Aloha Dignity Daters, and welcome to the “Meet Your Man 2013 Challenge – 3 Steps to Tell the Difference Between a Player and the Guy Who Is Looking For Love!” Woot to the Woot Woot!
Here’s the deal: 2013 is the year of a new you. If you’re over falling for the same types of men and feel like your relationships in 2012 (and prior) always seem to be going nowhere fast, then the New Year is the best time to take a fresh approach! Forget “The Rules”. Say goodbye to your go-to date on a lonely Saturday night: work. And challenge yourself to meet your man in 2013.
I know dating is not always easy, and that’s why I’m arming you with everything you need to reinvent the way you date, so you can finally meet a man who is truly ready for an awesome relationship with YOU. There are just three simple steps you need to follow on your way to the new “super” you — the you who will finally attract the men you want, not the guys you’re used to getting.
And the first step is… drum roll please…
Step One: Get Some Serious Mojo Going In the Self-Love Department.
Men love women who love themselves, and that means if you want to meet your man this year, you have to say no to being the “cool” girl.
After reading Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn this holiday season, it reminded me of one of the most tragic dating urban legends today: the cooler you are, the more men will want you to stick around. The character Amy describes it best:
I was the “cool girl” – the perfect girlfriend, not whiny, dependent, jealous or easily offended, beautiful without seeming to primp. A cool girl seems to be invulnerably confident. That is, she recognizes that the cool girl thing is a role, a construct. A woman can play that role so well that it lets her manipulate men. But implicit in that passage, if I can articulate it succinctly, is this sense that playing the role is also oppressive because it is, in fact, never sustainable.
That said, if you continue to find yourself in relationships that have a three-month expiration date because you can’t sustain being “cool” (The mere crumbs he dishes out ultimately just aren’t enough), or you feel like you’re the one who’s constantly in pursuit while endlessly trying to interpret his every word and behavior, or you’re always working harder to make the relationship work than he is, it’s time to take a step back.
The first step you must make in 2013 is recognizing your self-worth. You don’t have to be the “cool” girl to be attractive. In fact, relationship ready men are actually turned OFF by the “cool” girl. They are, however, attracted to women who have the chutzpah to say no, set boundaries and know what they want from a man. And once you realize how great you are even though you’re not perfect (nobody is!), then take steps to make those changes and start appreciating yourself.
Because at the end of the day, Dignity Daters, the best way to get into a good relationship, or marry an amazing guy, is to realize you deserve it.
If you find that you are acting like the “cool” girl by saying you don’t care that he doesn’t want a relationship, or letting him cancel on you repeatedly, stop right there. Being confident in who you are is so important in dating and in life. Don’t act like you don’t care that your man only calls you after 10 p.m., or that he only asks you out on dates that involve watching movies at his house.
If you think that every guy is looking for a low maintenance girl, one who doesn’t make a big deal out of anything, you are mistaken. A relationship ready guy (not a player) is looking for a confident girl who will alert him if he’s not meeting her needs. Getting back to compatibility is such a powerful way to move forward in your relationships and if you can harness your self-worth, see the good in YOU and communicate your needs, you will confidently attract positive energy and relationship ready guys in 2013.
And if you’re feeling brave, leave your thoughts on day one of the “Meet Your Man Challenge” in the comment box below. Tell me how the “cool girl” mentality shows up in your life, and what you’ll do this year to get some serious mojo going in the self-love department. 
And a little bonus for you…
If you want to take the challenge one step further and be way more sexy, savvy and confident with men, don’t forget to grab the V.I.P. coaching at home DWD fan favorite – The Super Me System, your personal blueprint to becoming the most super version of YOU. This week only, in honor of the “Meet Your Man 2013 Challenge: 3 Steps to Tell the Difference Between a Player and the Guy Who Is Looking For Love!”, we’re offering 25% off The Super Me System! If you’re serious about the “Meet Your Man 2013 Challenge”, The Super Me System will practically guarantee your success this year. Grab yours here!
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I too still play the coool girl even if i care but don’t show it . I don’t why I do that ! maybe because I am not used to voicing out my needs . there are changes I want to make but my problem is I don’t know how to tell him to do this or that ; for example , we communicate every one month or two weeks /distance .I know communication is vital in relationships but how do I tell him that ? I think I’m afraid he will hurt me (like before when we were still casual but now exclusive ) and I HATE to argue with anyone not only him .
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the “cool girl” mentality! A lot of times an aversion to confrontation will lead us to put on our cool girl faces. From your letter, it sounds like you’re not getting your needs met and he’s not communicating with you as much as you would like. Here’s a great way to start this conversation next time the two of you talk: “Hey John*, I love having these conversations with you and getting to know you. It’s been really great, and it would make me really happy if we could talk even more. What can we do to make that happen?” This way you’re not criticizing him and you’re making him a part of finding the solution. In ALL relationships you risk getting hurt, but you have to make yourself vulnerable and voice your needs. Let me know how this works out for you. BIG hugs, Marni
I understand where you are coming from, Stone. Great advice Marni. My Partner has told me that he doesn’t ever want to get married again and that he is happy with how things are going for us just as they are. Distance with us too so we see each other for a weekend each fortnight usually. He’s never around to help out with the work side of things here though I’m a very busy person with a fulltime job and a home business. When he does come here, we see his family (sometimes it may be mine as well) and then he heads back home. When I visit his place, I help out a lot and because it’s more isolated, we don’t visit others. It’s like I’m in a relationship in that we share a bed for a couple of nights a month but not in a relationship where I feel supported in any other way. I too, don’t know how to tell him that I want more…but I really do want more.
Hey Jaycee. Thanks for commenting! Your situation sounds really painful and the only way to make it better is to be vulnerable and communicate with him about how you’re feeling. You can use the same kind of script I gave Stone, but change it for your situation. Good luck and keep visiting datingwithdignity.com! Big hugs, Marni
This is wonderful advice and something I really need to pay attention to. I too was under the impression that “cool girls” are what guys are looking for– the no drama, low-maintanance chicks that make a guy’s life easy–but that’s not the case.
You can be low-maintenance, no drama (assuming this is also true to who you are) but simultaneously still pay attention to whether your needs are being met and if they aren’t, voice them.
That said, what do you think about coming across super sweet in an email? I do that because I feel guys like girls who are sweet and nurturing (and it’s part of who I am) and I want him to see that. At the same time however, I fear it comes across too eager and desperate–like a girl who’s over-the-top nice in order to get in with the “cool girls”.
I really want to be in a relationship but I don’t want to come across too eager and obvious– how do I find that balance? How do I keep the chase going but still be kind and sweet?
Hi Savannah! Thank you so much for commenting. As long as you’re being authentic you don’t need to worry about coming across as too eager and obvious. Men can tell when you’re not being real, so make authenticity your goal and you’ll be fine! And no more cool girl! Big hugs, Marni