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Please leave a comment below! I want to hear what YOU are taking away from this training.
I came across your site today and much of what you said was familiar on some levels, as I have been on a soul journey for a few years, especially the last year, and even more so, the last 3 months. My life is changing so fast and I am learning to set intentions and manifest through believing in myself and in my authentic self. But, I am still on the journey that I was starting to feel like I had all figured out until recently. A couple months a go my boyfriend broke up with me. We were long distance and I had moved back to where we met to be with him. He was out of the country for work and a couple months before he came back, he said his heart wasn’t in it. It was drama free and I told him I respected his choice even though it hurt me and I did not like it, I wasn’t going to beg or try to convince him (or anyone) to be with me. It took me a little while to get over him and I spent 30 days No Contact, with the intent of getting him back. Before the 30 days was over, I started to feel less and less inspired to try to get in touch with him, although he did have some of my stuff. I finally was honest about why I wasn’t reaching out and it as really keeping me stuck, waiting for him to be the one to do it first. And, I wasn’t even sure I wanted him to. He broke up with me and then immediately texted me about how broken hearted he was, I cried after I turned off FaceTime. He’d contacted me a few days after to wish me luck on my Spartan Race. I responded with, “Thank you.” And that was it. The 30 day mark passed and I was getting more and more over him but there was a small part that wondered how I would feel when I saw him. Well, I did contact him and it was totally cordial and nice. He helped me get my things in to the car, we chatted for a few minutes after I gave him a book I’d gotten for him that was signed by the author before we broke up, and then I left. Ten minutes. And I felt fine. I was ok. It took me a few minute to be sure I asked myself if I was ok, if I was really ok, and if I was in denial. I finally decided that it was ok to be ok and this was a new feeling for me, I felt confused but relieved. For the first time in an adult relationship, I feel like I got some sort of closure bc as much as I wanted to believe he was my guy, our energy that day was so noticeably different to me. I no longer felt passion or longing. I still think he is cray attractive but I looked at him and actually loved HIM, the broken person he is and that he helped me see in myself. Our relationship ended but it was supposed to. I learned so much about myself, my fears, my triggers, my reactions, and my beliefs from that relationship coming to an end and then ending. I am so grateful for him and our relationship. When it was good it was SO GOOD and it was never to the polar extreme. It just didn’t work. So, wow, that was a lot. If you are still reading, kudos. Basically I wanted to share that story as a lead in to meeting an amazing man who I really like, we share the same values, have similar interests, are both entrepreneurs, have a love for God, are on a mission of self discovery and growth, and practice mindfulness as much as possible. I feel that God put it on my heart to wait 6 months to date. I met him a few month ago for the first time and was instantly drawn to him and he to me. It has been pretty slow (which is great). From the beginning of us starting to spend time together (about a month and a half ago) I told him that I wasn’t dating. We spend time together avery once in a while and it starts to increase, especially last week; we spent almost every day together hanging out, going hiking, meeting up with his friends, dinner, spending time with his daughter. Last Thursday I talked with him about my feelings of wanting to get attached to him and that it scared me because of everything going on. I told him that it was important to me to stand by what I said (not dating) and not turn around a practically date under the guise of “friends”. We haven’t ever kissed, although we wanted to. We hug and clasp arms when we walk. We laugh and we talk. It’s so nice and he is so gentle and kind but definitely an Alpha. I also told him I was more afraid to disobey God and risk losing what he has planned for me – to make me the woman I am supposed to be, ready for a real relationship – than I was scared of him losing interest in me. And he was totally supportive and respectful. He said that he is glad I talked to him bc he was going to talk to me. The conversation happened very naturally. He said he wants to grow with me bc he is on a similar journey and that he loves that I am aware and am working on improving where I am with myself and in life. It is easy to begin imagining life with him. And, I think it would be pretty darn great. I couldn’t believe he gave me the response I hoped for. I was really relieved. At least I thought. I started to notice not soon after our talk, the net day I kind of caught myself being a little pushy. It was like it just happened and then I would be like, where did that come from? He hiked with friends over the weekend and I had a friend visiting from out of town, so we went out and had an absolute blast after a day filled with nature, and hiking mountains. On Monday I woke up to a text from him along with some pics from his 14er. I was glad to see his message and pictures and I responded with a couple from mine. Here is where I “messed up” (this is what really triggered the vicious cycle and now I know that, so thanks.) My main core fears are rejection, disconnection, and being disliked. This stems from childhood and an abusive home environment but extended into my adolescence and adult life and relationships. My “guy issue” started when I was involved with a much older guy at a young age. He was engaged with a pregnant fiance and I was 13 years old. We had affairs for many years as I got older and he moved through wives. I used to hope he would save me and protect me and I wanted to marry him, when I was a young and immature girl. So my cycle goes like this:
I meet a guy and get really excited about him and start to believe he is The One. Then, I begin thinking “What if I do something wrong or say something wrong or am too “me” and he doesn’t like me anymore? All fears triggered. What happens then? I start to get pushy, trying to tie down future plans (when I never did before…I would suggest but never push). I talk too much, interrupt, talk over him, don’t inquire about his real message, and worst of all, kind of invalidate their stories bc I jump right in to blab all about my own amazing time. **Funny, this JUST HAPPENED this week. After our messages on Monday, when we were sharing pics from the weekend, I apologized. I wrote him and said, I feel like I need to apologize. I kind of talked over you and I am sorry. I will work on that. He responded and said it was ok, but I could sense something when he was getting off the phone, like, alright….stop talking already…gotta go..and that was a first. He just said, You are a talker! and a big smile emoji. I said, God definitely gave me the gift of gab, but it shouldn’t be used to overshadow or annoy. He again said I was fine and that it had been good to talk to me on the phone. The next morning when I woke up (on Tues) I had some mixed texts about a project I am working on with him. I responded after I woke up and told him I had been asleep because I was sick when he messaged the night before. Later that day I sent him a message asking if he wanted to go out to one of the lakes with his daughter before I go out of town for 3 weeks. He responded back maybe so, and that he thinks he is free that weekend. And I haven’t heard from him since. I berated myself for leaning forward and texting him about the lake. I did it to feel close to him because I was worried that I messed up by talking over him or interrupting him and I realized from this video that I was trying to be in control, and get validation from him that he really does like me. I have been replaying the handful of texts over in my mind trying to see if I possibly DID push him away. My last ex said it was “something I said” that made him pull away (which I don’t buy, but whatever). I have been checking my phone constantly and feeling defeated each time the screen revealed other people’s messages or notifications. I started to feel really anxious yesterday and it lasted till last night when I had an “aha” moment. This is a gift to be able to recognize all this in myself. If I WAS spending time with him, I would be repeating old patterns instead of having the time to take care of myself and study, learn, and grow into the woman I am surely becoming. SO I am the phase of What did I do wrong and feeling like he is kind of pulling away, whether he actually is or not. I mean we spent a lot of time together last week and we both have lives, si he might just be busy or want some alone time with his kid, or whatever. But this is what is going on inside my head. I have thought several times today, If I never hear from him again, I can handle that, but it hurts. So, I have decided to pull back, really focus on the other amazing parts of my life, know that I am in a good place and that I am learning, and the if he is the right guy for me than this won’t even faze us in the long run. I know I started getting used to texting every day and then seeing each other a lot last week. But that was when we both could do that. So, I am trying to be present and realize, I am pretty freaking busy and it is kind of nice to be able to just focus and do what I need to do and want to do for me, my business, and my life. Usually I would either date a lot of guys at once or have long term relationships (I have been married and divorced twice). After my second divorce a year ago (we had been estranged for a year prior to that) I dated like crazy and friends called me Tinder Queen and even had me assess their profiles and change it if I thought it needed sprucing up. I started dating my ex long distance after I moved to the Caribbean for work. After we broke up, I did have the urge to “get back out there” after a week or so of grieving and being sad and disappointed. But, I quickly decided that wasn’t the path for me. Now I am happy that I am where I am and that I am waiting for a few months before I “get back out there” so I am the partner God created me to be. I am really excited for this journey and look forward to answering the homework questions.
Loved it. Sensable! The video alone boosted my confidence and helped me see how much I sabatoge myself with negative thoughts. More importantly though, it reminded me that the love-relationship is only one sphere of my life and that my other relationships with friends and family can also benefit from nurturing the most imminent of them all: relationship with myself ie. self-love. Which is what I have preached to my girlfriends who I have watched go through the churning cycle. Meanwhile, I’ve judged on the sidelines, telling myself, I prefer to be alone. And I may have and will occasionally still need lots of good alone time (just part of who I am). But I was doing alot of that passive-aggressively and now I am trying something new. Its fun and exciting and I am learning to love and care for myself at the same time that I put myself out there. I am caring for myself by taking it slow. I love it.
hi well um im in middle school and i really like this guy and he likes me and he wants to go out but he said he wants to take it slow and he said he wants to go out soon so can u help me
I found you in youtube first and decided to visit your webpage. I love the dating den!! I’ve told all my friends about it. Now, about this video, answering your questions:
1. My AHA moment: “You are leaking”. I guess you are right. I’m a very rational/logic person and usually I don’t believe in abstract things, but I have come to believe that (unfortunately), yes, our unconscious thoughts and behaviors betray us and somehow escape our brains and manifest so vividly in others.
2. What’s gonna be my action plan? I’ll truly try my best to change the way I think. I’m a perfectionist, somewhat obsessive/compulsive and when it comes to meeting somebody I have thoughts like “I’m thin, but now I have a belly” or “I didn’t do my nails, therefore he will think I don’t care”… stupid stuff like that or “I don’t know much about music/news/books, therefore, he is not gonna like me”.
Also, I find excuses, which seem pretty valid to me: I moved to a new city 2 years ago, but I haven’t been able to meet a nice guy. My social circle is limited and I have too many married friends. My only single girlfriend is always dating somebody. My work environment is always the same kind of people and I get discourage about dating peers. Online dating seems boring. Bottom line: I don’t know where to find nice single men in this city. Any ideas?
I got a lot out of the first video and I am so glad I made this investment in myself. I am going through a very painful break up and dont really have anyone to talk to about it. The judgement journal is helping me because I feel devastated and so alone. I have to say that my aha moment is that I fall in love with men that make me feel like I am walking on egg shells. Which validates my negative feelings about myself and low self worth. I want to find my man for life and I am hopeful that your videos and work on my part will get me through this terrible time in my life. I’m trying to stay positive and strong.
hye everyone …..
can you tell me about how i am vanished for some time ????
I’m glad I came across you today. I’ve just started to put myself out there after divorce. By putting myself out there I have become so aware of my “catabolic” talk (thanks for showing me what it was). I have been changing my self talk and self belief and will become that strong, confident woman that I know I am.
This made a lot of things clear. I loved the part about showing him that I deserve the whole cake! So true. I think because I have a disability I struggle to know how to present that part of myself. It’s hard once you tell a guy about something like that to then sound like the confidant woman I am because you try to give people latitude to understand and ask you questions without letting conversation veer into those hurtful or downright misconceptions about the sort of person you are because of this aspect. I would love your comments on this and look forward to video two.
I have listened to some of your speaches this morning ‘ In the hope to see
where i have always gone wrong with my relationships in life.
You have opened my eyes to many of my own bad traits and now realize i was at fault.
Thank you for your input to help me re-educate my whole perseptive on life and men.
Thank you for helping me take the first step toward restoring the child within.
Thank you, Marni!
Your advice is completely insightful and I have learned a great deal. I have always been a high achiever (and over-functioner according to my therapist) and I never saw this as a detriment but rather how I was born. I am a take charge sort of person and it is hard for me to take a back seat and let the man lead. I will make the effort to sit back and let them take care of me. So, I just need to relax and let that good man come to me. Will keep you posted!
Great video. My big “aha” was around the Sex appeal” discussion to embrace and exude the feminine self. I’m pretty self confident, but have developed a lot of masculine energy over the years because of my work environment. I’m struggling with how to tap back into my feminine self, and how to transition after work from the masculine to the feminine to learn how to receive and to attract a “man” as a mate, instead of a guy who wants me to be the man. Would love some tools on how to make that transition successfully.
This was very helpful. I know I’ve had some self-protective thinking, but I think this really helped me identify an area of concern. I’m just not sure how to break the rut. It’s the lethargy over dating. I know I’m very attractive and I like guys, but just recently I took my profiles down for a few months because I was busy with changing jobs and it felt like too much to date. I even told a guy that. So I think that’s my issue. I went through some things a few years ago and feel like I over gave and now I feel like I have to put my responsibilities first or a relationship might be too much for me emotionally. Not sure how to break this rut.
Wow what an awakening, although I can say my biggest fear is the hurt, there is a guy I am interested in , we talk for ages when we see each other, I know alot about him, and he about me, but taking that next step hmmmm, and I think maybe he is a bit the same,,, thank you for your very informative info,,, will be waiting for the next video, thanks again
I have been working actively on improving my self worth with a therapist. Several things in this video really struck a chord with me. I just recently started dating a great guy. After our first date, I was so excited about the prospect of dating him. I didn’t hear from him for two days and started to have doubts. Normally, I would have texted to try to get his attention but I patiently waited to hear from him. This was very different from how I acted in the past. So, I feel I made a different decision to get me out of the relationship rut. We are having our second date in two days. I’m excited and nervous. I started feeling the negative patterns/anxiety creeping in (don’t want to blow this, it’s too good to be true…). I loved the stop obsessing toolkit. I actually giggled when you brought it up because I think it is an easy trap to fall into. I am going to do my best to get myself out of that obsessing pattern. I want to be excited and enjoy this next date. Thanks for the advise. It was all helpful. I can’t wait to watch the next two videos!
I am so hurt by an emotionally unavailable man, he has kill me inside. I need to love myself again but is difficult because he make me feel guilty about his own anger, I have dated this guy for 2 1/2 years, I meet him on-line, he was so charming at the beginning of the relationship, he changed a lot, he use to break things when upset, I moved with him and he kicked me out in the middle of the night because he was upset, I have going trough roller-coaster because he use to break up with me every time an argue arrives, I have date an angry guy and I can’t believe how nasty he was with those horrible words and name calling, them he use to love me back and repeated the same episode over and over when he was angry over little things, how I can love myself back knowing that this 51 years old guy gave me a promise ring and played games with me?
Ah, you’re so refreshing…I love your take! I’m personally tired of all the crumbs and look forward to learning the skills I need to get my cake!! Enjoying these videos but can’t wait to work with you in January…’cause this is gonna be MY year, dammit! 🙂
I received emails with the first and third videos but I didn’t receive an email with the second video. 🙁
A great reminder that thoughts become things, and like energy attracts like energy!I really appreciate the homework to help put the tools mentioned in motion. For me, I get stuck trying to figure out the ideal image of Super Me, and stopping the fear I have around trying one more time. I have never “dated” much, and feel that I need to learn how.
I want to make a comment to you that it is true that I have both things going on, that in the rut dumps feeling like don’t bother you are an old woman now (61), and due to the public nature of this post I can not reveal details of my life, but know that I would like to change a pattern and though I know about it, it is difficult indeed. Then there is me, an Alfa woman, who is too straight forward, overly feminine, busty, in an EXTRA large woman’s body, I’m a cartoon character I think sometimes,(flirty), but I do need to be loved and love in return, beyond my aging glamour, Both passive and leadership oriented I am very much relating to what you are saying. I am also extremely picky who I want into my life, and very careful not to let people in, I really do want to interview, observe, understand and know if that man is ok to bring in even for a conversation and what do we talk about? Do I come off too heavy? I can scare them off, but then I am protecting the most valuable thing to me and that is the control of my time and I weigh if that man is worth the value I have on my own time alone. I am really looking for an excellent man. So, as you say above, on the other side of it, I do in fact value myself more and I am looking for something very specific in a man. O thanks for this lesson.
Hi,this is your first video i’m listening to,i listen to a lot of these videos on line but with yours what caught my attention was when you started talking about the circle of rut.
