Hear Scott’s Dating With Dignity Love Success Story
Marni: Hey, this is Marni Battista from Dating with Dignity, and this is one of my favorite parts of my job where I get to talk to Dating with Dignity success stories. And this one really warmed my heart because I worked with a handful of men and I love my men because they’re fun; they’re really coachable and they have incredible results. And that is why Scott Jacobs is on the line with me right now. Hey, Scott!
Scott: Hey, how are you doing?
Marni: I’m so happy to talk to you! You have been on quite an incredible journey and you are actually engaged to get married this year, 2013. So, tell us about your relationship. How did you and your fiancée meet?
Scott: Actually, it was about two weeks or so after my last session with you, and I was completely centered and at a point where I was just like…you know. I’m in such a great place right now. I just want to keep meeting people, just have fun and just be me and just live and not have to worry about “I need to find a girlfriend. I need to find a girlfriend” because that really wasn’t a focus anymore. It was just about having a good time and living my own life. A buddy of mine was throwing this “Chicago Day in L.A.” party where we were going to head to a bar out in Anaheim and watch the Chicago Bears versus the Packers game and go to Portillo’s and Buena Park, which is a huge Chicago eatery that was brought out here. One of the few things that Chicago has when I was in California! And then after that we’re going to go to a Chicago Black Hawks Softee, and I am Dutch. And while at the bar, there was this girl, her name is Lauren—my fiancée now: spoiler alert. I was driving in with a friend and we saw this girl in a Chicago Bear’s hoodie, and I kind of saw what she was all about and everything. I turned to my buddy and said, “Oh look, a typical L.A. girl wearing Chicago stuff and all about up and go to a Bear’s game.” As it turned out, that same girl ended up being my friend—like best girl friend. His name is Greg. Greg and Lauren were college best friends and are still best friends.
So, Lauren was there. She just happened to sit next to me and I was just like, “Okay, she’s actually really cute!” I kind of look passed the first impression that I had, and we started talking and she was showing off her beautiful 3-year-old daughter. So at that point I was flirting a little bit; that’s what guys do. And I see the 3-year-old daughter. I didn’t really know her at all, so I was figuring if she was married then I just kind of a put the brakes on. We kept a fun conversation, then she ran off and I was hanging out with Greg’s brother and catching up with him and playing darts or whatever. So we really didn’t talk that much because of time, but she definitely caught my attention. Then going along with my whole spiel and I just wanted to hang out with people.
And later on in the day as the Bears were letting on the Packers into the playoffs, I am sitting there, making jokes and this guy comes up—these drunk guys—and said something like, “Y’all going to the Dutch game?” “Yeah, but are you drunk? Are you driving?” “Yeah, I’m totally driving” I said, “Great! Let us know when you leave so we know not to go on the road.” And it was a lot funnier in the moment, but Lauren heard it and we totally had this cliché Hollywood moment where everything around us just kind of disappeared, and it was just us in the room and we locked eyes for like five minutes when it was probably two seconds. Then my interest really piqued.
We said our goodbyes and everything. She didn’t go to the hockey game, and later that night she sent a Facebook message to my friend and I. But I kind of have that feeling that this message was really just to me, saying “I hope to see you guys again, it was so much fun meeting you and blah blah blah.” Then I started hitting up my buddy, Greg, and trying to get details. She was never married, she has a daughter but the guy is really not in the picture. Marni, she was trying to extend my horizons and everything and I’d be so picky and choosy and always good to have the ideas of someone you want to be with. She was really nice and I just figured, well I’ve never dated a single mom before and she was nice, and let’s give it a shot. So we started talking a lot more and we were having those two-, three-hour phone calls a night and we really started just clicking and we learned more about each other and I was really starting to pick this girl. And I just decided you know what? All in! Let’s do it! And we decided to set-up a date just to get together and definitely not, I normally would have done things and she ended up coming over to my place. I was going to make breakfast and we are going to watch the Chicago Bears/Seatte Seahawks Game. So, it was definitely a little more forward than a coffee date, the more real tea, and more pressure situation. But it was just kind of a like let’s-just-do-it-kind-of-felt-right.
But the crazy thing about our situation is that literally the night before we’re supposed to get together, we were talking on the phone and I find out through Greg that Lauren’s mom went to the same high school that my mom did, and they’re kind of the same age. This is going to be weird. I texted Lauren. I said, “Hey, does your mom know my mom?” Lauren gave my mom’s name and her mom flipped out. We ended up finding out that not only did they go to high school together, they were good acquaintances. They were at junior high and elementary school together. They grew up literally a block and a half from each other. Our aunt and uncle played house together when they were kids, and our grandmothers were Girl Scout leaders together. We like had this moment when we were just like, “Oh, my God.” And we just kind of broke the ice a little bit and said, “Well, at least we have the approval of our Jewish mothers without having to meet them. Hahaha!” I know it’s a long story but…
Marni: That’s unbelievable! No, it’s a great story. It’s interesting. It’s really great. Here is the thing. One is, there are lots of great men out there in the world: men like the guy we’re looking for a great relationship and to really get to know someone and not put their situation first. I think that’s really amazing. And the other thing is you have that breakfast date and you adults are connecting. You are talking on the phone, and I really love the story. And the third thing…the teaching point even in here is, when you are out loving your life, when you’re doing the things that you love, you meet like-minded people. So, Lauren’s out, doing her Chicago Day in L.A. In Chicago, Midwest values, you’re out there doing the same thing—it’s a really great way. I love that you told it.
