There is Mr. Right, and then there’s Mr. Right NOW. Mr Right Now is the one who you see and are immediately attracted to. He’s a smooth talker, well dressed, well traveled, has a good job, and could romance you into bed that same night. Mr Right is the one who you may be attracted to (or not be attracted to), may not have a great job (but is motivated, the most important trait…), may be somewhat awkward when speaking to you, but is attentive and respectful of you from the get-go.
Why would we rather pick the Perfect 10 than the “solid five” who we may have more in common with? Could it be because we have an ego that tells us that we could do “better” in the looks department? Ken Page, L.C.S.W. a relationship researcher, writes in Psychology Today that “People who are willing to date in the mid-range are more likely to find real and lasting love. It’s not a matter of selling out, because immediate attraction isn’t the best forecaster of future passion. Intense attractions blind us to the actual quality of our interaction with others, and to the actual characters of the people we date. Attractions can grow.” It’s best to cultivate a greater attraction than just that initial spark you may have with the perfect ten.
Because of our urge to date Mr Right Now, many potentially wonderful relationships will never be cultivated—which could be why it seems we date so much more now to find The One than our parents did. There are ways that we can be more conscious of the people we find attractive. For example, if you normally date the “bad boys,” remind yourself that they haven’t worked for you in the past; and therefore, they’re probably Mr. Right Now. Time to re-evaluate your approach!
Here are a few tips to locate Mr. Right:
If you think they’re not working for you, they probably aren’t. Don’t keep dating those who haven’t worked!
Observe how he interacts with you. If he’s too busy talking about himself or making eyes at other people in the room, he’s not right for you. If he’s fixed on you, you may have found a winner.
Don’t force common ground. If your major likes don’t match up, don’t force it in the name of attraction!
Picking up your dates when you’re drunk at a bar most likely will not work in your favor. (Sidenote: There are nice guys at bars, but there are also a lot of Mr. Right Nows.)
Use the friend-of-friends approach. If a friend tries to hook you up, let them. Sometimes your friends know what’s best for you when you don’t…
If you can follow these simple rules, there’s a good chance that your luck with men may change. Remember, while you’re chasing Mr. Right Now, Mr Right may be walking right past you! Happy dating!