You meet a wonderful guys,you get the spark,and all of a sudden he pulls away and you are left thinking what happened,what did i do wrong,you are tempted to check in on him to see how things can be resolved,and if it doesn’t work you beat yourself up over this and this affects your self confidence,your self worth begins to depreciate,so also other aspects of your life. And as you talk about all these issue,i started to pick out the ones that apply to me and i believe this learning process is only the begining of a recovery process with you. I really would love to take more lessons from you and hopefully this leads to a fulfilling new life.Thank you for these lessons.
Sooo -I enjoyed your webinar. But it reinforced the value of self worth, going for the cake, and I know I am awesome. I think I radiate that as well, but I feel the scarcity of suitable men. The scarcity is real. I am not imaging the scarcity (BTW, I live on an outer island). I can go months and months without even encountering a new single male within 10-15 years of my age. I have tried online dating, and have met few of interest. Travelling to another island cost 100’s of $ and is very time consuming. I recently resorted to trying the Tinder APP and a 23 year old co-worker is interested in the same 39 year old man I am (I am 43) on the site, reinforcing my perception of scarcity. Only 15 people work in my office and we are the only single people. Its pretty funny in many ways. When I leave this island, I do meet single men, sometimes age appropriate. Its very encouraging, but I am not sure how to deal with the geographic issue. I live on the rural Big Island of Hawaii, and being single over the age of 30 is a bit of an oddity here…But I am here for an amazing career, and a wonderful quality of life. I love men – I have had heart breaks in the past, but I stopped holding on to that ages ago. And have dated a few really wonderful men….that left the island for family obligations or better job/career opportunities. How can shed the leak of scarcity, but adjust dating to the reality of that scarcity?
Thanks so much for sharing this video! I love the “stop and breath”process and will definitely apply it. At the moment my biggest challenge is that athough in the past year, since my last boyfriend and I broke up I’ve done an enormous amount of work and do feel that I’ve learned a lot, I still don’t see any results, in fact, I am getting less dates than before. Sometimes I am in dispair and I really need to focus on keeping a positive attitude, which is difficult.
I guess I should just let it go… let the whole dating bussiness go… but it is hard as deep inside I’d really like to meet the One.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? If so, how did you cope with that?
I’m learning to not take men at face value but to try and recognize which manimal they are or if they fit into one of those categories. I feel I’m a little slow at processing at times. I was emailing a couple of guys online last night. And I always wait for them to go first and then I’ll respond. One of them I kept thinking what is taking him so long. Then this morning, after being reminded from Marni again, I thought, hmmm, maybe he’s Mr Illusive. I don’t know. Maybe he’s a great guy. The other guy wanted to come across as a good guy and maybe he is but I was not impressed when he invited me to his house (was that a test?) and I just used my feminine power to kindly decline. Then I wondered if I might have used some masculine power that may have been some turn off vibes I was giving, not sure but it’s fun figuring it out. I’m looking forward to the next video. Thanks Marni!
I just watched this video and it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks! I found the cake and he told me some of these things and was very honest with me. It took me aback a bit, but I realized he was correct. He wants to see me again. So now I really have to work on these things. This one video gave me the tools to do so.
Hi I just listened to your video and it has helped me, but it also raised some questions in a situation that I am finding myself in right now. I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 months, after knowing him for almost 2 years. He actively pursued me, sent me texts, called daily and lately nothing. I would like to know how to approach this. Should I call him, should I ask what’s going on? Or should just let it go? I welcome any and all help that you can give me.
Hi. just watched the first training video. And about the stop leaking, I am going to say some affirmations daily which reflect my super self and positive emotions. And by repeating these, helps these qualities to manifest themselves and radiate to the date. And I would be feeling this way. Just broke off a 10 year relationship and just about dived head first into online dating. I am glad I stopped and googled and found this video. thank you
I really like your videos dose are the mistake I had be going over and over but since I started reading your video, I learned a lot more about men thanks you very much for your good advice,
Thanks for this series, Marni. I am really enjoying your work. My biggest AHA moment came from drawing out the vicious cycle. I have spent the last three months seriously looking at limiting beliefs and have found some really interesting ones to work with- I’m a fraud, love is a contest I can never win, etc etc. But so far, they have been abstract thoughts to deal with in meditation. The vicious cycle actually lets you see when the thought is triggered, what behavior it drives and what actions you can take instead. Thank you for that. I have a question though. Since I have been working on limiting beliefs I have been attracting a lot of men (yay!). I usually have a strong feeling within the first hour if there is enough of a connection to keep seeing him but I feel like I should be giving it a little more time to see if a connection develops. What are your thoughts on that? Can your initial instinct/intuition be enough to guide you (at least enough to separate the “nos” from the “maybes” ?) or should you wait for a while? Thank you!
I really like there videos take more impact on me so thank you very much, I really having serious problem with relationship so I need your help please.
Thank you for your insite. I love the Vicious Cycle Wheel. I have used a similar concept in other areas of my life and find that it is very helpful. It helps me focus on what is going on inside my head and be able to stop the crazies. Looking forward to the next video.
Thank you very much for this series. I am just recovering from a guy who just stopped communicating after dating for two months and having deep meaningful conversations and mutual affectionate displays. I camly asked for clarify and an honest answer as whether he had lost interest. There was a subltle shift. I unknowingly followed your steps as I have worked very hard on myself via therapy and trying to avoid the telltale signs of the more problematic men. Your video affirmed my approach and reminded me that I deserve the whole cake not someone who has shown themselves to be incapable of dealing with conflict. I needed the remainder to love myself despite this very sad event that initially led me to question myself. I especially liked how you broke down what has taken me years to learn. I look forward to the next video.
What wonderful advice! So much of this information was stuff I’ve known all along was holding me back from finding the right guy for my life. I have been in putting myself in my pattern for way too long and want a change!
Oh, I’m already excited to hear all that’s coming up next. I didn’t realize how much I’m holding myself back through my own thoughts! Wow, that’s one thing I will definitely try my best to put into action: Change my thoughts so I can change who I attract. Because sometimes I have the exterior together, but it’s the interior that seems to stop me in my tracks! Definitely taking that away with me because I am ready for change! 🙂
Hi Marni: Sorry for long message just wanted tell you what going on here and , i don’t know what to do i have watch first video and watch other one this evening28 sept /14 .Can you help me pls and thank you ..Margaret!
I REALLY ENJOYED THE VIDEO, YOU ARE A GREAT COACH!!
I AM READY TO MAKE A SELF COMMITTMENT AND WORK OUT TO HAVE MY “TRUE ME VERSION”
IT WOULD BE AWESOME TO HAVE YOU IN MEXICO
Honestly, I am so terrible at the whole dating thing. And this video was like all-in-all an ah-hah moment. I am working on getting myself out of all the negative thoughts that have been spilled on me over the years. I am so ready to re-direct my thoughts, because I am now to the point where I have had enough, and I am so ready for this!
Marni it Margaret i hope help me …i want learn steps for next video i will watch it tommorrow ….Margaret
Margaret…Marni: I really enjoyed video but for me im 54 and i like tell long story, going make short im in friendship kinda weird, being knowing man he younger then me and how met him on phone chat line.And we become great friendship long distance i have weird friendship with man ,coming up oct 4 yrs knowing him well i met him i took change going up see him for the weekend i ask bring dog at the time np,i was nervous cause he waiting for me at door he ask where hugs so i give to him.Well we chatted in couch and we kissed its was nice but when came bedroom give me my space because he is gentleman we did have sex i was so tired he nice man but i did good time but felt ok at the time we relax watch tv and took outside belcany.And we chatted and think shy abit running away in funny way by the time sun of course took dog out ask some many time thank him bring my dog liked dogs,so when time go home i told him give big hug i had good time said same thing he told call him make sure got home safety, ok well when i got home i called him and ask him how feel meeting me and he told me on the phone i snork abit and told snored left me told me i wanted sleep so went on couch.Then told me shy everyone get shy when met someone get know them all good cause we still chatting on the phone for along time we told each other cared for special way he call me hun give me big hugs ,always came on phone i have diary about this relationship.I could make book on this not going too ..lol i met again we i thought we good time i didn’t have dog give away do moving back parents for now long story,went up his place for long weekend in Aug i had fun went grocies for dinner we had lobster its my first time i had it and we wine its fun and took me for breakfast etc,we really got know each kinda nice all good he still gave me space give me kisses on back neck so cute opening up ask him no kisses nope he joking with me .I having good time with him drank wine and he had beer we sit outside at front in his garage it was cool,and when time go home took me out for breakfast thank him still had chance relax with before went home give bug hugs give big hugs call me get home ok give me gift went way cuba i went way with family in march i bought him 2 neckles because he wearing 1 them.So give his gift it was scorpion cuba name cute,we very special friendship but i feel something missing he always tell me called maggie im gentlmen i never hurt you well he lied cause he went cuba met someone from our state Canada same age me then told me met her before went seen long weekend.I was working at the time on lunch short conversation thats when told me ask him later call me back maybe best talk each seeing her ask him sex with him yes well mouth just dropped then thinking i don’t own him but why does man tell he has sex with someone thats hurts going tell him our friendship finished and why would call from her place she at work ?we chatting ever since, but now our conversation short now i not working last time chatted on the phone sept 10/14 i really care for him but i don’t think cares for me well sent message on computer short message ok missed chatted with him so i don’t seem care let be never know when calls me calls cell don’t want, i did text him for first time test ..lol enough this i just don’t know i have told how i feel and all lost weight and worked out trying get back into self be happy all i want someone care for love me back i love him back and laughter .So listening video i need alot things on video get back feel good meeting right one think positive not negitive..im looking forward watching next video thank you Marni i need advice just need some one for me except me for me who am!….Margaret xox
thanks so much for the video= I have been in the ugh area for 15 years. I stopped dating to raise my son. Now able to fully engage.
My biggest epiphany was “my unconscious thoughts are heard” this explains so much!!!!!
i’m so glad i found time to listen to this first video. I can’t wait to see the others. you are great…and your words of wisdom explained a lot of things for me. i really like how you say that I/ (we) can take responsibility for getting the greatest results in dating. It’s not said in a condescending way (like: “you are responsible for your misfortunes”, or “own your part in this destructive relationship you’re in”, etc…) because i’ve heard those way too often and it’s not supportive or helpful at all to hear that. it just causes guilt and shame. I like the way you phrase it (essentially, it’s the same idea…that it’s up to me to create my happiness) but the way you word it is so empowering, exciting and supportive. thanks!!!
Thanks for the video! I’m starting dating again after a long time taking time out to sort myself out spiritually, emotionally and mentally. My aha moment was now I have started dating again I still have that ‘what if he doesn’t like me’ voice coming up when I consider spending time with a guy so I’m going to keep up with affirming myself that I am enough and totally deserve nothing more than the cake and take the be all and end all pressure I put on dates. I’m looking forward to the next part in the series and I feel really pleased and grateful to have found this resource so I do not have to do this on my own and can date with dignity in the future!
What a wonderful, insightful and powerful video. The greatest gift for me was the Romantic Rut and the arrow choice points. Wow! I have been dating a lot after a 22 year loveless marriage and seeing this vivid pattern was enlightening! I could have been on that downward spiral for years, using it to beat myself up, too. After learning from you, I am loving myself already and I will choose to be my anabolic self as I discover my limiting beliefs and blast through them. I am very excited that Mat Boggs share you with me.
You are a Gorgeous Gift!
I keep dating me with young kids who act like victims of their marriages. 50 with kids whose ex wives run the show.
I just wanted to say I’m experiencing the same u just said in this video and I want to have confident and love myself because because of all that I have been went thru made me hate my myself n that lowered my self esteem….I wanna get rid of these romantic ruts …and I want to become my that ”super-me ”the frame which I made for me…I have been hurting from that same man again and again and that’s my hubby…I cant offord those CDs but I want to continue this coaching sessions n I want all the information here in my inbox as I already have done the homework u told us to do….I really into it…I wanna change myself for me….
I love this video, it also teaches a man, I always protect my heart when am dating because, I give my heart when I fall in love.
I had two ah-ha moments.
1. Dating the same guy but with a different face. I keep attaching myself to guys who are broken so I feel needed– it gives me a feeling of of value since I have negative thoughts about myself.
2. Justifying why its OK for me to only get crumbs. I get frustrated because I want more and I just tell myself if I worked harder and if I just have more and showed this is what I want that he would want to reciprocate– but the don’t they just take and give you just enough so you don’t leave them or you go back to them.
Ok SO your Level 1 Catabolic energy description fits me to a tee. I have reached a point in this online dating experience that has left me so discouraged that I cannot even muster up excitement when the one in a million decent guy sends me a note. When I see I have a new message from someone my reaction is “let’s see what loser/dumbass is writing me this time.” Recognizing I’ve been bitter and closed down to men, I have shut down my profiles online. I’m taking a break. And yet… my heart and soul aches for a partner, for love and tenderness and someone to share my days and nights with. I am 43, still single. And when I say single, I mean perpetually single. The longest relationship I had was in my twenties for one year. I have put my toe in the dating pool off and on since my early to mid thirties, but always the same story. Nice guys but no spark. No personality, no attraction. There is a small handful who I actually let myself get hopeful about, but they all ended abruptly and quickly into the “relationship” (before it could really get off the ground). I fell in love for the first time in my life earlier this year. At this point in my life, I feel hopeless that it will ever happen again, and my efforts to meet even one man who I enjoy the company of and am attracted to have been futile. Of course I ask myself “what am I doing wrong?” I must be leaking big time but truth be told, of the men I’ve met, I’m not hurting to be asked for second dates, third dates. It’s me who is not interested in them. They bore me. BUT I do recognize that if I find a man attractive, I become intimidated and scared and insecure. I’m too fat, I’m not fun enough, etc etc. So perhaps there is my clue, I need to love and accept myself before I can allow myself to believe that a man who I’m attracted to could find me attractive too. This is hard to do by yourself.
I just watched the video and was really amazed at the knowledge you share. I leak really bad. I attract the same kind of man.. The emotionally unavailable. I just realized it has been that way since childhood. I was never allowed to date growing up, so I think I latched onto the first available man who showed me some attention. I carried that into my adulthood. I am going through a divorce after 20 years of marriage( this was my second) and my husband was emotionally unavailable the whole time. I need this kind of teaching to help me not only to find my true love but to also find my true authentic self. I lost her somewhere on that 20 year journey. Thank you for giving us hope.
Hi Marni, I enjoyed listening to your remarks and what I received from them that will stay with me is the fact that men know when a women has issues or low self-Esteem about herself. Also the fact that a real man really wants to know what makes us happy and he wants us to be happy with ourselves.
The first video is great for strong, dignified, young women. I am 61 years old and my husband of thirty years died 3 years ago. My fear of rejection started with my dad telling me I was worthless and my mom never being satisfied with my accomplishments. These feelings of worthlessness have been reinforced by schoolmates, coworkers, my husband (it seems that I married my dad), and recently by a guy I knew before I married who looked me up about a year ago. I should have married him when I had the chance, but I didn’t think I was worthy. I treaded lightly for a while to see if he still felt the same about me. Everything he said led me to believe that he did. Then I began to do and say all the wrong things, appearing needy and desperate. He started calling less until he quit completely. I guess I will never know if it could have worked because I blew my chance. So now I am looking at the daunting prospect of trying to date again. And not making the same mistakes. I can hardly get myself to get out of the house to see friends, go to church or even to the grocery store. I don’t want anyone to see the state I am in. I am afraid of losing my friends, too. After they helped me through my husband’s death, they are probably tired of seeing my tears. I just keep going further into my shell. If I got up the courage to go out, I don’t know where to meet any quality men, and if I did I would be terrified of the pain of rejection again. Dating With Dignity sounds wonderful, but I have no confidence that I could do it. I am doing the homework, and I am really going to try to believe that I have worth. Being retired, I don’t have the means to purchase your intensive programs. I wish I could. I really appreciate the free help that you are giving. Thank you. I really am going to try.
