Can't get the audio to play?
Download the audio here.
What if you’ve met a new guy and you’ve been seeing him for a while. Things are going well but you’re wondering how he feels about you.
Is that something you should ask in a text… or is that a recipe for disaster?
The answer might surprise you!
Marni welcomes Tiffany into the Den to get some guidance on how to step up her dating game and to let go of the anxiety dating a new guy brings into her life. Tiffany shares the personal details of her latest encounter with a guy she has been dating for three weeks.
Ladies, if you have anxiety around dating this episode is an important one. It can help you step out of old patterns, stop self-sabotaging and find the right guy for you.
Is This Guy Just Like Every Other Guy? [2:06]
The guys Tiffany normally dates follow a similar pattern:
They are hot and heavy and make it all about her early on and then they back off without her knowing why.
The guy she is currently dating has just backed off after she sent a text questioning his interest. When he didn’t respond in the way she wanted, she started worrying that he was about to back off too.
Could This Have Something To Do with Me? [8:00]
First things first, remember ladies it is always about you and not about the guy. Tiffany is replaying a childhood issue of abandonment over and over again in her relationships. When she is single she is fine and can take care of herself, but when she starts dating she is triggered and gets anxious,because she isn’t in 100% control of what is going to happen.
In general, if a guy thinks he is responsible for someone else’s self-love and emotional wholeness he’s going to back off.
Until we deal with our core abandonment issues we should pull a ‘Costanza’ and do the opposite of what first comes to our mind.
When you feel yourself drift into scared and anxious:
1. Instead of being mean to yourself, talk to your little girl and talk yourself through your feelings.
2. Realize that one person not texting back or showing up has nothing to do with why you are feeling anxious.
3. Pivot away from taking control of the relationship and instead take care of yourself.
Men say what they mean and mean what they say so listen to them when they talk to you.
Takeaways & Next Steps for Tiffany [24:37]
Now that Tiffany realizes she may be reliving her childhood abandonment issues in her dating life, she can take the steps to heal and start to finally attract a different type of guy.
Marni gives her strategies for sending healthy text messages and inquiries if a future guy starts to ghost her or if she just feels as if the relationship isn’t giving her what she wants for her life.
Tip: If a man gives you a disclaimer, listen to him. He means what he says!