Everyone has an opinion about what makes love last. Some say that attraction is the motivating reason for a relationship; others say a relationship should be based on being married to someone who is also a best friend.
While it’s in your best interest to be able to find the best of both worlds (a best friend who you may be wildly attracted to), it may seem like an impossible task. Settling should never be an option; however, what if you feel like chemistry is really more important than compatibility or vice-versa? It’s no secret that to make a relationship last, there must be love AND lust. But which is really more important?
When it comes down to it, it is absolutely best to base your decision on personality rather than sexual attraction.
Not to say that sex doesn’t matter. If you’re not compatible in bed, it will most likely destroy your relationship.
So why is compatibility more important? Chemistry is great and attraction is important, but it doesn’t last forever. As you age, marry, or have kids, the chemistry may fade and the compatibility between you two is what becomes more important.
If you’re looking to have a long lasting, forever relationship, you need to find someone who is a best friend and motivator: someone who understands you, respects you, forgives and forgets. Nancy Slotnick, a dating coach and founder or cablight.com says, “I think you can have an even more fulfilling relationship if you respect each other’s worlds and learn a little bit from each other.”
I always think of the phrase “You’ve met your match.” You really do want someone who challenges and spars with you.
Others say that compatibility is overrated. You and your partner may love to play the same sport; but when one of you loses interest or gets injured, the whole relationship could fall apart.
Although couples may have gone through 20-plus years of life with their partner, they may tell their divorce lawyer that they feel as if they don’t even know their spouse. This phenomenon often occurs because people understand material things as “compatibility.”
For example, you and your spouse may love mid-century modern furniture, Starbucks, and animals. But when someone has a change of interest, the whole relationship may fall apart.
To ensure the success of a relationship, it’s extremely important to weigh what is your driving factor: love or lust? Long-lasting marriages are composed of true love in which the people married have found common ground in non-material things such as respect, compassion, and forgiveness. Although sexual attraction may seem more important in your younger years, building something that has REAL meaning is way more important. Happy dating!