Thank you so much for this. You are definitely speaking my language and you’ve communicated ideas that I already knew about in a way that makes them hit home for me! I’ve been stuck in a romantic rut of dating the same types of guys, and I even know where all this comes from, but I didn’t think I had it in me to change what I was doing. Now I’ve reached a point in my life where – for perhaps the first or second time – I have made a choice about a guy who wasn’t right at all for me, and kicked him out the door, and I feel amazing! Your video has helped affirm some of the realisations that led me to this – you put it into words. One thing that has really struck home with me is how much staying in a relationship that doesn’t work was costing me. I’m a business woman and yet I never thought about it that way. I always thought that if there was even a bit of good feeling between me and a guy, it would be worth seeing how far our relationship could go. But now I realise there is much more at play and first, I’m staying in these relationships because I’m kidding myself that they are better than nothing, and second, these relationships are costing me the time to really make sure that I take care of and love my number 1: me.
Thank you for nudging me into making these realisations! I look forward to video #2!
Loved it ! Marni’s clear, easy-to-relate-to communication is a gift to us all in the evolution of relationships. Thank you Marni !
The video and interview was great. I have spent two years in a fwb relationship because I obsessed over him. He is, hopefully was an addiction, and I was awaiting my next fix always. I have heard all that was said. I am unable to tell him communication is over and I will not take crumbs as I have said it for two years and what makes him believe it anymore this time then the numerous times before. My aha moment is knowing it is my owness, I own this fully, I get what I accept. Is this learned, no I am longing for a relationship someone to share time with me but not fully so that makes me emotionally unavailable as well. He has always been upfront, he has always said he wants to be the hunter, he can’t deal with my emotions after our passion. What is it costing me to hold on? Pain. I have been through the victim thinking, why bother dating…It is time for me to exhibit anabolic thinking and behaving. What has been my fear, my fear was completely loosing him. Loosing what? Crumbs. I am going to do the homework making a list of what he does to piss me off. What I want in a partner, Imagine whacking the pedestal I have put him on and write the letter. My biggest worry will I hold up when he contacts me if he contacts me. I have let six months go by in the past and I crumble for the passion again and again and then I reach out. He always knows I will come back. I do not like who I become for him. I have always had men chase me never have I behaved this way. Passion and chemistry is blinding. I find it amazing that he continues to come back for sex and allows himself to be put through this as well. If the tables were reversed and a man suffocated me like this I would run and never look back. He is upfront with me, I live in a fantasy, I compare, and I do not like myself this way. I am afraid of facing not having any part of him at all and knowing as I walk and do not look back he will not be coming after me because I blew it with him. I have had good guys in my life but I am attracted to this unattainable alpha male. I have a lot of work to do, I plan on doing it but my biggest fear is will I succeed permanently and not break later on at the sound of his voice, his kiss, when I am lonely…Will I hold up and stay away.
Thanks for the amazing material. I was shocked that men could read our thoughts…WOW! I would not have thought that. Thanks…and loved the ‘romantic rut’ syndrome. Thanks again for such deep and thought- provoking self-love improvements. Lynda
Hi Marni, wow as a child of the 70’s and 80’s I have always held true to my beliefs as a feminist, responsible for her own life and success. My aha moment was almost certainly that incredible sense of having my brain totally rewired to understand – powerful/strength is vunerability! wow, wow, wow. Thank you for giving me the chance to allow myself to be vunerable (I will not reach straight for the phone when feeling unsure, but sit in the moment and know that I am worthy)
This is extraordinary! I am lucky to have find you now in a moment that I like to call the “turning point” (simply because I am currently struggling to like, accept, love and respect muself).
My Ah ha moment was when I realised that everything I thought about myself is actually imprinted on my appearance and everyone can see it, that pretending to love yourself will not fool anyone and will only hurt you more. It’s frightening really!
I have always been the ‘tomboy’, the girl with whom you can talk about anything and everything. I wish I were more feminine…
I got asked on date only a few times and even though they were great guys I didn’t want to go further (on a second date) simply beacuse I was not into them that much or I did not want to get hurt.
I have to admit that I am afraid of getting hurt, of being vulnerable. I want to love and to feel loved, respected and cared about, but at the same time I am afraid that I might lose myself (I might open too much, lose who I am).
Guys do look at me often and I get along with them easily but none of them has the courage to invite me somewhere, to find out more about who I truely am, it seems like I am forever stuck in that “friendzone”. And I don’t like it! I want to change that and jump out of it!
I like a guy, and we know eachother for quite a while. Whenever we meet (for example we participated at a contest together, and we met a few days ago with a common friend) I feel that there is some tension and attraction between us(or it might be just my impression, I don’t know), but we don’t have the courage to step further, to ask in order to receive an answer. We get along great and there is definitely a connection. He is smart, funny, goodlooking, caring, respectful, in other words he sums up just what I look for in a man, but… *unfortunately there is a ‘but’* I don’t know what are his feelings, what is his status, what he wants and expects from someone…
I don’t know, Marni…
But I tell you this, I am willing to change myself for better, to love and respect myself, to become a better me, to follow, understand and apply your advice. You have already helped me so much! Thank you!
I loved this video because it is the first time I’ve heard a dating coach give practical exercises that counter the inner programming that is interfering with success in relationships. Advice is good, but hasn’t been enough to make the shift. Thank you so much.
BTW, I saw your link to the Millionaire Man dating site and bought the program because it was so cheap (I am a single Mom with no Child Support and just don’t have much money to spend), and they appear to me to be a rip off, I have never been able to access their site, they keep telling me they will call me and talk me through it and don’t, and won’t return my money. Just thought you might want to know. <3 Kathy
Hi Marni, thank you for a lot of great and thoughtful information. My ahas are: 1) writing down the rut and seeing it staring at me on the piece of paper; 2) the level 1 and level 2 thoughts idea, and being forced to try to surface them all.
My pattern is my ambivalence, and my confusion about whether that causes me to stay in the wrong relationship, or chuck the right relationship, or choose that situation because I’m not confident that I really can find a wonderful relationship. For many years I thought I didn’t know what I wanted, but now I’m starting to think that what’s really going on is that I don’t think I deserve the absolute best, or I don’t think the absolute best is in the cards for me, so I settle, and then I’m “unsettled” throughout the relationship and ultimately it doesn’t work because my heart was never fully in it in the first place.
Where I fall down now is that I really don’t know how I can get out of this rut of not believing. I’ll try the tools you’ve suggested, and see what happens. Thank you so much! Intelligent stuff. Best, Elizabeth
Really got a lot out of your video and loved the info about Men feeling what we are thinking. I am plagued with self loathing and fear of rejection due to childhood abuse and violent relationship, I have been working hard these last few months to clear this including using EFT Tappping to clear emotions trapped in my body despite years of working on myself. I have discovered so much about myself and have had many Ah Ha! moments including watching your presentation. Enough of hiding away lonely and scared and only attracting emotionally unavailable Men. I intend to do the exercises you suggest to clear my limiting belief and relationship ruts. Looking forward to the next video and will.
Thanks so much
I am a 61 year old woman and seem to have always chosen the wrong men in my life. I was not raised with a lot of self esteem and self worth so that probably contributes to my choices in men. I have been in therapy concerning this issue but have gotten more understanding by listening to you and and it has helped with the way I look at myself.
I was dating a 73 year old man who I fell in love with but was turned off by my lack of self confidence and it scared him when I told him how much I cared for him. We still see each other for dinner and as friends, but it is hard for me to be with him. I know I need to continue to work on me first but do you feel that there is anyway to repair this relationship? I look forward to your videos whatever happens. I am thankful that I found your site.
Thank you so much, Marni. All your videos are helping me prepare myself for my upcoming permanent relationship 🙂 I have been dating crumbs almost all my life, specially loving the mama´s boys and acting as a caretaker myself…nothing good coming out of that of course! I don´t think I have self-esteem problems, that I can notice at least, but it has been hard to let go of those past relationships…always going back to memories, but trying my best to release my emotions. How can I let go of all that?
Have a good one, thanks once again, and please keep helping us!
Conversation started today
hi IM BRITTANY NICOLE CORRELL IM 23 years old MY BIRTHDAY IS OCTOBER 23 ,1990 AN IM DATING A GUY JD EATON THATS HIS NAME AN HES OLDER THEN I AM HES GETTING READY TO BE 39 YEARS OLD AND ME AND HIM MY BF AS IN HE IS WELL HES TELLING OTHER PPL THAT ME AND HIM AIN T DATING BUT REALLY WE ARE AND THIS IS SCAREY AND ,ME AND HIM HASNT HAD ENTERCORES FOR AWHILE ME AND HIM HASNT MADE SWEET LOVE WHATS WRONG WITH ME HE TELLS ME NOT TO BE WORRIED AND HE SAYS HE AINT LEAVING ME BUT ITS HARD TO TRUST A GUY WHEN I DO PICK FLACKEY TYPE GUYS AND HE SAID TO ME THAT IF HE DIDNT WANNA BE WITH ME HE WOULDNT STAYING OVER ALOT OR ANYTHING HE WOULDNT BE HERE HE SAYS I HAVENT GOT LOVE AND EFFECTION IN A LONG TIME SO WHAT DO I DO I DONT WANNA BE SO NEEDDY BUT AND PLUS THAT ONE NIGHT HE TOLD ME THAT HES 39 MAN AND HE CAN TAKE CARE OR HIMSELF AND HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS HES SAYING IS IT IS WHAT IT IS I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
I enjoyed your video, I recently decided to exit a relationship after 2 months because I sensed quite quickly that I was getting the crumbs. Something went wrong between the 1st date and subsequent dates. I lost the Alpha-sexy-feminine-confident thing. I was in a great place having taken time out from dating to focus on being really happy with me, and I genuinely felt I was, as I think came across on that first date.. but subsequent dates were different.. looking back, actually even writing this just now, I think the crumb-giving started earlier than I thought, with no proper date being arranged. Me doing the arranging..Anyhow on subsequent meetings I felt my voice becoming muffled, I felt myself holding back on who I really am… anyway, the thing is, I’m surprised how much this has knocked me for six.. Was I not really free of my demons in the first place? did I slip into an old pattern, or did I meet someone who just wasn’t relationship ready? How do you know the difference. Looking forward to video 2.
There has to be an answer to my problem in your technique. I’m so alone. I don’t meet men and when I do it goes nowhere. I don’t even have girlfriends! I’m educated, professional, but retired and I think I’m friendly and intelligent. But I haven’t been in a relationship for 25 years! Of course I feel victimized but I’m serious about unraveling myself from the negativity this situation has brought on and I’m glad I found the strategies you lay out. Thank you for such a thoughtful, thorough approach.
Yes, you are so on point! I feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis at 42. I am a single mom and an inner-city school teacher. So, I have been out of the dating scene for a while. I have no problem attracting men but I am very particular about who I date and finding the time, energy and motivation to date. It seems like the ones that get my attention are married or players. This school year, I was approached by a somewhat handsome basketball coach and this is a hot and cold situation that is literally driving me CRAZY. However, my “Aha Moment” is not realizing my anabolic state and that I’m leaking. And my action plan is to work on positive thinking, self-love, setting boundaries and selecting or deselecting men wisely.
My ‘aha’ moment was identifying my catabolic thoughts and battling that “ugh” feeling I get from time to time when I am dating. I am a successful young professional and only seem to be attracting underachieving men with short tempers. The odd time I’ll meet a really nice guy that is interested in a long term relationship and I find I haven’t been attracted to them and I seem to push them away. I’ve been through a lot. I was engaged four years ago and broke things off when I determined he was verbally abusive. My next relationship a year or so later was with a professional who was narcissistic and manipulative. I left when I realized that nothing was ever going to be about me and what I wanted EVER. All of this has left me just plain scared to open my heart to anyone for fear that my heart is badly broken yet again. I need to find a way to trust again and be able to open my heart to a good man. I plan to do the homework you suggested and watch the next two video’s.
Hello, I’ve been really trying to put this all into practise since January but I’ve been finding it very hard. I’m still finding that men are disappearing despite them saying that they want to meet up again without me prompting them. I’m a very sensitive person and I find my feelings are hurt by the rejection, especially when I can’t figure out what has happened to make them change their mind about me. At least I’ve stopped trying to chase them to find out why they’ve disappeared! But I’m at the brink of giving up again. I want to find someone but I’m finding repeated rejection very hard to deal with.
Hi~ I was married very young (18) and divorced within 10 years and been single every since. Had some relationships (not great for sure) and am going to be 60 years old this year. There is nothing I want more than to be in a committed loving relationship but yet I really have lost faith and realize I am part of the equation or why and want to change it. It is a lonely life single. I have not dated in over 1.5 years and wonder if it is possible although I have a strong faith I still have doubts. It is good to learn that there is a woman who is willing to help those who struggle to find love and offer it without breaking the bank so to speak. Thank you for being the instrument to get us to where we really WANT to be.
Great video and just another good reinforcement of what I have read, heard, etc over and over again, but was failing to take in until a short while ago. I recently went out with a guy, who I think had potential, but my old habits creeped in and fear took over. Anyway, I became far too needy and available and he politely said goodbye, after coming on hot and heavy. I realized after that, that I would never meet anyone I wanted to be with, if I didn’t put my own life and interests (not a big revelation, but one I didn’t seem to be learning). I’m currently taking a brief dating detox and will hopefully be ready to start again soon, somewhat wiser and more able to navigate the wacky world of online dating.
My biggest ah-ha moment was in the beliefs i held of myself and how this was feeding my vicious cycle. From young i’ve been told i’m a difficult person to love/handle. So when a guy shows interest, while I’m flattered, I don’t really know if he’s being sincere and i soon push for “proof” that he really does like me by wanting him to commit more and more, with the end point being the ultimate commitment of marriage. I realise i don’t really know what it feels like to receive genuine interest and when i do, i quickly brush it off as ‘this can’t be real’ or ‘it’s too good to be true’ – which then turns out to be true, reinforcing the belief.
Action: I need to stop believing i’m difficult to love and that i’m a person that needs to be “handled”. But i don’t really know how.
Good video……I will be listening to all of them .. Thanks !
This is a great video I really enjoyed the leakage part of it us woman sometimes do things unconsciously. Thanks for the information:-)
Thank you for all these awesome videos.
I have a question. Who must pay for first date dinner? A girl should show her generosity and showing in fact she is independent and she is giver and she does not take a ride? If she expects for paying her dinner it means she is not healthy?
Please tell me what is true. I have really issue for this part.
After hearing of your first series video I felt so much better as I’m a kind of women that is very low self esteem, negative, lack confident and thinks that guys will never fall in love with me. Currently I fall for this guy which is a total stranger to me which I first time know him, he was a hair stylist but I just don’t know how to approach him and date him…please advice me!!! What should I do??
Hi Marni, just to say thanks for this your wonderful teachings, i wish i had known this earlier but it is never too late to learn, let me end here, we will talk again, stay blessed.
Hi Marni! I really appreciate what you are doing! 🙂 The two biggest things that hit me like a brick were 1) How to be in your feminine and be able to receive 2) Not to accept crumbs!
Loved it! I really need to work on me being the ‘lady’ and being able to let the guy do things for me and me being comfortable with that. Another thing was that I really have to stop accepting crumbs…And I would hold on to them and think that ‘no,you knw, he did say that , or this, he did do this and that’
I think I would build these dreams whenever I like a guy and get all excited! And then it hits rock bottom. That would be my romantic rut! I am going to work on this not get into it again! 🙂
Thanks a lot!
Hugs all the way from India! 🙂
I had never heard the anabolic and catabolic explanations before. Very good. Love the clock example too. When does Video #2 arrive?
Thanks for your spot on advice. Dawn
This video gave me some clarity on the “leaking”. I know that everything starts with energy and I control the kind of energy that emanates from me. I have done a lot of work on me and love myself. It is important that I remember and be aware of any self-judgment that comes up and turn it around. I am pretty awesome! Thanks.
