We know you’re really busy, and we get it: you work a ton, have 200-plus emails to answer before noon, can barely fit in time to see your girlfriends, and already wake up at o’dark thirty to hit the gym. When it comes to dating, you feel like you may be single forever due to your stacked schedule. After all, online dating itself takes hours and going to meet men over coffee every weekend is something that seems an absolute, total waste of time!
The thing is, LOTS of people are really busy. If you think about it, many of the world’s busiest people are either married or in serious relationships; that is, of course, if you consider people like Bill Gates, Barack Obama or Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer “busy.”
We certainly do. And yet they somehow carved out the time not just to date their partner but be with them fully. So unfortunately, if you’re telling yourself that you’re super busy and maybe you’re just meant to be single…well, we don’t buy it and neither should you.
If you consistently try to convince yourself and your friends that you just don’t have time for love, you’re basically telling yourself a huge lie–and it’s one that could cause you to actually be single forever!
So how can you get “un-busy” and make the time and space in your busy schedule for love to get in?
1. Schedule in “me” time to work toward “we” time. Don’t forget that part of taking care of yourself is really taking care of you, and we maintain that rushing off to get a manicure or bikini wax in between your exercise class and a catch-up chat with your girlfriend while you’re in the car doesn’t cut it! SLOW down!
Make time for yourself to relax and slow down. On the weekend, set three mini digital detox goals for the day. Try to sleep with your phone in a room that’s not your bedroom so you can wake up and collect your thoughts before littering your mind with work and the list of to-do’s. Instead, focus on three things for which you’re grateful. Write it down in a journal you keep next to your bed. Lie in bed and read a magazine for 10 minutes, or make a list of friends you want to reach out to and tell them how important they are in your life.
During the other little detox moments, close your eyes and breathe deeply for 60 seconds. Reconnect to your most awesome self, picture your life with a partner who supports you, and smile inwardly. Relax. Slowing down each day can enable you to raise your energetic mojo, which ultimately enables you to start noticing the people who are in the world around you (which can ultimately include eye ping-pong with the cute guy in the parking lot!).
2. Think about your life as it is now and how it could be with another person in it. Would it really change that much? You eat dinner; would it really take more time to eat with another person? Would your Saturdays that currently host yoga classes or lunch with friends really be so different if they included a lunch or dinner date, or a weekend away with your significant other? Imagine how you want to fit a partner into your life, and then start using that time NOW to put yourself out into the world to date. Answer those Match.com emails carefully and slowly. Relish the writing of a quippy email response. Peruse.
Shift your thinking from dating activities as “shoulds” or “need to” do’s because you’re afraid of the consequence if you don’t into an “I choose to date” frame of mind. Notice how your whole body slows down when you say “I choose to make time to date” vs. “I need to get online.” Living in the space of “choose to” will enable you to have a completely different experience of looking for love, which will ultimately help raise your attraction factor.
3. Look at people around you who have a similarly paced job and/or social calendar. Are they ALL single? Do you honestly think you’re meant to be single forever? If you really think about it, we have a feeling that you’ll begin to feel like perhaps you’ve been holding yourself back from dating and need to make some changes ASAP. Being busy allows you to stay safe, in control and comfortable. You may hate those long hours, but the payoff is that you get kudos from your boss AND a valid reason why you don’t share your closet with the man of your dreams.
Stop using “busy-ness” as an excuse and slow down so that your Mr. Right can actually see you when you walk by. Remember, a man who could be looking for love simply won’t see you when your head is buried in your phone, you’re chatting with earbuds in, or you’re a million miles away with your mind spinning a conversation about a meeting you’re having an hour from now.
Remember, making up excuses for being single will keep you single. Making changes will get you closer to your goals, and it’s not as hard as you think.