Hear Katie’s Dating With Dignity Love Success Story
Read The Love Success Story Interview Transcript
Marni: Hi. This is Marni Battista from Dating with Dignity, and I am so thrilled to introduce to you to one of my most favorite Dating with Dignity success stories, Katie Sampson-Burton. Katie, thank you first of all for being here. Hoping that you can inspire and give help to someone out there who needs free help when it comes to love.
Katie: My pleasure. I’m glad to be here.
Marni: All right! So my official question is that you are in a relationship now, but the truth is—you are married now and you’re actually pregnant. So, would you tell everyone how did you meet your amazing husband Ryan?
Katie: Actually, the first time I went to see Marni , I was recently broken up with a boyfriend I had for about a year and a half. I originally started to see Marni in hope to get this particular boyfriend back. And it’s interesting that through all the work that we did early on, we found out that that relationship wasn’t really going to work for me even if we have renewed it. And it allowed me to kind of open my eyes and take a look at the type of people I was attracting and what I was bringing into my life compared to what I was looking for. So, through a couple of different sessions that we had and some things that I started to use in my everyday life… In a general/normal situation I was at a friend’s house and my now-husband had gone over to a barbeque and I was put into a situation that I’ve probably been in a million time, but I took a different course of action. When something occurred at a party, I normally am very independent and want to do things all on my own and not accept help from people. And in this particular circumstance, we were having lunch and I was eating a hamburger and a dog ran by and knocked it on the ground. And this wonderful man said, “Hey, take half of my hamburger and have everything you put on it except for tomato.” (Because apparently he was behind me in line and had seen what I put on it.) And instead of saying “No no no, I’ve got it, I’m fine,” I actually accepted the gift of help from him and that kind of sparked some conversation.
We kind of grew from there, and now we’re married and expecting our first child. So all went perfectly as far as I can see, and I’m in a position that I’ve never been in before and in a relationship. I’ve never been happier before. It’s a lot of hard work and it is work every day, but I’m really happy.
Marni: I love that story. Every time I hear it, it makes me smile. So you said in the beginning that you came to me because you were in a bad relationship and you wanted it back. But before that, what was your dating and your relationship life like prior to Dating with Dignity? What was a short version of your history?
Katie: I had lots of relationships. I was in and out of relationships consistently. Once I broke up with someone, I had someone new almost immediately. I had to find someone right away. The new soul mate: there we go. I was married at 25 and divorced at 28. But I had met that person when I was 18 in college, [and] that was a 10-year relationship. And after we divorced, I would have boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. And the pattern I had created – we call it the vicious cycle – now that I kind of see it from myself, was that I was the independent: the breadwinner. I dated younger men who I felt dominant over, yet I was unhappy when they were not the “men” in the relationship. But little did I see, I was projecting things that weren’t really allowing someone to take that role because of how I was acting and things I was doing. I was pretty much getting what I was putting out there because of the way I was acting, although I did not see that at the time.
Marni: So powerful! So, when did you decide that enough is enough; “I’m tired of getting the same results and besides making an investment because it’s a big deal”? What was that turning point when you decided to do that?
Katie: I think it was when I was married and divorced. I moved across the country. I had gone through a couple of boyfriends; now I had this one that I had for a year and a half. And I thought, although the relationship wasn’t perfect, I could probably keep working on it and make it work. And this was going to be who I was probably going to marry, and [I was] thinking this was it. I was 30 years old and wanted to have a family. And when that relationship imploded and didn’t work out, I felt very frustrated, very worried that my dream of having a family was going to maybe not come to fruition: that I was getting older and maybe I wouldn’t ever find somebody that was the right match for me because it just hadn’t been working.
I can get so much advice from friends and family, but a lot of my friends were going through the same thing I was going through. And their advice and their responses to issues in their relationships were similar to what I was already doing. So I wasn’t getting any newer, fresher, helpful advice. And actually a co-worker of mine knew of Marni and a networking group that they were in, and she said, “I think you need to talk to this person.” And reluctantly, probably, I said, “Okay.” In a way, I’ve always been the person who accepts help, accepts coaching. I know I didn’t learn everything there is to know about life in grade school, middle school, high school, and college. They don’t just teach you life skills; and if I need help, I need to find it. And it’s definitely something I have to invest in. It was not the least of expensive thing I have ever done in my life. But I can say that it’s the most valuable thing I’ve ever gotten for the amount of money that I’ve spent. I couldn’t quantify a dollar amount to place on what I received compared to how happy I can live my life. And when I look at this person who I get to be with every day and the gratitude I have for that, there was not really a price you can put on it.