My ah ha moment was the crumbs and getting the cake. It always seemed I was getting crumbs when I thought these men were into me but not giving me there all. So it was a cycle with about three men who always gave me some of them and not all. I was always assuming it was my fault because I took it and assumed how they saw me had to correct to be correct because it happen more than once. I dated one guy after he chased me since high school I assumed he was serious because we were adults by the time I choose to date him assuming he was serious but he didn’t want a real relationship. So I accepted the crumbs because we were friends for so long and who’d ruin that. But he did. So now I finally want to date and I have to break out of the RUT thanks
To make a long story short, I had not dated anyone in 10 years. Previously was living with a guy for about 12 years (I know, it’s nuts). Anyway, he passed away, and I pursued education (very beneficial). Recently I went on line and met a fairly “nice” guy and after some time we met, had dinner and a movie. I did not hear from him for several weeks, and texted him. He right away told me we were not a “match”. I replied “wow, you know that in just one date with me?” Anyway, later on I met someone who asked me out and has never called (that was three weeks ago). I also have a friend in another state who really would be a nice catch, but he has been divorced only three years. I am patiently waiting. So what am I going to do? Stop obsessing, and move on for the time being, even if it is just to work on myself some more. Love this video!
AH-HA Momento: Was when you stated,’if I continue this pattern “WHAT WILL IT COST ME”…same END result.’
THANK YOU for your TIME & HELP! You are a DOLL, just TOO KIND & SWEET! Hug-hug
Doing my homework. I want to change.
Thank you Marni.
Leaking was quite illuminating and something that an empath such as myself needs to work on. I also snapped to the sexy alpha female and realized my ex-husband stomped on that part of me, my self-confidence to such an extent that my devastation still shows through rather than the strong woman that I actually am. I didn’t realize he’d taken that part of me with him until I watched your video and left in its place a victim mentality. Thanks for this
enlightenment. I look forward to more. 🙂
For me to stop accepting the crumbs! To notice the good men and stop choosing poorly. I am attracted to exciting men (not a bad thing) but for me I end up in the same rut of rejection, one night stands ect. Can’t wait for the next sessions!
Kit: I hope it does too. Please let me know if you have any questions!
Helene: It sounds like you have some work to do in the self-love department. Here’s a blog to get you started: http://datingwithdignity.com/2013/01/meet-your-man-2013-challenge-day-1-get-some-serious-mojo-going-in-the-self-love-department/ Best of luck, and keep me posted!
Cathi: LOVE to hear that. Keep me posted on your progress!
Louise: Well thanks for watching the Home Show and checking me out! I am so sorry for your loss, and I am so inspired by spirit. Please keep me posted on your progress, and let me know if you have any questions!
Heavenly: Of course! Here’s a link to some information about increasing your femininity: http://datingwithdignity.com/2011/08/dating-den-the-real-secret-to-attracting-an-alpha-male/ and here’s one about increasing your self worth: http://datingwithdignity.com/2013/01/meet-your-man-2013-challenge-day-1-get-some-serious-mojo-going-in-the-self-love-department/
Peels: Thank you for your comment. 🙂 I’m so glad you’re open to trying the exercises. Please let me know how it goes!
Michelle: Thank you for your comment. 🙂 Please keep watching and commenting!
Thank you so much!! My ah-ha moment was the Catabolic Energy (leakage).
I’m at the end of a divorce and started dating because I felt lonely but actually I think I need more time to breath, to find myself and to re create myself in the image I have of the person I want to become.
I am so excited to be a sexy alpha woman. I think I was born with limiting beliefs. Or at least that my Dad was not ideal for my Mom, so I have high expectations but ultimately I compromise and date a guy who is less then what I desire in a man but just because it is nice and exciting to have company I stay in the relationship. Eventually, I start to change my vision and get out of the relationship. The cycle occurs again. A man comes into my life, he’s not the cake to me but I enjoy the company so I hang out with him, then time goes by so I begin to fear commitment with this guy whom I felt was not my match from the beginning but it has been nice to have his friendship. Then the fear of letting him go to meet someone else, and that fear that the next may just be another of the same kind of man I am attracting over and over again. I am now 36 and had this belief back in Kindergarden. I leaked this energy that I was better than some guys, but at the same time not good enough for the good guys. Thank you so much for this aha moment. I am 36 now and really want to break out of this pattern. I want to be a sexy alpa and attract a sexy alpha family man. Thank you for your really cool reality openers.
Cheryl: I feel your pain, I really do. And when a guy says “I’m not ready” you have to listen to him. Don’t text him and don’t pine after him, because that’s only going to push him farther away. The best thing you can do is give him space. He’ll either come back or he won’t, but at least you’ll still have your dignity.
Marilu: You’re welcome! I’m so glad you had the “aha” moment you were looking for. Keep watching, reading, and commenting!
Judy: I am SO happy to hear from you, and thank you for sharing your story. For your very first step, I recommend taking the D-Factor Process. It’ll give us a chance to go over your dating history, figure out why your love life isn’t where you want it to be, and exactly what you’ll need to do to transform it. Let me know if you have any questions! http://www.whatsmydfactor.com/
Very helpful and valuable material. Thank you!
Working on believing I am worthy and valuable enough to be treated well by a man but seems that I’m invisible to good men but magnetic to shallow ones. Help!
Side note… I especially liked it when you were speaking directly into the camera, made the material more alive for me.
I really enjoyed your video. I’m single right now and because of the high-stress environment I work in, I exemplified your “Ugh” model of women. I used to think that one of my “Dating Savvy” tools was that I had a great sense of humor, albeit self-deprecating. I also have a problem being in social contexts where “I’m not required”, as in I feel as though I’m not contributing anything of value to the existing discussion. (Examples: I’m not well-versed enough in popular culture to be able to comment on it). I have been in one thoroughly unpleasant relationship only, and sometimes it is difficult for me to be optimistic.
I will try your exercises because I think I owe it to myself to discover why I have this self-destructive tendency to compare myself to other people. I know there are times when I’m trying too hard, as in I can get annoyingly loud in large groups, but I hope to someday convert all of these thoughts to something anabolic. Thank you so much for your incredible effort and time!
I liked what you taught in the video. I loved your idea of sending positive energy to the universe and the ideas about self worth. But could you suggest how to increase that self worth and that alpha feminine factor..? Would love to know that..please help…
I’ve watched this one twice now and I just want to say,”thanks!”
I like what you have got to say, it’s all pretty interesting. Especially, I liked the whole “catabolic” vs “anabolic” thing. I need to become more self-confident. So thanks, in advance, for your upcoming video, too!
Really enlightening. Image of leaking is vivid. Love the Stop, Breathe, Ask. I’ll be doing that from now on.
Maybe this will get me out of my romantic rut so I can be who I really am. The real me.
Christine: Woo-hoo! So happy to hear that. You’re welcome!!
Elenka: You’re welcome!
Vickie: I’m so glad you uncovered your romantic rut! I’m so happy for you! That’s the first step toward breaking it for good. 🙂
Thanks for helping me take a look at my “rut” pattern. It’s funny how my “insecurity” screams loud and clear to the guy who “fears commitment”. Didn’t really see the connection before ~ and thought the commitment-phobe created my insecurity. Not sure who would be attracted to insecurity? I wouldn’t be! Shaking my head!
Thank you for the wonderful advice. I could totally relate to what you were saying.
Well i haven’t dated for 3 and half years, i always told myself that i was too busy for dating and there was no guy that i was interested in. And this year i met someone i really like and i can tell that he is interested. But i have been so nervous and self doubting myself. i started telling myself that i wasn’t that pretty, i became conscious of my accent because in English is not my first language and having so many negative thoughts coming through my head and kept telling myself there is no way he can be interested in me, there are better girls out there. I have been feeling so insecure, he hasn’t asked me out and now i think it’s because i have been sending the wrong vibe.
I am trying to work on my insecurities but i am finding difficult every time i overcome one insecurity, another one comes up
This was great information! Even though it seems like I am quite late in getting this informatin (a year or so late) it’s still relevant and needed. I am beginning with the judgement journal, my siblings who were 17-20 years older than me growing up put so many negative statements, thoughts and beliefs in my head about me dating and future relationships I am living them out… but it’s time for change and that is the choice that I am making today when I am almost embarking 50 years… It is great to hear from someone so young with so much wisdom. I look forward to hearing more and more from you as I get caught up with this series.
You are an AMAZING WOMAN!!!!
My “Aha! Moment” came when I finally admitted to myself that I let both anxiety and obsession take control over me. The Judgement Journal helped me to see that. The Stop Obsessing Tool Kit has helped me in readjusting my overall outlook. Thank you for all of your help!
The concept of leaking the energy was profound! I’m going on a belief, thought, feeling excavating expedition starting today, and look forward to attending IYL this weekend. Thanks for making it more affordable.
I look forward to meeting you! I’m a lady with a dude’s name 😉
Saw you this morning on the Home Show on Hallmark and thought I would check your site out. I was married for 49 yrs, widowed for 13 and met and fell in love with the love of my life, only to lose him recently to death after 3 1/2 yrs of bliss. We were deeply in love. Although I’m 81 and just recently lost the love of my life, I intend to find another to enjoy the rest of my life with. I know that I need to work on my self worth – having learned that recently and having it confirmed by you. Thank you for a most insightful Lesson 1 so far. God Bless
This is really a very well put together thought process. I have just recognized and identified that the current choices I have made in the last few dating experiences I’ve had, are moving me out of an old pattern. I’m very excited to have validation from your coaching that really defines that I’m changing, and aware. I’m beginning to believe that I will be successful with my search for happiness.
I’m planning on following through with the next two sessions and stay authentic to myself.
AHA…It’s always Ugh! and settling for the one who pays attention to me.
need to do some soul searching and determine what is it I really do want in a relationship. I have been saying I want one, but am ok without one, so of course the universe is listening to me, and allowing me to be without! changing the inner conversation to I am sexy, powerful, vulnerable and open and ready for the romance of the century. Thanks Marni..
Love this video Marni! I’ve seen a lot of your videos already but this really begins at the root which is ourselves. I’ve had a string of first/second dates this past year – none of which has resolved to anything. I’m hoping that things will start changing once I employ this method. I can definitely be my biggest critic and start panicking, especially when I see my friends around me all pairing up. I’m hoping I can foster more confidence and belief in myself that I will end up with something wonderful and that I’m excited about!!
My unfeminine image started 55 years ago and I have nibbled away at it for years. Biggest obstacle… Shame. Mentally I’ll mom who never touched me or taught me how to be a “girl” and receive. I was taught to do for my dad.. Brother.. That is what she did as the CEO of the house even though she was suffering. I have a trail of men I “cared for in some way”. And I never really dated Marni. We met moved in and two broken people lived together for a time. Last relationship I did not cohabitate and that was huge. So here I sit at 66 dating… Got my masters and had a good job and feel competent and wise in so many regards but not with men. I was a professional facilitator of self development training programs in for pirate America. After 40 years in another state I am back living in my childhood home caregiver for 94 year old dad. Cared for mom who died 2009… I cared for her. Iv want to let go of giver and be a receiver!!!! I ballroom dance and go to gym and movies and joining meet ups…. Buy just got dumped by a guy who was not who I want but I was alone for 8 years caregiving and I feel for his charm and he loved my giving till he did a Houdini!! HELP. I will do all your work .. Ready!!!
Marni, Thank you for doing this. In just this one video I learned so much. I am that woman who gets a guy then doubts everything about myself. I get clingy then wonder why the guys leave and don’t talk to me anymore. I second guess everything I do and say. If I don’t hear from them I text them or keep asking if everything is ok. My most famous line is, I’m sorry. For everything I do and say, I’m sorry. This video has opened my eyes a lot. I can’t wait for the next one. Thanks so much.
My aha moment is the topic of catabolic thoughts. I realize that I do not put out the right thoughts. I come across as too needy and scare men away. At first I would jump right in , then I went totally overboard the other way and wouldn’t let them get too close to me. Both have left me feeling empty. I am so looking forward to getting this help from you.
Marni, I am doing everything wrong! I am glad to know now though. I quickly start to believe they might like me, then I begin to obsess to once again end up with heartbreak. I’ve hid my feelings, I’ve expressed them, I’ve been the shy one and I’ve been the outgoing one but I have not been me. I realize I been changing myself to what I think a guy is into rather than be myself for the simple fact that I believe that my inner me is always in the “friend zone”. This is my fear. But I’m ready to be me, I’m ready to start actually genuinely dating. Thank you!
Nice. Been dating wonderful man for 8 months and want to continue to have fun and not give up my power. Thank you for reminding me of that power. 🙂
Oh Marni, what an inspiration you are!!! MY pattern as I went through the clock was universal for ME!!! It is the same ‘rut’ I have with my art!!! THE VERY SAME THING!!! What a blessing for me to come back to listen to your videos after taking more than a month break. It is the AH HA moment I so needed. Not only am I doing this with dating but with my art. All the excuses, the blaming, the blah blah blah. I was a producing professional artist until my husband passed away five years ago and stuck to the same ‘can’t do this because’ and ‘it doesn’t feel right’ and ‘can’t get my stroke back’ etc. THE BLAH BLAH BLAH’s. OMG, thank you for kick starting my brain and my self esteem. Soooooo needed this. Bless you and may you have a truly wonderful holiday season, warm warm wishes, Pam
I listened to the call last night and to this video this morning. It helps me so much. I especially needed the guidance to determine *if he was the one *. It felt like he was, but actually hearing the specific ‘ investment’ terminology, made it clear that it was not equal.
I will be following your suggestions and advice. I’m 51 and wasted too much time on men that were not a good investment in time. No marriages or kids,no debt;I thought I was a good catch. But I need direction!
Started dating an old friend who was recently going through a divorce. We had such great chemistry before he got married & dated a few times, but I think we both just didn’t pursue it for whatever reason & he got married to this other girl. He was not only one of my good guy friends, he was truly an amazing guy. Fast forward and he is divorcing. We started seeing each other again & things are so awesome. Then comes the “I’m just not ready for any type of relationship. It’s just too much. I have too many things going all at once. I,m certainly not mad at you, I’m just not ready” – and it was going so great!!! So now I find myself wanting him back & not wanting anyone else. Of course there’s this huge uncomfortability between us right now & I find myself texting him only to be disappointed when I don’t get a reply. And I obsess over it & start second guessing myself wondering if it was something I did to push him away when the reality is he’s going through a divorce so I should have known he wasn’t ready for a relationship. So now what do I do? He’s a wonderful guy – it’s just bad timing. And I wish it would change. How do I change it??? I loved the video & can’t wait for the others.
My Ah ha moment came when you starting talking about the “Super Me”. When dating I find myself leaking self doubt and when watching your video I realized it is because I need to know who that “super me” is and what it is I am looking for. Thanks! I am looking forward to the next video.
My biggest problem is getting to the point where I am happy with myself and being by myself. I use relationships to define me and make the man the focus of my existence. I am only now realizing that you have to be your own person, you have to have your own passions and hobbies and the man is an addition… You make room for him and do no compromise your own life, plans, and friends in the process.
While this merge is fun and exciting in the beginning, as soon as men drain you of all you have to give, they will be turned off by what ends up being a shadow, a clingy, naggy version of the independent, fun, busy woman they first met.
My priority has to be myself. Man comes second – ALWAYS! This is not to say that I have to play games and pretend I’m unavailable when I have nothing to do. Truly, truly have fun with your own life. If there is a man who finds a way to fit in that puzzle of a woman that you are, that’s the man you need.
So, I am now on a quest of finding who I really am, without a man defining me.
I have found your videos quite enlightening and helped me reach the conclusion above. Thanks!
Im really happy i watched this and look really forward to the rest.
I’ve been made!!! hahah, now i can very specifically identify my behaviors and make other choices.
AS a holistic practitioner I am all about the evolutionary curve, funny how I’ve allowed the backround noise of judgement on men to ruin my opportunities for real love…not really so funny
At first i thought your beautiful perky ra ra style would hold no value…i was so wrong…i think your awesome and so is the work!!
This video has had a huge impact on me;it really hit home,though I knew deep down that I have to do something.I’m not dating;I’m getting a divorce and I was married to him for 35 years.I have been keeping company with a divorced man now for well over a year and it is going nowhere.Time for me to get out of this rut.I want the cake, not the crumbs!After awhile, it gets boring.Time for some excitement.I have to set boundaries,cannot accept the situation the way it is now.On my way to becoming this sexy, confident, alpha type feminine lady.This video today raised my vibration to a higher level.Thank you for putting me on the right path.The next video will be very interesting.
