If you are a strong, successful woman who’s been lacking a healthy, fulfilling relationship, chances are there are a few reasons why you may feel like you’re still single. Limiting beliefs — beliefs you hold from the past that are limiting your present life and lifestyle — are some of the biggest reasons why people don’t get what they want. If you find yourself successful in some areas in life (like your career) but not so successful in others (like LOVE), you may need to step back and think about the reasons you think you might be single.
Are these any of your reasons for why you’re single?
- It’s hard to meet good men where I live.
- Good guys all want younger women!
- Good guys want to be with me because I’m successful and they want me to take care of them.
- Men are actually intimidated by strong, independent women.
- My town is full of guys I don’t want to be with.
The good news is, you’re not alone. The bad news is that limiting beliefs like the ones above are just that: LIMITING. They’ll prevent you from meeting your man, meeting good men (and they do exist!) and prevent you from being happy.
If you’ve lived through one of the above beliefs and that experience is your evidence that it’s an absolute truth (rather than simply YOUR truth based on that experience), it’s easy (and convenient) to assume that it is the absolute TRUTH. In fact, when you hold onto these beliefs as THE TRUTH, you’re essentially living in the past–which makes it impossible for you to be in the moment and get to your exciting future. So how can you change these beliefs so you can be on your way to meeting those good guys who live in your city and want to date a strong, successful woman like yourself? 1. Remember a time when you met a man who was interested in you. Remember that he was interested in YOU: not your money, or that he thought you were too old. Reflect on that. Simply asking yourself “How true is that belief, REALLY?” can help you realize that it isn’t an absolute. This wake-up call question can bring you back to the present and the understanding that it’s not an absolute truth.
2. The past is the past. Just because you met ONE man who was interested in dating younger women, it doesn’t mean that ALL men are interested in dating younger women. There’s a butt for every chair; you just have to find the right one for you. In fact, if you hold onto your need to be right about your limiting belief, it may actually keep you stuck in attracting exactly what you don’t want. You’ll continue to draw proof of your beliefs to you, making you right. The question to ask yourself is “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” Stop dragging the past into every interaction. Create new rules for yourself, then live into them each day.
3. Remind yourself that a belief isn’t necessarily a universal truth. Maybe you have friends in your peer group in successful relationships. How on Earth did they find love if there are NO GOOD MEN where you live? Collecting evidence of why your limiting beliefs only serve to keep you safe and stuck is critical to letting them go. Remember, you can’t simply think your way out of your thoughts; getting where the core belief came from and then disproving it will be essential to changing your beliefs for the long term.
4. Start throwing your beliefs out the window, one by one. Take a risk. Don’t immediately assume that a guy who wants to date you wants to be with you because of your income level. Let someone be interested in you. Be interested in him. Let situations unfold. Let go of control.
Explore what life looks like with a new set of beliefs, and you’ll soon find that the positive, happy and confident YOU will start collecting evidence of those new beliefs:beliefs that will ultimately put you in the path of Mr. Right sooner rather than later.