You’re happy with the direction your career is going, and that’s great! You’re in good shape, excellent health, and have a wonderful circle of friends: awesome! Do you still find yourself wondering why you haven’t caught the train that will bring true love into your life?
Chances are you’re among those strong, successful women who are being tripped up by a few limiting beliefs that are keeping them single. We suspect, then, that you might be one of of us in the Dating with Dignity community who’s guilty of “doing your life” and then waiting — or even hoping — for someone to waltz into your life. Have you ever thought to yourself, “Love will just happen“ or “This will work itself out”? Or, “If I just keep putting myself out there, then Mr. Right will bump into me at Starbucks”?
As much as that is a nice thought, you’re probably going to be rudely awakened when you wait, and wait, and wait, AND wait. After all, if 2013 was going to be your year and NOTHING has changed since December 2012, then perhaps it’s time to take a second look at your “wait and see” approach. But thinking that if you just keep on doing your version of Groundhog Day mixed in with a few girls’ nights out and catching up on work during the weekends to feel better going into the next week without examining what’s not working and building new skills in the relationship department? No, that makes it likely that you won’t get closer to your goal of a serious long-term relationship anytime soon.
So how can you get rid of this #1 thought that keeps smart, successful women “chronically single” and start making moves to improve your love life?
1. Give yourself a loving and RAW reality check. Think about how your beliefs have served you in your recent past. Has love “just happened?” (We’re guessing no.) Has your relationship status changed to reflect new love in your life, or has the box marked “single” been checked for awhile? Remind yourself that if something hasn’t worked in the past, it probably won’t work in the future.
2. Join a dating site or a group where you can expand your social circle. The simple act of creating a profile online, even if you don’t end up actively pursuing online dating, puts the energy into the universe that you are AVAILABLE. Not ready to get online? Find a club or class that meets regularly and start to notice if your dating “cab light” is even on. Who are you attracting? Are you feeling uncomfortable? Is it hard to motivate yourself to go each week, or are you excited about putting action into your intention to find love? Do you judge yourself? Are you judging and evaluating others? Whatever comes up for you — negative or positive — the good news is that you’ve arrived at a starting point. Merely isolating or staying stuck in a social rut doesn’t allow you to truly see what’s working and what’s not. And if you do meet someone fabulous, then we can confidently say that it just took a little action to get your love life into gear. If not, then you now have some deeper work to do that can, once resolved, open up your heart to dating in a brand new way.
3. Work on your negotiables and non-negotiables to figure out if you need to adjust anything to attract the right person into your life. Are you too picky? Are you afraid that you have to settle and have given up on having expectations? Or do you meet someone and jump into seeing him as who you want him to be rather than recognizing that you may not know the “real” deal until three months into the relationship? We suggest you sign up with one of our dating coaches if you need that little extra nudge.
4. Do self-analysis on the parts of your life that you need to improve. Start with yourself. If it’s dieting that you need to work on, talk to a nutritionist or sign up for a new fitness class; get friends to join you! The bottom line is that we know that in order to attract an amazing man and become perpetually irresistible, you have to release the patterns, beliefs, thoughts and actions that keep you stuck in a romantic rut. Next, it’s time to fall in love with you and design a robust life you absolutely love (single or not); only then can you start to date with dignity. Following this secret formula will ensure you get out of “waiting for love to find me” mode and into action!
5. Get a partner to join you. If you have another single friend, it will be easier to get yourself out there. Go to the speed dating event you’ve seen flyers for. If you need to tell yourself it’s for “research purposes” or even to make new friends, go ahead! Making sure you rid yourself of the women in your life who are consistently Debbie Downers is an important part of dating with dignity. Sometimes even your best of friends can unconsciously sabotage your efforts to change it up because they’re afraid you will change without them. Hold yourselves accountable to make sure that another month, quarter and year doesn’t accidentally slip by. Just Get. Yourself. Out. There. Stop waiting for love to just show up. Make it come to you.
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