Having the much dreaded “Are you taking down your profile?” conversation with a guy you’re dating is a delicate undertaking indeed.
While an amazing connection between two people who meet online can happen on a first date, it’s safe to assume that it generally takes people a minimum of one month to decide they want to focus on dating one person only. (We suggest one month minimum to ensure you’re dating with dignity, which means really collecting data on your new hottie before you decide he’s “the one!”) For men that time period can be even longer, as it can take men from one to three months to decide if they want to take themselves off the market.
This “Are you taking down your profile?” conversation is similar to the “What are you looking for in a relationship?” conversation or a “Sooo, are you dating anyone else?” conversation. As a result, it’s important to tread carefully while using excellent communication.
Why? Because rushing into a conversation like this could scare the other person if you bring it up too soon. So, you ask, when is “too soon” to initiate the conversation. Before you begin to wonder what HE wants, though, we recommend you begin by taking a look inward. What is it that you want, and why?
Taking your own profile down for a personal reason such as “I’m taking a break from online dating” or “I find myself checking my inbox too often” is perfectly fine. However, taking it offline after one amazing date with a seemingly amazing guy is not such a great idea. If he notices that you’ve removed it at midnight when you left your date around 11:30, he’s probably going to assume it has something to do with him–and he’ll probably think you’re jumping the gun.
So ease up and be patient. It’s important that you get to know him to make sure he shows up as the guy you want to be with long-term consistently, over time. One date does not make a Prince Charming, no matter how charming he may be.
One thing you can do if you feel ready to remove your profile after one to three months of amazing-ness with Mr. Right is to engage in a conversation with him about it directly. Side-stepping this conversation is, in itself, a red flag because there’s something inside you that is most likely “afraid” to bring it up.
If this sounds familiar, then it’s critical to find the cause of this fear. Are you afraid he isn’t as into you as you’re into him? Has your relationship moved at a snail’s pace, and you’re wondering if he’s Mr. Quality Casual rather than Mr. Boyfriend Material? Or perhaps you don’t feel comfortable with his communication style and are afraid he’ll shut down or get mad. Resolving this internal conflict is step one because if you’re not comfortable talking to him about big “issues,” then it’s definitely too soon to even have the conversation in the first place.
If, however, things are progressing and he makes you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, it’s perfectly appropriate to have the “taking down the profile” conversation. You can simply say, “I’m happy with how our relationship is progressing and have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. I know, for me, I’m not interested in dating anyone besides you right now. What do you think about that?”
If he isn’t ready, you may want to evaluate your current relationship status; you could think it’s more serious than it is. And if this is the case, that’s great news because now you can check your feelings for him, start to look more realistically at his potential as your match, and continue dating both online and off!