Can you flip a player?! It’s one of the most commonly asked questions at Dating With Dignity and it comes from this place of ultimately wanting to know if you can change something that is starting to feel REALLY bad. After all, if you were OK with how it was going you wouldn’t be combing […]Read more »
I like to use imagery to help clients (and myself) understand what life is like when lived “in the question mark.” Imagine then, if you will, the two extreme options. For example, the man I am dating is “in” — meaning he is “the one,” or he is “out,” meaning I must break up with him immediately. If I choose to live in the “question mark,” however, I am standing smack dab in the middle of both these extreme options.
What, though, does it feel like to BE, to LIVE life in the question mark? Here’s how to experience those feelings so that you can begin to go there effortlessly when you feel yourself heading down the path of “either/or” black and white thinkingRead more »
I was thinking about holidays yesterday, and how the men I dated in the past influenced my experience of Fourth of July. There was the “Big Breakup” guy who told me, point blank, on July 4th, that he wanted to cancel plans because he “wanted to hang with his friends, drink some beers, play pool and chill. He then said that I should ‘get it,’ intimating my disappointment was inappropriate. He also told me I was being”needy” when I retorted to his change of plans, claiming, “Most guys wanna spend time with their girlfriends on the Fourth of July.”Read more »
If Valentine’s Day were a person I would be defending her, taking her to lunch to help “pump” her up, and unabashedly wondering why people are avoiding her at all costs. I mean, geez, she’s just a pink and red Hallmark holiday moment. She doesn’t smell. Dress weird, or have bad breath.Read more »
Hey Dignity Daters! I’m preparing for my workshop tomorrow night in Los Angeles in which I’m collaborating Dr. Theo Kousouli, a chiropractic healer. We are going to dig deep into one of the most frequently asked questions here at Dating With Dignity — a question which I have received a few times from clients the […]Read more »
I also want to reflect on my vacation, and the state of mind I had which enabled ideas to flow freely, love to grow and compassion to deepen. In looking more carefully at this, I realized I had a certain routine while on vacation which enabled me to access deeper parts of myself; A routine in which I took care of myself. Ahh — back to the concept of self care, — and an expansion of the Self-Care Bootcamp I began in the end of 2009. So, what did I do in Maui?Read more »
Ugh. I’m supposed to be better than this. How could I have done such a thoughtless thing? And then I began to think further. What other mistakes have I made this year? And more importantly, how can I change these behaviors and begin to let those mistakes take me to a higher place of being in 2010? In fact, I realize, these mistakes are opportunities to grow, become a better person. I can become more compassionate. Learn to stop ignoring the small voice. I can change, shift, transform, and learn.
I have been keeping a journal while I’ve been here containing thoughts and ideas for 2010. Things I want to do. Places I want to go, and goals I would like to achieve. And as a result, I have decided to become a better at communicating with family. I am going to send more notes. I am going to forgive myself for mistakes made, and put writing condolence and thank you notes higher on “my list” to do list. I am going to send birthday greetings, and send more gifts. I am going to practice what I teach — make my words and actions match. What is on your list?Read more »
Now, on to the guest blog, written by David Shade. While it has nothing to do with Christmas, per se, it does for me. It was on Christmas Eve, six years ago, that I was madly in love with the consummate bad boy. He was all these things. Sometimes he was worse. Sometimes he was better. I tell people, “he was the best, worst thing that ever happened to me” because the pain I suffered as a result of this relationship was debilitating. The good news is that it took me to the depths of myself, forcing me to pick myself up, transform my thinking, and take back control of my life.
My wish is for you to take control of your life in 2010. I’m here to support you on the journey. In the meantime, I’m going to smile, post this blog, breathe deeply, and do what is necessary to enjoy the warm Maui breeze —
Now, on to Bad Boys. I’m dedicating this blog to mine.Read more »
Men and women like you are spending money, time and energy to meet someone with whom they want to fall in love. What’s more, it means that because there are so many people actively dating, it is easy to rule someone out within 30 seconds of meeting them. “Ick,” you think. “She’s out. Who’s next?” Clients tell me there was “no chemistry,” admitting that after those first thirty seconds they literally stopped engaging with the person. Stopped listening carefully, never looked the person across the table in the eye, and immediately discounted them as someone they wanted to get to know.Read more »
It seems that letting go of a relationship, especially when the person meets 75% -80% of your needs, is a challenge. Men and women constantly ask me what is the “right” way to break up? Should they have “break-up” sex, can they be just “friends,” should they talk on the phone regularly? Or, should they just sever ties — make a clean break?Read more »