I HAVE KNOWN FOR A VERY LONG TIME I NEED TO GET OUT OF MY CURRENT RELATIONSHIP..NOT ONLY DO I KNOW THIS BUT HE HAS RECENTLY GIVEN ME CLEAR CONCISE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS I HAVE HAD..YES WE WERE ENGAGED FOR 5 YEARS, AND I FOUND HIM ON A DATING SITE THROUGH HIS FACEBOOK PAGE, HE ADMITTED HE HAS ALWAYS HAD THIS BEHAVIOR AND WAS LOOKING TO REPLACE ME FOR SOME TIME, HE WOULD BE MORE ATTRACTED TO ME IF I LOOKED LIKE THE WOMEN IN PORN, HE WAS HAVING CYBER SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN WHENEVER HE WAS MAD AT ME, I KNOW HE SOUNDS HORRIBLE…AND I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG FOR YEARS..I JUST WANTED TO BELIEVE HIM…I AM THE DEPRESSED WOMAN…MY SON CALLS HIM DAD SINCE HIS DAD PASSED AWAY WHEN HE WAS ALMOST 3, AND I WAS TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT SO HE WOULDN’T HAVE TO LOSE A SECOND FATHER, I KNOW THAT IS A WRONG REASON,…SO AS OF NOW..I AM GOING TO WOORK WORK WORK ON MYSELF TO REGAIN MYSELF AND I DO WANT TO JUMP OUT..I KNOW I NEED TO. THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOOR DOING WHAT YOU DO MARNIE <3 🙂
My biggest ah ha! Moment was understanding why what I’m doing is not working, when it used to work just fine; I used to be authentically myself, so no matter what I was doing, sex the first time I met a guy for example, it didn’t matter because I was open and didn’t feel like I needed a guy and was happy and genuine with them. Now I really want a relationship, and am panicking about getting too old to have children, and watching this and other things on your site I’m realising that my attitude is different and men can see that. I love this! It’s like I’ve been trying to be emotionally mature but haven’t known how to be, and now I have something to practice. Thank you.
Erica — Wow, that is huge! I love your awareness about holding on too tightly. I bet many other women can relate. Thanks so much for sharing and keep reading!
I think my dating ah moment is that I am holding on too tight. I feel like I don’t want them to leave and they always do. I am also leaking and I need to stop that.But I do feel stronger I just made up in my mind before I saw this that a man I am in love who gives me crumbs is not me loving myself to allow it. I don’t want to loose him but I am no longer willing to compromise me either. What you said really cemented what I was feeling. I am going to reach my happy place.
Loretta: Loving that aha moment!
Karen: SO happy to hear that! Keep me posted on your progress! 🙂
I’ve got dating confidence and am not looking to remarry, so my dates are not feeling targeted. I am currently dating for “fun” alone, but, eventually I would like a “relationship” with someone and like the “blueprint” idea you outlined. I am thinking I currently come off as “cold” and this attitude may be self defeating in my quest for a on-going relationship.I need to do some soul searching and identify my true goals so that I can reach them.
Marni: I really enjoyed listening to your videos and learning what I’ve been doing that has kept me with the same type of men. I will begin my journaling and see what comes up for me. Thanks again.
Kyndra: What I recommend is to keep watching these coaching videos, and focus on really building up your self confidence while you’re dating this man. It also sounds like you may have some challenges around trusting men, so that’s something I recommend you address if you’d like this relationship to last. Best of luck, and let me know if you have any questions!
Billie: You’re welcome! I’m so happy to hear these videos are helping you. Keep watching and commenting!
Jen: Thanks for your question! You have to develop your self-confidence so that you step out of “pick me! pick me!” mode when you’re on a date with a guy you really like. I have a dating den on this exact topic. Here ya go: http://datingwithdignity.com/2013/06/why-you-act-crazy-when-you-really-like-a-guy-and-how-to-stop/ Enjoy!!
Ashley: I’m glad to hear this video helped you identify some of the thoughts that are keeping you single. Keep watching!
Moni: I’m so glad you’re enjoying Dating With Dignity. Keep watching and commenting. 🙂
Marni I am having trouble in my relationships!!! I was married for 8 years to a man I thought was going to be my soulmate whom I met at work when I was able to work. Now am on disability due to enormous health issues. After two years of our marriage he changed into a different man I never knew. Cussing up a storm. Using the Lords name in vein GDSOB!!! And saying shoot me kill me!!! He started being abusive towards me. Hitting me and I have tumors in my brain, thorax, neck, spine, and lower lumbar. I could of been seriously hurt. People say all I am is a flirt but I don’t think so. I want a real honest, trustworthy, respectful, romantic, and humorous man that enjoys being with me for who I am. I am in a new relationship right now and also going thru a divorce but am seriously loving this new man in my life. We enjoy so much together and like a lot of the same things. We are both Christians as well. How do I keep the fire going and let him know I really want this relationship to work out? How do I keep him interested in me and like me for who I am dispute my health issues? I really am an honest, caring, kindhearted, loyal,trustworthy, compassionate person with respect. So many men have cheated on me, lied to me, and was never honest with themselves about loving me. They were only hurting the person (me) in the process!!! I really what a lasting relationship. What should I do?
Loved the video… WOW, have I done so many things wrong! I was the good girl, never left my parents home, until I married, the 1st time. So, even though I felt mature, there were probably issues, I wasn’t aware of! This marriage failed; he became physically abusive! 3 years later I meet and marry a 2nd time, this guy is older, and convinced me to move away from my family; isolating me, then he begins a campaign of verbal and threatened physical abuse. I had a lucrative job, and thought I knew enough about life and love, but I didn’t date these people long enough to make a correct judgment, because neither of them deserved me. Oh, yeah there were three children involved, as well! After leaving the 2nd marriage, while legally separated, I found a man who called me, expressed interest, showed up when he said he would, doted on me, and made me feel loved; I fell for him thinking that at this older, more mature stage of life that I knew what love was and he became my soulmate. Well, he expressed love too, and even though he knew I was still married, when I expressed fear of losing him, he stated, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere; but he did! He married another woman six months after my divorce became final! I was heart broken and instead of making a concerted effort to move on, I was still in love with him. But, I didn’t call or bother him; I respected his marriage. I believe there is a commonality that these three men share, and I have identified my leaking, catabolic, negative thoughts that may have created problems for me in having a successful connection. Knowledge is power.. thanks so much for these tools. I also believe that I had the wrongful assumption that these men and all men, somehow know more about love than we do. Trust and respect have been lacking and that’s what I have to have to make a relationship work. But, I have at times been self-righteous and acting like a perfectionist, and love is not that way, or at least it shouldn’t be, with the right guy! I plan to take more time to learn myself; the uniqueness and power that I have and to repair the leaks,so I won’tdrown!
I already feel I’ve jumped up a percent just from video #1…thank you! But, my biggest ah ha moment was realizing I only become “Super Jen” on a date AFTER I realize I don’t really like the guy I’m out with…basically the attraction isn’t there, so the nerves stop, I think clearer, and I’m just…me! Those are the guys who always call back or keep asking me out…but I don’t want them! I want the good ones, the ones I actually DID like, or found attractive, but they don’t call or text after the dates. And I’m realizing it’s because of my own vicious circle of thoughts and my actions during and after these dates!
So, how do I kill the nerves that start the circle of thoughts, and keep me from being “super Jen” on these dates…how, how, how…is the question?
Looking forward to being able to KEEP the guy I actually pick…and the rest of your videos! 🙂
My aha moment was definitely hearing about the catabolic thoughts we put into the universe. I definitely realized I had about 3 of them today in regards to one guy… Going to definitely pay attention to what I’m putting out there 🙂
Nina: LOVE hearing this kind of success story. Once you say goodbye to the men who are wrong for you, you create the space for the right guy to come in.
Thanks so much for this valuable information. I came to this website because I told myself I’m tired of dating the same guy with a different face. I’ve been exploring this topic for a couple of weeks now…why do I keep attracting the same kind of guy. Now I realize because it is something I’m putting out in the universe (fear, aloneness) and not knowing my self-worth. I plan to work on those internal comments that are not uplifting to me. Can’t wait to see the next video! Thanks for your work…it is a blessing.
Christina: I’m so glad you’re enjoying the videos and exercises. Keep reading, watching, and commenting!
Pari: Nice! I love that mindset shift! Keep up the good work, and keep commenting. 🙂
Rosa: Glad you’re liking the videos! Keep watching and commenting! 🙂
I really enjoy your videos and advice. I have been divorced for 6 years but got into a 5 year relationship shortly after my divorce. Now I’m in a new 2 month old relationship and starting to have doubts although I do like many things about this guy. Your video showed me that it’s OK for me to walk away if that’s what I think is best, despite the many generous and kind things he has done for me.
Marni, thank you, thank you, thank you! What an eye opening video! I am currently in a relationship that I enjoy, but as it progresses the “recording” goes on in my head that goes – “what if he gets tired of you?, what if he cheats on you? He really doesn’t find you attractive – you’re a couple of pounds overweight!” Then the self-depreciating recordings – you’re not pretty enough, sexy enough, etc… I know (and you confirmed in the video) that he is sensing/feeling these same “feelings” that are “leaking” from me & probably wondering where is the woman he first met! Its definitely a “crazy cycle” that I want to stop!!! I feel strongly that taking these steps that you outline so clearly will help me to break thru and really ENJOY this relationship with this man & not push him away. Hope is definitely on the horizon!
Awesome insight about the desire for validation driving the obsessive thoughts and behaviors. Will focus on self-validation!
Biggest take away – breaking down the getting out of the vicious cycle/patterns I have been playing again and again. Also, really liked the judgment journal homework and getting it all out. Good to purge this once and for all. My action item is to have a physical “break” for when the thoughts begin. Just trying to stop or manage them on my own has not proved successful. And, I need a positive physical action to create a strong and positive force within.
Thanks Marni. One if my aha moments was, I always kept telling to my girlfriend who had problem with finding guys that I don’t have problem finding, attracting and getting any guy that I like, I have problem keeping them and always 4-5 months down the road they lost interest and so do I. I am changing this blue print with ” I am perfect to keeping the guy that I want”.
Thank you for your video. Very true that we attract who we are, so we need to change ourselves before we can be with someone who is positive. I think I will try the diary technique and write down the negative-anxious thoughts that come into my mind and try to change them toward positive. I do have self-respect and don’t sleep around which has saved me from alot of heart ache but my negative self image attracts guys who are needy and not happy…agh 🙂 I am looking forward to hearing the rest of the messages.
Megan: I’m glad the videos are helping you. Keep watching and commenting!
I have read quite a few books on anxiety, self-esteem, and cognitive behavioral therapy. I actually joke to my friends that I have dating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In this first video you spoke and gave instructions on exercises common to CBT techniques. I believe the examples (thoughts/feelings/behaviors) you gave for each step in the process helps to identify the central issues for each individual. I also believe as a collective it helps to know that we are not alone in how we think and act in dating and relationships. In addition, the crumbs vs cake analogy was spot on.
JL: Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know a lot of other women think and feel the same way. Keep reading and learning, but also think about signing up for The D-Factor Process. I think it will really help you overcome that part of you that says you’re not worthy. BIG hugs.
Denise: Thank you so much for sharing your story. I commend you for working to change your limiting beliefs and lacking self-worth. Please let me know how I can help you on your journey! Big hugs.
Michaela: Thank you for sharing your story. Keep reading, learning, and commenting, and let me know if you have any questions! Big hugs.
Lisa: Thanks for your comment! Keep watching and learning, and let me know if I can help you with anything! Big hugs.
Cathy: Thank you SO much for sharing your story. Leaking negativity and low self-worth will certainly sabotage even the best relationship. My advice is to stop thinking about the one man you lost, and focus your energy on busting through your limiting beliefs and putting an end to your leaking, so you can find Mr. Right. Best of luck and big hugs!
Rita: Seven months is too long to wait for a commitment, in my opinion. I say about three months is a fair time to wait to be exclusive. If at that point he’s still not ready for a relationship, I’d say start seeing other people because it’s not a match. If you want to pull out of your rut, really focus on building your confidence and taking care of YOU for a while. Big hugs.
Jess: Thanks so much for your comment. Good luck creating your Super Me Ideal Image, and let me know if you have any questions! Big hugs.
Brigitte: Thank you so much for your comment. I’m SO happy this video is helping you. Keep watching! Big hugs.
Mila: Thanks for your comment! It is never too late – I promise you. Keep watching the videos, and feel free to comment whenever you have a question! Big hugs.
Wendy: It’s so easy to obsess when you don’t hear from him, isn’t it?! Your instincts are right: do your homework, concentrate on other potential dates, and focus on YOU. Big hugs.
Hi Marni – excellent advice you have given here. I realise now that I have been in the same romantic rut since I was a teenager – i.e. idolising guys and believing them to be demi-gods! I am really going to work on making those choices and visualising the super me and stop obsessing!! I have been on the dating scene again after a 15 year relationship and I seem to have regressed to the old familiar patterns. Inevitably those ‘amazing’ guys I meet online end up playing me like the sad fool I am. Thank you for spelling out so clearly that I do have choices – I was only really looking for the crumbs before. Bless you Marni for opening my eyes!
Marni – such good stuff! I wish this was taught in high school. Would have saved me decades of looping in the cycle. I’ve accepted crumbs, half a cake, and cake frosted beautifully but made of styrofoam. Lots of aha moments but my biggest is the idea of the arrows in the cycle being choice points. And I can make different choices, knowing that I can make better choices. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Thank you!
love this video! The negative/ catabolic beliefs of level 1 & 2 totally spoke to me! I’m so excited to be recognizing my limiting beliefs and putting an end to them once and for all! Thank you for sharing this!!
Kayleen – We talk more about developing your communication in the second and third video. Did you watch those yet? BIG hugs, Marni
Caroline – thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so happy to hear you’re finding help on this site. Please continue reading the articles and watching the videos, and feel free to reach out with any questions you have! BIG hugs.
Manimal!!! Thank you for your teachings. As I got older I felt it’s over for me but I feel lonely at the same time! I am waiting for the next video to hear from you.
Thanks so much for all the enlightening information. I can think of one man in my life that I truly regret losing. Although, sometimes I wonder if I regret losing the life and not the man??? I believe he is a good man but we all have our faults. So I will never really know for sure since he married someone else. I take most of the blame………and here is the reason why. It seems whether they are good or bad, I sabotage the relationship with my “leaking” negativity or lack of self respect and self worth as well as not trusting that anyone truly loves me. I MUST get these limiting beliefs out of me so I can connect with the right guy. Hopefully, your series will help me do just that.
Marni… thank you for this. I’m currently in a situation where I’m trying to stop being the crumb picker upper! I was totally picking up the crumbs! ugh! (indeed!). I was dating this guy for 7 months, hoping he would want a relationship with me. It was obvious that he didn’t as his actions didn’t align with his words. But yet, it’s still so hard to get over him, even though I know I was just getting crumbs! I never thought I had low confidence, and actually think I do have quite high confidence in myself (guys I’ve dated in the past have even told me this) … yet here I am! I’m hoping to get out of this stupid rut soon. I know I can do better and I deserve better…
Aha moment was that I’m in my rut right now obsessing over lack of contact. Great time to watch your video. What I’m going to do is concentrate on the other potential dates I have ( as well as do my homework)
Marni, I signed onto your site after reading a blog post from eHarmony’s site (the one about Hoda Kotb, which impressed me very much). I am taking a break from eH in part because my heart is broken and I’m having trouble imagining feeling enthusiastic about anyone else right now. I guess that puts me at a level 1, doesn’t it? I am reeling after dating a man I met on eH for a short time (a couple of months), during which time he pursued me HEAVILY. I truly believe he actually liked me a lot at the beginning. Suddenly, though, he started to pull away. I panicked and did ALL the wrong things (kept asking what was wrong, started pursuing him for the first time in our relationship, tried to get closer to him, etc.). Suddenly, after feeling secure and confident and happy with myself, I felt insecure and my self-confidence vanished. Poof. As much as I tried to hide it, I KNOW I was toooooootally leaking. So I related to that part of your video extremely well! (He ultimately “let me down easy” by doing the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” thing. He actually broke up with me in a nicer way than I have ever experienced with anyone. Ever. Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble letting go???? I’m so used to bad bad bad treatment…) But the thing about your video that stuck with me the most is the part about the crumbs vs the cake. I am realizing that I have always accepted crumbs because I have always felt POSITIVE that the person I was dating was my last and only chance to be in a relationship. Of course, the underlying belief was that I have to just accept the bad behavior I experienced (or in this last relationship try to win back someone who was unavailable) simply because nobody else will/would/could ever like me. Certainly I had no right to expect that anyone would treat me well ALL the time, so it was OK if I was with people who treated me well SOME of the time, right? Crumbs. I know that I want and deserve the whole cake. I know intellectually that I am a great catch – but there’s something inside me that keeps telling me that I’m just not worthy. That’s the hardest part for me to overcome. Thanks for your video, and thanks in advance for what I’m sure will be two more excellent and helpful videos!
