Now that the latest season of The Bachelorette has officially come to a close, it feels like the perfect time to reflect back on what we at Dating With Dignity have learned from Desiree Hartsock (left) and her group of smoking hot, eligible bachelors…
This was honestly one of my favorite seasons so far, specifically because it illustrated a super juicy lesson that I believe ALL smart and successful women can benefit from – especially if you’re the kind of smart and successful woman who constantly attracts the wrong men!
Here’s the scoop…
After sending home the majority of the bachelors, our beloved bachelorette, Desiree, was left with three, seemingly amazing guys to choose from. Her goal: a proposal.
Pretty typical, don’t ya think? However – this batch of guys was anything but ordinary, and they weren’t all ready to put a ring on it…
Here’s a quick rundown of the key players:
In MANimal terms, Bachelor #1 was a Mr. Elusive through and through. He talked openly (and frequently!) about his feelings without actually expressing anything substantial, other than his ongoing abandonment and daddy issues (read: baggage!). He repeatedly gave Desiree “The Disclaimer”, as he spoke openly of his relationship fears and phobias. One day he was smitten, the next he was pulling away, so time spent with this guy always left Desiree just a little bit confused.
My advice to Bachelor #1: Stop dating until you resolve your childhood wounds. Please. You demonstrate once again that men say what they mean and mean what they say, and no matter how much you “want it”, unresolved issues will sabotage any relationship – even one with great potential.
This guy was a total Mr. Crybaby! His sensitivity, desire to be loved, and raw emotion were always apparent, and as hot as he was on the outside, his inner neediness just wasn’t doing it for Desiree. It was clear that she needed a strong, masculine man to share her life with – and this guy wasn’t it by a long shot.
My advice to Bachelor #2: Less gush, more mystery. You show us that even the hottest guys can have insecurities, and that’s just not attractive.
Our final hunk was a true Mr. Boyfriend Material. He may not have been the hottest guy on the show, but he used his natural confidence and sweet nature to grab Desiree’s attention. And even though he has trouble communicating at times, he genuinely tried to share his thoughts and feelings with Desiree – which was touching to watch. In my expert opinion, this guy was a total keeper.
My advice to Bachelor #3: Keep doing what you’re doing! You’ve got all the makings of a total catch: honest, direct, and ready for love!
Now, based on my overview of these three guys, and everything you know about Dating With Dignity, which bachelor do YOU think Desiree was most attracted to?
That’s right: Mr. Elusive won her heart. Emotionally unavailable once again won out over all the other guys – even Mr. Boyfriend Material!
And when he broke up with Desiree “out of the blue”, he used a stereotypical Mr. Elusive breakup script: “It’s not you, it’s me. You’re too good for me. What’s wrong with me? I should love you! You’re better than me.”
Quiet pause. Tears. Hugs. More tears. Silence.
Click play below to watch Bachelor #1 – Mr. Elusive – break up with a devastated Desiree:
Yikes, that’s still painful to watch. But even though I truly feel sorry for Desiree in that moment, I give kudos to Mr. Elusive for refusing to play along like most of the reality show bachelors do. He quit. He ended it…and Desiree was crushed. “Blindsided”, as she put it.
What YOU can learn from Desiree’s mistakes on The Bachelorette…
In the end, Desiree was blinded by the fantasy of who she wanted Bachelor #1, Mr. Elusive, to be. And because she wanted so badly to believe that he was “The One”, she refused to acknowledge that his words and actions were not adding up to “I love you”, even though the signs were always there. And so, she made the classic mistake of being attracted to the one guy who was the absolute worst for her. Ugh.
Lucky for this bachelorette, she pulled herself together after the breakup. First, she ditched The Crybaby Bachelor #2, and then she hopped on the “best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” train. She professed her love for Bachelor #3, Mr. Boyfriend Material, and he proposed. It certainly made for good TV, but only time will tell if Desiree and Mr. Boyfriend Material have what it takes to last forever.
So, what can you learn from Desiree’s mistakes? For starters, consider the men in your life who you ignore (or maybe don’t even see!) because you’re blinded by the “better”, shinier guys who are always hanging around. Also, be on high alert for behaviors indicative of The Crybaby or Mr. Elusive, and always, always collect data about your dates and have fun!
DWD Contest Alert: I want to hear from you!
So, that’s my take on this season of The Bachelorette. Now that you know my opinion, I want to hear yours!
Tell me: If YOU were producing your own reality dating show like The Bachelorette, how would you make it better? What aspects of the original show would you keep, and what would you change? Leave your opinion in the comment box below by this Saturday, because whoever posts the most insightful comment by then will receive a super amazing free product from the DWD shop!