. No matter how much I meditated and tried to let go, I still wanted my dating life to change. I found it hard to imagine being satisfied until “the one” arrived.

Whether you are out in the dating world or in a relationship desiring it to go to the next level, you should not feel guilty for wanting more as long as you remember to be peaceful in the now. The natural law of life is to grow and expand so the good news is there is more to come. You are constantly in motion, growing toward something. You are not a static force. You have always been perfect, but never finished with the masterpiece of your life.

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