Thank you for this great information. What really struck a cord with me is creating the Super Me Ideal image. Like anything else, if I don’t have clear what I want the ideal me to be how can I project that to the men. I need to feel comfortable saying yes and no and knowing that the right guy will actually like it instead of being turned off by it.
I’m truly impressed and excited about what I have read and heard so far. I am an adolescent counselor and talk to my clients about self esteem and not buying into the messages others label you with but I’m not very good at applying it to myself…
My journey thus far has taken me from my divorce 8 years ago and my last date, 6 years ago to my dateless self today. I realized six years ago I was dating my ex over and over and it was a very dangerous and unhealthy cycle, so I stopped. I spent the last six years finishing my counseling degree, raising my four daughters, getting two into college and buying a home for us…. But I have been missing something…. Something important and I didn’t know how to get it. I have read so much about becoming more feminine (since I’ve been the Alpha for all these years) and realized that I really haven’t thought about me very much in all this time.
What I have taken from this first video is understanding how to change my thought processes by answering the questions: What are my limiting beliefs? Where did I learn them? What does it cost me to hold onto the past/what is at stake? What would it look like if I let go? It’s brilliant and simple and I plan to spend a lot of time soul searching for the answers.
I haven’t felt worthy enough, beautiful enough, skinny enough, or womanly enough. I hope to change that, I want to change that. Thank you for your website and Youtube videos. I look forward to learning.
Dianna – LOVE that aha moment! You are worth so much more. Once you say goodbye to the men who can’t give you what you deserve, you make space for someone better to come into your life. 🙂
Lisa – So you’re saying that compatibility is more important to you than the ability to provide financially. It sounds like you’re really clear on your values, which is great. Bravo!
Polina – That goes to show that no matter where we go, our romantic ruts and patterns follow us! I’m glad to hear you’re going to be putting the tips you’ve used to good work. Good luck with your new man. Keep me posted!
Aya – It sounds like he’s playing a dating game. The best way to respond to this behavior is to be friendly and direct. Say hello to him if you see him, and ask how his week is going. If he insists on ignoring you even when you’re being nice, my advice would be to move onto the next!
Krazy – Love those aha moments. Enjoy video #2 – I have a feeling you’re going to love it even more!
Thank you, Marni. I tend to do all the work thinking, oh no poor him, I shouldn’t trouble him and he ends up losing interest. Right from chasing, follow up all of them I do. I was taught whatever you want in life you have to go get it. Only recently I realised not for love! IT is a new arena for me, a new way of thinking. Waiting for Video#2.
i just want to to if a guy told you that he likes you then he ignoring you, what should i do, i really really likes him a lot but he insist ignoring me although he told me he likes me and likes my character. but i just can’t believe how a guy can like you and ignore you and even didn’t ask… Just please tell me what to do, please what i should do ??
he annoying me with his method cuz he ignoring me and didn’t ask at all, but i believed him when he said that he liked me. Just What should i do to call his attention.
P.S we’re not allowed to dating
Darcy – Thank you so much for sharing what you’re going through right now. It sounds like you and this man are both feeling very scared about getting into a new relationship. My advice is to not email him, and really focus on improving your confidence while you’re waiting for him to reach out. Good luck!
Terri – Thank you so much for sharing your story. Just keep learning and reading the blogs, and you’ll get the dating know-how about what to say and do in no time!
Jennifer – thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. When a guy disappears like that, the best thing to do is chalk it up to not being a match. Keep data dating with dignity and you will find that right guy for you soon!
Thank you very much for your training. I’m doing homework and I’ve started thinking really whether I’m in love with the right man for me or is it just because I’m in the romantic rut??? I hope I’ll see it clear soon!
I want to clarify my earlier message, I never had any type of sex with any of these me I met online and I only met the first one fir dinner. The second man stood me up on what would have been our first date. I never heard from any of them again.
I’m new to Dating with Dignity. I just finished your first video and it was amazing! When you instructed us to create a romantic rut circle I felt like you were looking at me. I just started (only online so far) dating after a 5 year sabbatical (returned to the US to be the caretaker of my mother who succumbed to Alzheimer’s and later my boyfriend died). I stopped dating when my mother became ill and after her death. When I decided I was ready to date again I did everything you said we should not do, i.e. I was nervous, talked too much, made myself semi-accessible, long text messages, and in short I tried too hard. Sure, I am confident in my intelligence, I lived abroad, I’m well educated, cultured, well-traveled, former TV reporter, before that a professional couture model, a former business owner and I’ve been engaged but never married. Last year I had a bad accident and now I wear an iron knee brace (its temporary pending knee surgery). I admit this brace affected my self-esteem but lately I began to embrace it and love myself in spite of it. I am not ashamed anymore; it doesn’t define who I am.
I know these men found me sexually attractive but it has been so long since I dated I was unsure how to use my sexuality in a way that did not send the wrong message so I tried to hid it and downplay my accomplishments. I met the first man (online) for dinner and his girlfriend’s friend showed up unexpectedly and sat next to us. Needless to say that dampened the mood once it was obvious he was busted as his phone rang off the hook so I ended the date sooner. I never heard from him again. The second man I met online as well we seemed to have a great connection he said all the right things, was anxious to meet and date. It was maybe a little too obvious that I liked him. He wanted to drive up from Miami to Orlando to meet me and have our first date. We text, phone, SKYPE he asked for hotel information in my area and thanked me, even calling me sweetie, which I liked. I was out of town that weekend but called to reaffirm the day before our first date on July 4 but his messages was being forwarded to voicemail. He never returned my call. July 4 came but he disappeared, vanished – POOF! Never heard from him again.
I was surprised, disappointed and hurt. I thought we had a great connection and he gave no sign anything was wrong. My saving grace is I never had any type of sex with him (not physical, phone, text, etc.) and I did not pursue either of these men after they disappeared. The second man I do miss, just knowing someone is in my life. Although I miss him I refuse to compromise my dignity by calling and/or pursuing him.
I admit to internalizing and underscoring Catabolic messages by wondering what am I doing wrong, if I am such a great catch why hasn’t anybody caught me, what’s wrong with me that I can’t at least attract the right guy for me, what am I saying and/or doing that’s turning men off, is my social life over, etc. When I saw your video just now I saw so much of myself and now I need to learn how to fix it and stop what seems like a chain reaction. I will do the homework because your first video was so enlightening.
Really wish I had seen this video in high school but that was over 30 years ago. My entire marriage was nothing but crumbs and I know it was because he and I both knew that I was more invested in the relationship and marriage than he was. He pretty much preyed on my fear of him leaving and gave me fewer and fewer crumbs. 8 years after my divorce, I am pretty much fully recovered from that. I am smart, attractive, independent, active and fun. And while I think these thoughts come through, I am not all that skilled in exactly what to say or not say. Will do the exercises and am really looking forward to the other videos.
I look forward to your other videos. I am very confused and a bit frustrated right now. I have been single and celibate for over two years and do want to venture out of being safe by being alone. I met a man a few months ago and we hit it off; certainly was sexual chemistry. I was supposed to meet him at a dance but did that negative and fearful, obsessive type of thinking…what if he doesn’t show up? What if he does show up and it goes badly or worse yet, it goes really great, then what? He later ran into a friend of mine and said he was disappointed that I never made it to the dance and passed on his email address to give to me. Problem was this friend went out of town and then kept forgetting to give me his email address. I felt it was likely too late and that too much time had passed but she encouraged me to contact him. We have been emailing back and forth so much. He really wants to call me on the phone and I did give him my number. He said he is actually quite shy and has to work up the courage to call me. I am quite shy myself and rarely make the first move so it seems we are both stuck. I do want to get to know him better. I was open and honest with him and let him know that when he is ready he can call, no pressure as it sure took me a long time to get in touch with him after we first met. Crazy thing is he emailed several times that day but after this last email, nothing. I think we are both scared and have both had marriages that were very unhappy but I really believe there could be a way for us both to leap out of that rut. I have re-read the last email 3 times, trying to figure out if I left him with the wrong impression. Almost like leaving him thinking he has to call instead of all the emails. That sure was not how I wanted to come across. Right now I think it best not to email him again and to just wait. Please let me know what you think.
Thank you very much, it’s concise and clear, and so appealing at the same time. I’ve been alone for quite long, and I really wanted to change it, so I even changed the country of my residence. But I came into the same rut again, doing same things all the time, got scared of all relationships. However, I’ve met a new inspiring guy recently, want to try again with him!!! I am starting using your method tomorrow! I hope very much it helps!!!
The biggest aha : You keep dating the same type of guy …because you keep doing the same damn stupid things….
and yes you know its true …cause if you write it down you will see…youself and your behavior on paper…
If you dont change …if you dont demand anything….nothing worthwhile is going to happen
You have to learn to say yes and no …and walk away
And yes…you do leak… I dont have to say anything…he knows…when I’m bored tired and just had it. And even then …men will sit still and wait for sex. They are going to be used …and I will allow even though I’m fed up. Just because I …well miss a man.
But not him!
But another …and I bet they can sense it…
Biggest aha – you really know what you are talking about. You have synthesized the important things I’ve learned from being in therapy, doing yoga, working with a life coach, and practicing mindfulness. I’m currently working with a life coach who gave me the assignment of “dating myself” as the first step toward reaching my goal: being capable of participating in a healthy and happy marriage. I’ve progressed now to the point where “we” (myself and I) are “living together” – woo hoo! – and I practice being my own best friend.
Biggest take away – the question I can ask myself at choice points – Will you work toward this vision of what you want? It’s a very appealing and motivating way of looking at making good choices. Working toward that vision.
Thanks for your wise advice and I look forward to learning more!
Just wanted to add, regarding my feedback about the “provider,” I know if I met someone who I got along with really really well, had fun, great compatibility, I would not consider the “provider” thing, be he poor as a church mouse.
First thank you for making this available to the public, I for one am looking forward to fixing me. I THINK THE BIGGEST AHH HUH for me in this was, that it’s me. It would be so much easier if it were them, now I have to do some serious work on myself because I am a dating mess. I attract all the unavailable men, married, newly alone, emotionally unavailable. I really thought it was them, but yes the 1 component that is consistent is me. Ugg. I just hope I am ready to make the serious mental changes it is going to take for me to be this female you speak of. I am that Alfa Female that doesn’t know how to not be aggressive. I chase them all away, sometimes they run. 🙁
Hi Marni, your video was very interesting. Once I started online dating, I didn’t meet a guy who did not like me, but they were not who I was looking for. I can fall into the “lethargic” category at this point. I did find some things I project (probably) right off the bat. I think what I project is that I believe in a man being the provider. My ex gave me the world (and that is exactly what I asked for, in my mind). Too bad he was prone to temper tantrums, bad ones, for no reason. I decided before that marriage that it was ok to be a woman, that I didn’t have to try to compete with a man, impress him with my achievements, etc., etc. Now, I would like women’s opinions on this provider thing. Do you consider this a wrong idea? Doesn’t every woman want a provider? (I am not young but look 10 years younger than my age.) I need to find out if I should get this idea out of my head. I stopped dating for a while, but recently met someone who is very nice, a professional (as was my last husband), though I would have to get over some physical aspects, such as quite short) but I am open to different body types, I think it is the liking/compatibility that counts. Please let me know your thoughts. I don’t have to have a provider, I still work and my son also provides for me, but I am alone, no companionship. I just respect this kind of man. I don’t go for the guys who have been brainwashed by the old women’s lib and care about the income you make, and even say so on their profiles. My idea is old-fashioned, I know. Let me know what you think!
Yes, I’ve been leaking lack of self-confidence lately. There was a time when I felt great and men were attracted to that and wanted to be with me. Perhaps this will be the beginning of my way back!
I first saw your dating with dignity videos on you tube – you (and your exceptional co-host) are a breath of fresh air – plus I like the theme music.
My aha moment: That I am worth more than the crumbs someone else is willing to give me. I just broke it off with a man I really liked, but because of his schedule and obligations, I actually found myself fighting to get the minutes of time he has available to give. I was actually degrading myself by fighting for his time, for the crumbs – and liking it when I got some. I AM worth so much more.
I can’t wait to get the next video!
I’ve never been in a relationship, but this video has open my eyes to what I’ve been doing wrong on the first date. I feel that my communication with men is not developed how can I develope this skill? Also, I can’t wait for the next video. I fall for the same guy all the time.
Thanks for sharing this video. My biggest aha moment is our self-perception energies that are being felt by men from us. I believe I’m Level 1. Knowing this made me realized that I have to take full responsibility in changing my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Overall, the vibes I send to the man I’m dating (or will be dating in the future).
Thanks so much,
Marni, my biggest aha moment was this… It all goes back to the beginning of my rut (and the crumbs). I seek out men who are clingy and “need(y)” me. I have a limiting belief (I call it Old 20th Century European Immigrant.) Not cute. stick with me… When my ancestors came here, they were plagued with ingrained lack thinking and took whatever little they could get and hung onto it for dear life forever. Hard work and sacrifice = getting little or nothing. And then going back to work. For more. This is what I have attracted in men. The I realize it and I cannot get rid of them. Armed with this knowledge and previous faith in the coaching process with your aha’s and questions, I know I can release this thinking and find someone worthy of me.
My biggest ah ha moment was the picture of the crumbs and the cake. I’m very confident, to the extent men tell me I’m pretty intimidating (I hope this is the Alpha Fem you mentioned), but I always just take what seems to come along, including the crumbs.
Now I want the cake!
Thanks and I can’t wait for the 2nd video!
I’m 70 years old and after 47 years of marriage I lost my husband
two and a half years ago.
I’ve started on line dating with a few men and I’m beginning to feel I’m just not good enough. On line I send messages to men and so many of them never answer. Most of the men have made me feel that maybe I said something that turned them off. One told me he was more worldly than me. I ware a wig because my hair has gotten thin and hard to fix. And that makes me feel self conscious and not worthy of a date.
You’ve made me see I have to change the way I think and feel about myself to be successful. Thank You
Thank You doesn’t project how grateful I am. I have been searching through for help for months and believe me I would have payed if I could afford it. The information would be worth it.As it is I am struggling with library books. You have been most generous to give us advice. I am 55 next week and I have never been able to keep a relationship. I can peace together why they failed as a young woman but now and for some time as a grow up I fail to see why I am not keeping hold of the men I am now meeting on pof. I am a nice person and regarded as attractive. but there is definatley something about me why they exit from me. I am going to listen again to the video because I want to learn and understand. I have enjoyed reading the issues rised by your other readers, it is good to know that other women have the same hurts and difficulties. Thank You caroline
you are amazing!
Nancy – LOVE your aha moment! Keep reading, watching, learning and commenting!
Sha – Your key to balance will be being more open to the men you meet. Don’t judge and write them off right away. Give them at least three dates for attraction to grow, and to learn more about who they are as people. Good luck!
Bev – Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it’s hard to get over someone who disappears without a reason. This type of man is emotionally unavailable and not worth your time. I promise there is someone better for you. Don’t waste precious time on this man!
Susann – I’m happy to answer any questions you have. Can you be more specific in what you’d like to know?
Liz – I’m so glad the videos are helping you. Keep watching and commenting!