Marni: That’s amazing! You just made my day, Katie. That’s really inspiring, really cool. So, let’s get down to the reality of life. Is there a time you learned through your work with Dating with Dignity that has actually helped you, save you with relationships—something tangible?
Katie: It happens a lot. I think one of the main things – one of the basic things that we do over early on, which is the victim: “Do you feel like a victim?” Are things happening to you, or do you actually feel like you’re creating your life. And I think that rings true in my work life, in my family life, in my relationship, and in everything. Because it’s natural for a lot of people—at least it’s natural for me—to start going about life, getting into the daily routines. You get so caught up in all the little things you have to do, and something will go wrong. And then something else will go wrong or you have an angry client at work or you have someone mistreat you in a parking lot at a grocery store or take your spot or whatever it is, and you think, “How could this all be happening to me? Why is this happening to me?” Instead of having some empathy for other people… I don’t know; maybe the lady who took my parking spot was having a bad day, [and] maybe she deserves it more than I do. I’m just going to go about it. I’m not going to let it bother me. I’m going to create my own happiness. It relieves stress and puts your mind in a positive place, and that positivity attracts good things.
And I’ve seen it happen over and over and over and over in my work relationships and my relationship with my parents and siblings and the relationship I had with my husband. There’s so many times where maybe he is sitting on the couch playing video games instead of helping with the laundry. And instead of me screaming at him because I’m like, “How could he be doing this to me??? Hasn’t he realized that I’m holding the laundry?”, I would sit down and say, “Hey, babe. I know you’re relaxing because you had a hard day at work, but I really need help” And I can express my feelings to him: do it in a non-confrontational way where I have empathy. You know what, he probably had a hard day and is relieving some stress, and that’s good for him, he probably doesn’t realize that I’m annoyed that he’s not helping do X, Y and Z. So, I’m not going to be mad at him about it. We’re going to talk about it and have it resolved. It’s hard to do; it’s hard to remember to do that because instantaneously your mind will revert back to how you’ve been for me for 30 years. But if you practice the message, it really will change your life.
Marni: I love that! And you mentioned your work relationship, and I think you ended up now with getting a great relationship in your family. And also you’ve got a few surprises too from all of these skills that you learned.
Katie: Absolutely. I’ve a sales position, so, sales is tough. You can always think, “I’m not getting sales and somebody else is.” You can always be the victim of why things aren’t going your way. It’s easy to fall into that, and so many people do. And to have a different attitude and to go about things in a different way will change your perspective. It has always (at least recently) turned a lot of my business and my stress, and I thought about my job around it, so I’m more happy.
Marni: I love that. So, if you’re going to tell women if they’re thinking about working with Dating with Dignity and a little curious about it, what would you say? Any parting words and wisdom?
Katie: I have recommended this to anybody that I know that is going through a situation where they feel stuck, they feel like they’re not getting what they want, they’re in transition, and they feel like they’re going to be alone and they’re never going to find somebody. I feel like that’s not true; that’s not the case. It doesn’t have to be the case. Number one, you have to want to accept the help that Marni would provide to you. If you’re not going to put in the work and actually practice the tools that she provides, you won’t be successful. But if you go into it with an open mind and you’re having your sessions with her and outside the sessions you think about it, and you’re quiet through your everyday life, it can be the best gift you can ever give yourself in your entire life. At least that’s what it is for me.
I don’t often go around buy[ing] purses and clothes and shoes. I gave myself one huge gift one time, and that was the gift of talking to Marni. And that to me has been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself, because now I know I’m going to live 30, 40, maybe 50 more years of happiness… and I didn’t think I’ll ever have that.
Marni: That’s amazing! Thank you so much, Katie! I just adore you, and I’m so happy for you and your family that you’re creating. And I really appreciate you sharing yourself, for being so transparent so that you can inspire other women who are feeling helpless and give them a hope that they can find the love that they deserve. Thank you so much for being here.
Katie: Absolutely. Thank you.
Marni: Alright. Bye, Katie!
Are You Ready To Ditch Your Romantic Rut, Too?
You heard it in Katie’s story: in order to get different results in her love life, she had to try something different. And for us busy women, we don’t want to waste our time trying just anything. We want results and we want them fast. This is why women who are successful at everything but long-term, romantic relationships come to Dating With Dignity — we help you ignite your love life sustainably!