The AHA moment for me watching the video was that our catabolic energy is projected and that men actually pick up on it. It makes total sense but not something I ever thought was impacting my relationships. I’m looking forward to doing the homework, particularly the judgment journal, to see what I have been projecting (although I have a pretty good idea). Thanks.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this. I found your videos last night on Youtube because I guy that I’m really interested in (who I thought was interested in me) has been behaving differently. It’s good to know that we’re in control of the results we want in our relationships!!!
No idea what Iu weresaying seems so long I got more confused can u simplify what u meant please. Thanks
Thank you for all the advice. I have been divorced for about a year and a half and am 64 . About 8 months ago, I started dating a guy that lost his wife about 3 years ago. When I met him he was extremely nice , many conplimements and after a few months asked me to be his girlfriend and keep mentioning that in the future he wanted to live with me. Then after about seeing him
For 7 months, he completely stop calling me. Intried calling and e mailing him, he did not answer and then finally e mailed me back saying that He was going through a big depression about losing his wife. He said that it had nothing to do with me. Anyway, that was in March and it is taking me a long time to get over it. Thus I am very interested in you series of advice. Maybe he was a player. I did sympasize with him a lot I think that I was too much of a giver and he was a taker
my aha moment is that I am a super me. maybe, I am to super me(lol)
but still do not have a man. I often feel that a man do not deserve me, OR I feel that he is not good enough. I love me, and refuse to settle. I need a balance, I know. How do I balance this situation.
AHA…I am stuck between the Victim and Conlfict syndrome and need my anabolic energy. I married and divorced a crumb but got right back to the same sort of guy in my engagment to crumb #2. Jeez! I know where this comes from and I am ready to let it go. I am looking forward to discovering my ALPHA FEM and getting the whole cake. Great video. Thanks Marina.
A sexy alpha female is a woman who is POWERFUL and successful AND feminine and vulnerable. I hope that helps. BIG hugs, Marni
Aha was romantic rut. Reflecting & realizing a pattern. I don’t know what a Sexy Alpha Fem does or looks like. I needs to figure that out.
Nicola: Of course! I’m glad you’re enjoying the videos. 🙂
Leeka: I am SO happy to hear that. Keep watching and keep commenting!
Thank you Marni for sharing this information. You have given us lots of food for thought 🙂
Blessings from Nicola
sorry, Mrs. Battista, here is my corrected email.:-)
I can’t explain how thankful and happy I am for this advice. I plan to do the homework and write down my patterns, and apply the advice, to hopefully find the right one for me.:-)
Tammy: LOVE that change! Let me know how it works out for you. BIG hugs.
Lateshia: Thanks for the compliment! Keep watching and keep commenting. 🙂
Carriese: LOVE those “ahas”! Catabolic thoughts are incredibly powerful, as are self-worth issues. Keep working the homework and focusing on breaking through these obstacles. BIG hugs.
Teresa: Well, it sounds like you’re definitely in a romantic rut! Whenever a client tells me she’s always attracting the same kinds of men, I say take the D-Factor! You don’t have to continue down this path of not knowing why you’re unlucky in love. I promise, once you fix what’s “broken”, the good men WILL appear, and you will start dating. BIG hugs.
Britni: I’m so happy that you are enjoying the videos, and that you’re having such powerful breakthroughs! Enjoy your time in the Peace Corps; I hope your instincts that you’ll meet someone there are correct!
My ah ha moment was the list given for crumbs. I’ve been divorced for 5 years and I’ve just entered the dating world. Thought I broken out of my cycle, but realized I have repeated the same kind of men. I know it’s them, but it always feels like I should of seen them coming. The change I will make is stay true to myself and let them see the true me. Thank you!
I’m so glad I’ve been able to help you! Keep reading and commenting!
great process more women should know about this
Thank you Marni for sharing this information! I had two “aha” moments while listening to the video. The first was no matter how fabulous or great I attempt to be on the outside, men can hear the catabolic thoughts on the inside that I release…WOW! The second was I have been in a romantic rut, the ugh syndrome. For the past couple of years I’ve been thinking of dating as drudgery. What’s crazy is that I consider myself to be a positive, outgoing, encouraging, and successful person. I frequently have anabolic thoughts. Apparently deep down I have some self-worth issues that I haven’t completely resolved. Hopefully through the homework I will have a breakthrough. I look forward to the next video. Thanks again for sharing and God bless!
And there is something else: guys my age, if they want a committed relationship, go for younger women that can have children; and if they don’t want a relationship or kids, they avoid women my age because our clock is ticking. I don’t see a way out of this.
Marni, believe me when I tell you I do love myself. I am a pretty successful at work, ballerina, have plenty of different interests, love lo learn, travel, enjoy life. But I am 42, still single, and all my single man friends are gay. They are all wonderful men, but not available to girls. Any new guy I meet is either married or gay. So what do I do with dating advice when there is no one to date? Also, in my life story, all my achievements seem to be an inconvenience for guys. I have heard so many times the phrase: “you are too much for me, I don’t deserve a woman like you”. Just recently a guy told me that he thought I was so amazing that it was hard for a guy like him to approach me. So it is a loose loose situation.
And I do have a romantic rut: I think the constant is that I fall for guys that are in limbo and don’t know what to do with their lives, and when they make the decisions, those decisions don’t include me.
I wish positive thinking would change the environment around me, but it hasn’t.
I want to start by saying THANK YOU. So much! This is some of the best and most applicable advice I have heard to date. I recently turned 23 and have just started dating. I have never had a boyfriend and have struggled with my self esteem because of it, feeling like I was watching everyone else from the outside. I have had a number of limiting beliefs that no longer serve me. I have not spoken to my father for ten years and grew up in a community that valued looks far different from my own. I have recently had an amazing breakthrough in realizing that my father did not abandon me, but was unstable and had nothing to give. I think it was even a blessing that he was not around. I no longer feel that sense of hurt and abandonment and am beginning to truly grow. I will be leaving for Peace Corps in a few months and believe I may meet someone there. I am trying to prepare myself to be open to love should I find it.
Thank You, Marni…I have listened to many !!! relationship videos and have even spent money and done online courses. I like your approach and this time when you said “What are your core beliefs about men…about yourself” I heard it and Somehow although I have been asked that question before..this time I think I heard It !!!LOL I like the way you break it down..Thank You… Anyway I have a lot of thoughts and questions but won’t write them all…Thanks again…Denise
I was so obsessed with myself that I did not answer: The biggest AHA was the article or letter before the video…where I read about myself and these “types of men”???
And I serious did not know that they were well- known and catagolized…
Appearently many women – and not just me – run into these men. ( I think it is revolting to be such a parasit as these men are…emotionel sociopaths who suck you dry for all that is beautifull and true!)
The next aha was when I did the circle…because as we all know its not only the mens fault.
Many things in my nature make it easy for a man like that…
I tend to fall for goodlooking masculine men..I like bluecollar men (oilfield) and toptrained soldiers. That at least was the occupation of two of my favorites….two I spend some time with.
Two I loved ….( and I dont just fall in love..so its only two) But them I could not get..the first one was a mix of a disclamimer and a cry baby and the elite soldier (SIRIUS /greenland) was a narcissist.
So…im blinded by their charms..
well I did the circle…and found out that I dont demand anything..neither from them nor myself.
Thank you for …everything I’m reading and hearing/learning from you.
Tilosh: Answer me this question: do YOU want to spend the rest of YOUR life with someone who starts ignoring you at random just because you expressed a feeling? I didn’t think so. Do the exercises in the videos to gain an understanding of why you keep finding the same guys who want to be spoiled by you but can’t be loving and caring in return. You deserve the whole cake – not just crumbs – so don’t settle for anything else!
Brenda: The vicious cycle is a powerful tool! The second video should show up in your inbox!
Kate: Wow, that is so powerful. The key to getting out of your rut is to learn to love yourself exactly as you are and to know that you are good enough internally – regardless of your size, job or appearance. Once you’re in that place you’ll realize that the guys you want don’t care what job you have or if you’re a size two – they care about how confident, unique and feminine the authentic YOU is.
Tina: Thank you so much for sharing your story because I’m sure a LOT of women watching these videos will be able to relate. Please make sure you watch the second and third videos, which go even deeper into why we attract the wrong men and how to STOP. You are so aware of your rut which is the first and most important step. Just keep learning and striving to improve, and you will stop attracting the sexaholics and start attracting the boyfriend materials!!
So do I ..wish i had known all that stuff.
I have lost my lust for dating …men from dating site.. it seems as if a basically sound idea has turned out to be a pervers hobby for many people who stays in there for years. And that’s scary. And not apealling. And how do you avoid these types or …avoid becoming one yourself?
That’s what I leak of.
After having datet Mr.ivehadoverhundredsofwomen and Mr.fuckitall Mr.showoff Mr.vanish Mr.fullofshit Mr.Illdoanythingforjusthavingaplacetostay…Mr.lookingforaprincess Mr.Ilikethailand Mr.heartbreak and on and on (but yes there are of course nice men also)
feeling like a combination of Mrs.naiv and Mrs.beenaroundtheblock I am now projecting Mrs.Ivehadit…go ahead make my day.
Let me add that I have known a guy from august till 4 days ago. He was 6 ft 3 tall and I was hopelessly in love with him. I have 1000 sms from him…but nevertheless he was a disclaimer??? (sorry cant remember the brilliant text you wrote) And I still kept on with him ? I did not know that this was a pattern for some men…simply because I am in the game for the right reasons. So I was honest about my feelings …and so was he. But when he …and he did quite early say these disclaimer thing…I was in love …
I want to change my habits because ….I have a lot of lust humor and confidence but I attract the wrong type of men. So I don’t use dating anymore. There are many more important things.
I want to listen and learn to what Marni is saying…because she is right! I don’t believe in Gurus…and I don’t like slimmy salespersons…but I do like her. She makes sence and she says a lot of good things. She cuts the crap and she speaks the truth..
I like to listen to her. So Marni : big hugs from Denmark.
So basically I want to stop dating men who dissappoints me.
I might add: Stop letting them do what they …because he sure told me…but I was deaf dum and blind.
I am to good for this. And he should have known ? Why could he not see that I was the one for him? How could he do this to me?
Yes I did it myself I know…
I will now watch and listen and hopefully learn and pick up “something”…and yes its a slow proces.
(pls if this is not correct English..understand that I am from Denmark)
Well …been listening with closed eyes and an open mind…so: what am I broadcasting ? what am I thinking about myself.. saying about myself and what I my actions ?
I hate to say it …but so far dignity appears to have been missing in my dating. What’s been present is an abundance of sex. It seems to be the one thing I master. So I actually (without being one) have come to think of myself as an almost prostitute.
The other thing is how naiv I am. How good I am. How nice and warm I am. And what a slow and dum learner I am.
Before i openly confess how much pain I have met…through these men and through my own longing for a man.
Im dying a litte each time.
So what am I “broadcasting” (love that Word)? SEX and avaiability ..must be the answer.
I tend to appeal to sexaholics …? I will draw this circle and ask myself where my responsibility lays…in all this.
But ha ha: I have actually just read about myself ??? in one of Marni’s letters how I settle for a “disclaimer” ? I was in chock when I read that letter? Oh my that was me? How can anyone be so ??? I refuse to say the Word. I settle for crumbs…?
The only thing I wanted or want was a good mand – I look good I’m sexy a good dresser…well educatet…(teacher) I’m funny …and capable of loving…but yet I fall for the wrong men?
Now I will try to figure out …why I do like I do…I tend to fall in love fast ??? I dont know why ?
I have been dating a guy for 1 yr now, last yr at the end of Sept I expressed to him how unhappy I am on how he has been treating me, he got upset and did not communicte with me for a month.
He started contacting me after a month and I gave him a 2nd chance but now we back to him ignoring me again.He did express he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but when I tell him I dnt like the way he treats me he gets upset and stops communication.
I love him but will love to happy and treated right because he has not introduced me to any of his family whereas I have done.
I’m so confused, I seem to meet the same type of guys who love to spoilt by me but can’t just be loving and caring towards me.I’m now in this rut(dnt want to date again) I’m gona be 42yr old and would love to be married and loved by someone who can treat me right.
Looking forward to the next videos ,maybe I will find my answers,
I think my biggest LEAKING issue is that do tend to believe that no one will ever love me the way I love him, and that I’ll never have what I see in couples around me. And ultimately this is because I have a hard time loving myself. I usually start the first couple dates being confident, fun, funny, sassy, but then I get insecure and get quiet. I lose faith that he’ll really truly like me for me. Especially in NYC where so many people are doing so many fascinating things, it’s easy to feel like people are interested in what you DO rather than who you ARE. And if the next girl has a cooler job than me, is prettier and skinnier than me, etc etc… why would he want to be with me?
Thank you, Marni, for the work you do and for the personal time you’re taking with everyone here.
I am working on making a different choice at each choice point and its helping to keep me centered instead of reacting emotionally. Your vivacious cycle chart illustrated this so perfectly! Please send me video 2!!!!!!!
Every leaking clue runs through my head. You were right on about my thoughts and feelings. I am leaking all over but, I feel I also feel I am a terrific person and a great catch. I am going to try to dig out where the leaky feelings came from. Thank you.
Hurt 1000 Times: That is so powerful, thank you SO much for sharing that. A lot of people get caught up in thinking things like, “it will never work for me” or “nothing has worked so why will this?”, and I am SO proud of you for stepping out of that catabolic thought pattern and using a brand new tool. You are NOT a quitter. BRAVO!!
Lisa: Woot Woot! I’m doing the happy dance over here! Love to hear that you’re using this advice to get out there and date. Any special man in the picture?
Sandra: First, I love that you printed out a picture of a beautiful cake, just for you. I’m all about waiting out for the entire cake – not settling for crumbs – so I love that you did that. Keep watching these videos, because we’ll talk a LOT about “bad guys”, like the still married, only-out-for-sex,and emotionally unavailable types. I’ll show you how to avoid them, and how to start attracting the guys you WANT – the ones who can give you the relationship you deserve.
I have had a very hard time fighting with my self. I have being working a lot with my self, letting out all crumbs from the past, my fears, etc. I opened 3 on line date profiles (and closed 2 yesterday) because I received a lot of messages, nice words, my pictures have a “10” qualification, I feel and look great, I think I am nice, interesting, lovely, and so many great things about me. But… the result is the same, married men, separated men, and the “good ones” write and send messages, some calls but nothing. I have met just one men, but he only wanted a good time (including sex) and all this Ah ha moments have made me feel so confuse, I know I deserve the best (you may not believe me, but 4 years ago, after the divorce process I printed a so beautiful cake picture because I remembered that when I was a child my father used to celebrate my birthday with a cousin of him which birthday was the same day, so I shared “my celebration” with another person, so when I decided to give my self all the best I decided that I deserve a cake for me, not sharing, not crumbs a real and a complete, delicious cake for me), and I am working a lot, have taken curses, read books, talk a lot, the psychologist Therapy, etc. But no matter what the feeling at the end is the same, what I am doing bad? May I am not good enough? I can not believe in spite of I look great, I have interesting talks, I am smart, nice, good friend, sensual woman, I receive so many nice male words but no dates, no real men interest about me. And I am so tired hearing my friends saying you should get a boyfriend, as if the only thing I should do is to take the first one walking on the street. As I mentioned before, I closed 2 profiles because I was exhausted trying to answer all the messages and receiving so young (I mean 20-30 men years old) or old (55-65 years old), so many sex requests, (you cannot believe the pictures of the profiles and some I received), And the result is I am at the beginning, no boyfriend, no dates, so angry, so confuse about if I am not living on the past (I mean I desire sex, but with my loved one, I want to hear love words, and all I receive from married and separated men but form my boyfriend, the man who loves me only) and I should enter into the actual times (I mean no compromise and enjoy what arrives in my life), so desperate. I will do the homework and will be ready for the next videos and I am sure I will find the answers I am looking for. Thank you Marni for all your help. Blessings!
Thank you Marni – your advice is what we in Oz call “Pantene” like the shampoo commercial. The results may not happen overnight but they will happen.
I have been working with your information for 12 months and I’m starting to see real shifts in my relationships with men and my friends and complete strangers – your advice has changed my life. I’m no longer sad and single; I’m vibrant and dating.
When i first listened to the video I have to admit i related to it… So much so that i sat there being Catabloic towards your help saying it wont work, im too damaged, it will work for day or 2 but what is the point it will all fall apart like it always does… Then I stopped took a deep breath. ASked myself if i was really a quitter and if I really wanted things to stay the same. So I am using the saying TODAY … Today I am going to let my burdens go. I am going to face this day and have faith that everything will get better and not even worry or think about tommorrow. Tommorrow I will think about tommorrow.
Lareina: Such a beautiful aha moment. LOVE this and I’m sure MANY other women can relate. Keep practicing being open, vulnerable and feminine and building your self-worth. And keep watching the videos – we’ll talk about ALL of those topics as we go on.
My biggest aha moment is that I truly need to love, honor and accept myself and not just pretend that i do because I want to “appear” like I have it together. I need to stop abandoning myself and my needs, desires and feelings. I realize this is ultimately a form of dishonesty and is definately not making me more attractive or serving anyone. People are attracted to people who like themselves. Until I can get the inner stuff right I won’t be able to have the deep, intimate relationship that I really desire. An action step that I can take is practice being vulnerable with people who are in my life now (friends, siblings, co-workers, family, etc…) so it doesn’t seem so scary when a man I am inerested in comes into my life. I’m going to start preparing my mind, body and spirit today so I am ready for him when he comes:)
Katy: LOVE that aha. That fear is a lot more common than you may think. I think you’ll really benefit from checking back in with your motivation and working on dating from a place of openness, not fear. Keep me posted on your progress!
Angela: Those were some really profound insights, and I’m really impressed by how positive you are. Be conscious of not letting your fears hold you back, and definitely watch the next two videos – they’re going to answer a LOT of questions for you.
Kamilla: If you don’t have enlightened friends, they could be sabotaging your success. How about you try keeping your relationships close to the vest for a while, especially as you’re just getting to know the guy? That way you won’t risk any negative influence. 🙂
Sharon: It sounds like you’re incredibly aware, which is SO important. Just don’t put too much pressure on “great date guy” to turn into “instant boyfriend”, and enjoy the process of getting to know him.
Amanda: It’s absolutely possible to slip back into your old habits, patterns and beliefs once you start to feel more comfortable with someone. My advice is to just pull back a little bit, reconnect with your anabolic self and just check in with your intention of dating, living and being in the world. It sounds like you just got knocked a little bit out of alignment. 🙂 Let me know how it all works out!
Sam: I’m so glad this video helped you. I know how easy it is to get super excited about a great guy and forget that you don’t really know him all that well yet. As long as you’re aware of your rut and committed to making a breakthrough, you’re well on your to change.
Jasmine: LOVE that breakthrough!! Isn’t is so funny how once you start doing things differently, the crappy guys just disappear? So happy for you!
Susan: The cycle is a POWERFUL tool and it can be super scary when you see your pattern right there in the circle and you realize how it’s been running your life and relationships. Now that you know, you can make the choice to get off the cycle and stop the merry-go-round. Keep watching the next two videos, because we’ll be teaching you how to do just that!
D. Dalanje: What is it about this relationship that you’d like to examine further?
Rebecca: The fear of not being loved is one of the most painful and common fears out there. Your journey begins at building your self-worth and really, truly believing and knowing that you are worthy of love. These videos will help, but I recommend http://www.outoftheromanticrut as well. During this course we talk in DEPTH about building your confidence and becoming that woman who knows she’s lovable and deserves an amazing man. I think it could do wonders for you. 🙂
Suzanne: I LOVE your insights into your romantic rut and patterns. It sounds like you’ve already come up with some awesome ways to stop negative thinking in it’s tracks and connect more with the anabolic you. Just be patient with yourself – it takes a long time to master but it is so worth it!!
Laura: It sounds like you may be sabotaging yourself and the truth is – you ARE in a rut. You’re in a rut of inaction – of knowing a man is interested in you but being too afraid to express your interest back. But there is ABSOLUTELY hope for you. My advice is to check out http://www.outoftheromanticrut.com. I think it will help you a lot in moving past this fear. Let me know what you think!
Noreen: Self-confidence is so huge when it comes to dating and life in general. Keep watching these videos because we’ll go into ways you can build your self worth and dating confidence in no time at all. 🙂
thanks for the clear and concise video.I know my biggest problem with everything in my life,including dating, is a lack of self-confidence.I know why I suffer from that but don’t know how to over-come it.Hope you’re videos and homework will help.Looking forward to the next!
My aha moment was you talking about how we have to value ourselves.
I wish I could get in a dating rut. I am so afraid of being hurt that once a realize a man is attracted to me I cannot show him that I am interested in him. Current situation, a man at work has been interested in me for over 6 months but has not spoken a word to me. I am in my late forties and have no difficulties with people that I’m not attracted to. Is there any help for me at all?
Great video..I was very surprised on how amazing and in depth it actually was. I have been on this journey for quite a while. I do get impatient with myself..but again that is my inner mean girl speaking…and I know today I am much more in tune with who I am and how I relate to men..as well as anyone I come in contact with.
I def. can relate to falling for someone and feeling that insecurity creep in and cause all that self doubt. The way I see myself now..is in a very positive way. Keeping in mind that I am not perfect and still learning..so if I fall off the horse and self doubt myself I try to not obsess about that. I just move on to another thought or activity and say ok tomorrow will be better..or next time I will try this.
I have found..changing my activity..running to do an errand or riding my bike has helped.
I can really relate to your message of men seeing your inner voice or dialogue. I have made the mistake of forcing myself to go out on dates when I really was not int. or was down on dating men or myself and it never worked out…sometimes they disapeared or had inappropriate behavior..def not a desirable outcome!
I know how amazing I can be..because I’ve been there. I love being with men I enjoy my feminine sexuality..I love to have men be men for me. That took me a long time to understand and except. When I allow all that to happen I have had truly great results. Even from men that were or are undatable/unavailable that I would not be interested in being with.
What I plan to work on is stopping my inner negativity/catabolic thoughts from sabatoging my life. At the very least if I am having them to STOP myself and turn on the Happy Me before I interact with someone. When you think about it dosen’t really help any relationship.
Thanks..looking forward to more of your insights on relationships.
It was last year on vacation I realized my limiting belief: fear of not being loved. Blew my mind. This has hindered me most of my life in multiple ways. It was these past two weeks, when I first found datingwithdignity, that this belief has held me back on being an alpha female, the confident woman who expresses what she wants.
I don’t express my feelings to men for fear they won’t want me. I.e., I don’t let them know if something is not okay with me, or let them know what I want,and simply going with what they want.
How sad this makes me, all those years, but now I am ready to move on and say and act on how I feel, without fear.
I have been dating the dame man for four years. I think maybe this will have. examine our relationship differently .
Just broke up with a man I had been dating for 12 weeks and I am definitely back in Anabolic Energy Level’s #1 and #2 (Uggh and Conflict/Protection/Boxer mode). Watching this video gave me the opportunity to apply the cycle exercise and WOW was it eye opening! So thankful to have it at this moment in my dating life. It was easy to identify my pattern of why and how I keep attracting overly dependent men who are unable to give me what I want. I play the super strong independent “lean on me” gal. Something I most definitely learned in childhood. And I was a bit shocked to see I start that pattern right on the first date! Thanks so much for the effecient process and self illumination. This week I’m going to focus on the “Super Me” who is able to recieve from a man who is my equal in strength-that’s my dream and what I very much want in my next relationship.
Again, thanks so much! Can’t wait for the next video.
I realized that I have been dating a lot of players, some cry babies and vanishers. Since I started implementing what you taught us, I noticed that I don’t see those guys showing up in my life anymore, at least way less frequent even if I live my life the same way although this time with different ideals and great confidence. I believe that once I master all these things even better, I will meet my Mr. Right in no time:)
Thank you very much,
Great video! I am a very analytic person, so the clock/circle tool will be great for me, because like most women, I do fall victim to excitement because I love the excitement!! Also, I feel like I need to be more realistic as I expect guys to do what I think they should do. Not excusing their crappy behavior, but it is a good way to help yourself not get too emotionally invested with a guy you hardly know.
I know my romantic rut and I have been trying to break out of it, it is tough, but changing your own paradigm on dating does help. I don’t think these are things that will help women change over night, but I think it is a great start. 🙂
I’ve been listening to your webinars and I read the “Super Me” guidebook last year (I’m 35 and 3 years divorced). I’ve noticed how much I’ve learned and changed which is amazing, since no one ever told me how to date before this – so thanks!
I actually have a question – is it possible to find a good guy and be projecting your anabolic self, but then switch back to catabolic and drive him away?
I’ve been dating a new guy for 4 months and was really careful, and definitely saw no warning signs. But my life got crazy stressful and I’ve increasingly drifted to the negative thoughts and now he’s been pulling away. I’d ordinarily think it was him, but after listening to this I’m wondering did I just attract another unavailable guy or am I pushing away a good one with my negativity?
My aha moment was when you spoke about the S.O.P toolkit.ITS like you were reading my mind,I always meet guys then constantly obsess,does he like me,wil he call or bbm,should I.I expect if a date went well or I thought it did dat he wil call when its over and say sumthing gud,Some dont then I obsess and bbm or call.I literally wear my heart on my sleeve,Thank you for your advice,IM sure gonna get out my rut.
Your advice is great. Wish I could keep the good pattern going. I fall after a week and during a dating. Old pattens creep back because friends push you back to your limiting belief.
I think I have to change some friends. They do shift your thinking. My aha moment is writng out my ideal ME 🙂
Funny thing is I find that there is not one Aha moment, but many!
I’ve been following you for almost a year now, finding myself in awe at the advice you give.
I thought I was confident, but it seems may be I was fooling myself.
I’m terrified of relationships, being alone even more so.
You will laugh at this…I have no problem attracting men. I could have a date for everyday of the week…lol!
Not all of them are bad men…but I’m finding that it’s all about sex.
And I’ve went both ways…I gave in to a few & held out as well.
Then end result was the same…never heard from them again!
So, I work harder @ linger hours hoping to forget Im alone. and cant seem to keep a good man around.
I find myself asking questions (to myself), speak, don’t speak. Be open, don’t be too open. Be supportive, don’t be too supportive, etc.
It’s like walking on egg shells…impossible!
But I march on, listening to you. Hoping one day I’ll have it protected.
You should see my circle…lol!
Your helping me be me…now to find someone who excepts me for me.
Ok, so my Ah-Ha was when I realized my romantic rut is that I’m afraid I’m going to miss the warning signs and pick the wrong guy (again). I need to have more faith in my ability to know a good guy from a bad one. Action item – I’m going to reconnect with my motivation for dating and with my outline of what I’m looking for in a partner.
Divor: Thanks for the compliment! Keep reading!
Jagadish: Thank you so much for the blessing!
Dr. Preet: Ahh, good old limiting beliefs. 🙂 You change a limiting belief by asking yourself: how true is this belief REALLY? Are there really NO beautiful women with my skin color? Think about times when you’ve looked and felt beautiful, or when someone said you looked beautiful. That should give you a start on eliminating this belief, but if you want more help I recommend signing up for private coaching or one of my classes, beginning with Breaking Out Of Your Romantic Rut.
Maria: I know many women have been in your shoes! Sometimes a dating hiatus is good (in fact I recommend it to many of my clients when they first begin coaching!), just be careful you don’t throw yourself SO completely into work that you use it as an excuse to not get out there and date. 🙂
Hi Marni: I love your videos and find the super inspirational. My Aha moment came when you spoke about the Catabolic thoughts… are you reading my mind? haha!!
What happens to me is that I am so afraid of making mistakes again that I am literally love-frozen! I am not dating as I think they are all players, or vanishers, etc. I am stuck in the “non-romantic rut”! Just working, working, working and staying lonely as it goes…
You are doing a great job! I’ll keep listening to your advice.
This video is really cool stuff. You told us to work on our thoughts and believes. but please tell me how to change them. I have a limiting belief that I am not very good looking, due to my dusky skin colour. I am smart and intelligent but I do not know how to get rid of this limiting belief. whenever I hear such thoughts in my mind, I use stop and breath technique, but still this limiiting belief make me less confident of me. I am a wonderful person but I want to improve my this belief to become better. Please respond and thank you so much for a wonderful free video.
lots of love and wonderful moments.
nice to meet you May God will give you a nature beaty and pure knowledge of human science
Hello There. I found your weblog using msn. That is a very smartly written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful info. Thank you for the post. I’ll definitely return.
Fabiola: Isn’t that an interesting way to look at it? Never settle for crumbs – hold out for the whole cake!
Kimberly: I’m so glad you’re loving the videos and advice. Keep watching!!
Michelle: I’m so glad to hear you’re making time for yourself! Keep watching and keep commenting!
Danielle: It sounds like you’re doing great so far! Keep learning and growing!
Rosemary: Stick with me and we’ll get you feeling alpha, sexy and confident in no time! Promise. 🙂
Mindy: Wow, I’m so glad to hear how well you’re doing. AND how you’re passing the wisdom along to your daughter. Truly inspirational!
My ah-ha moment was when you talk about crumbs, and I smiled when you said that you used to lick the crumbs of the plate..because I think I even save my crumbs for when I not even get those!! I am so looking forward to breaking free from my RUT!!
I can not tell you how many losers I have dated as I think always he is so sweet. It has turned out he is the same as the last. I watch all and listen to all you say . I sure have had my share of CRUMBS. Such a great way of putting it.
Thanks so much for all your advise.
Thank you Marni!
I am so excited to learn more about how I am going to change my Romantic Rut! I am 46 this year, I was married at 23 and divorced at 39 with 3 beautiful daughters now all over the age of 18, I have more time for me! I have watched many of your YouTube videos and have spent hours listening to you and Christian.
Most of which, I have to say..I NEEDED To Hear. So, Thank you and I am looking forward to the next lesson.
My biggest Ah ha momemt in this video was the notion that we leak. I never considered that I could be leaking my internal thought life! And I’m feeling encouraged that what I am leaking might just be GOOD! After talking with my therapist last month (I’m 46 years old and a couple of years post divorce and still check in ocassionally for some support and a little reality check) about a man I’ve been seeing for about five months now, she said to me, “It sounds to me like you really like who you are in this.” And I DO like who I am in this relationship. Thank you for this insight. It’s encouraging to think that my internal beliefs and feelings can be experienced by others!
I was surprised at the depth and length of the video. Have been online dating since Oct, have met (14) different men and have grown with each one. However I met one under spontaneous circumstances and I was not comfortable at all. Didn’t like what I was projecting, had no confidence and wanted to run. I agree with your self confidence & self worth aspect. I am interested in learning more about communicating with men on a romantic level. I am a project manager in school construction and have difficulty with understanding the alpha, sexy, fem aspect. As that is an aspect that I tend to obscure during work and not sure how to unveil that side of me.
There is a guy with whom I have dated 2 times and am interested. He has traveled quite extensively international and am trying not to let that intimidate me.
I wish I had known all this stuff years ago. I basically did the whole “ugh” thing and ended up taking two whole years off from dating, but it did end up being the best thing that I could do because in that time instead of focusing on trying to find a man I got my life in line, lost a significant amount of weight (which made me feel so much better about myself) and got happy with myself and my own life. Last summer I got back into the dating scene and right off the bat ended up with a Mr. Elusive. Fortunately I had been watching your videos and was able to spot it. The old me would have probably tried to make it work, but the new me knows I deserve better. I broke up with him and went right back online. I went on a few dates and met a wonderful guy who I’ve now been seeing for over four months. He’s definitely Mr. Boyfriend Material and I couldn’t be happier. I have followed a lot of your advice since day one of the relationship and it has worked. I’ve changed some of my old habits of persuing too much and doing too much for guys. The difference is amazing! It allows him to do things for me and for me to receive from him and it makes him happy. He even told me on Valentine’s Day that seeing me happy makes him happy. All these years I’ve had it backwards! I have a friend who is having similar issues and I sent her a link to your site. Thanks so much for the helpful information! I’m teaching my daughter these things so hopefully she can be smarter about dating than I was for so many years.