These women who are probably listening, we all love the details. Now, tell me how was your relationship life like before Dating with Dignity?
Scott: I was pretty much a slave to the whole Internet dating world, to the point where I always say, “If I only knew what I was doing way back when we saw AOL where people would search for other people in the area by location and age and all that jazz.” Before online dating was a thing, I would have been a millionaire. I did Jaded, I did Match. I was going to try eHarmony but I got rejected because I didn’t have any matches for me. The whole bar scene wasn’t my thing because I was too shy of a person. And I tell Lauren all the time, “If I would have just seen you at a bar – not in a social, mutual friend, party atmosphere – I would never approach her because she’s so beautiful and I’ve always been intimidated by all of that. The bar scene was never my thing; I was very much all about Internet dating. What essentially got me to search out help finally… thankfully I was introduced to you as I was noticing a pattern that I do. And that pattern was I would find someone online and we would connect, have fun, and within a month or so I would either get bored and ran away. Or I would get too invested. I would fall really hard, and then the girl wasn’t just in to it at all. And then I end up getting hurt. This ended up happening to me right before I came to you. I went out on a few dates with this girl and was totally falling for what she stood for, not who she was. And totally approaching the situation completely wrong: saying things, doing things that should never even come up because a) having only met someone online and b) only knowing them for a week and a half or two weeks. I got too invested because I felt that I was not good enough for anybody because the moment anyone showed me a sign of attention I ran to it, and she crushed me because I was deemed too affectionate for wanting to see her too much. I smothered her, but then I was completely crushed. I was like, “What the hell is going on? This is two weeks, dude.” Doing this, that’s when I realized I always was doing something along those lines. I think it’s time for life coaching or those relationship/dating advice. This has got to stop. Otherwise, I was never going to break this pattern. And that’s when I was introduced to you.
Marni: What I love about that is that you have the insights to really know that it was a pattern that nearly formed the romantic rut. And that you realize you kept doing it again and again, making that decision to stop. When you think about the role that you walked away with, what really changed for you?
Scott: What changed for me with working with you is, I went in wanting just relationship advice and dating advice. How can I be approaching things differently? And I remember even saying to you within our third or fourth session something like, “I love the advice. Your dating advice is so spot-on.” And obviously, being a woman you knew what women were thinking. But meeting with you isn’t necessarily revolving around the dating world as it is, just around life in general. What I think more from was you… in addition to the dating advice was just the life coaching and how to approach life differently and how all the choices we made make a difference. You can get yourself centered. I can’t remember the exercise we did exactly, but somewhere along the lines of being in a space and thinking of yourself in a small circle, and then taking a step forward and start envisioning yourself and empowering yourself to be taking up more space. More or less focusing on myself and not worrying about how it is just to get a girlfriend. In my opinion that’s what it’s about; it’s about looking internally and you helping me to get to that point and realize I have to really turn 180 and look into myself. You helped me get there and become empowering of my own self, and I just love how you showed me to be a better version of me. This interview would go on for an hour if I try to recall every single thing I took in training. Because there really isn’t one thing to take away from what you gave me because they’re stepping stones. Each element that you gave each session always reverted back to what we talked about the session before, and we just kept building on that and extending on it. I hope that answers the question.
Marni: I think what’s really cool that you pointed out really well is when you came to me in this place is someone is interested in you, so you take the attention. That lack of esteem, of confidence, and self-love. You end up a few months later, and here you are in this really confident place really just wanting to connect and have a good time. And that’s the place where you meet for love of your life. And that’s typically what happens. What’s cool is, it can happen. It doesn’t take 10 years to do it. You did it in three or four months, and I think you articulated it beautifully. So thank you!
Marni: Okay. So, one other question. Is there any specific time that something that you learned about yourself or tool that you learned? How has it helped you in your relationship or helped you to take it to the next level and be who you wanted to be in a relationship?
Scott: Honestly, the biggest thing was to just not run away and revert back to my old self. Because any challenge that’s worth fighting for is going to be scary. And what’s amazing about my relationship with Lauren is our communication. We don’t fight, I mean of course we bicker about little things here and there. We’ve had maybe one serious fight but even then, they’re not fights. We’re just trying to better our relationship and understand each other. But I would say the biggest thing for me is focusing on just being who I am now and realizing who I am and not trying to ruin our way because I’ve certainly has hit the same milestones with my relationship with Lauren that I’ve hit before. But before, I would always say, “I’m good. I’ve got my fill, went on some dates, had some fun, whatever, and alright, onto the next one”. From the very beginning I know that there is something so special about Lauren and then once her daughter and I started hanging out, because I took things a little faster in that category because her daughter was getting sick a lot. And I realized, well, if I don’t meet her daughter soon then I’ll never see Lauren at all cause of her daughter. Her daughter enriches my life in ways that I never thought could happen and of course, dealing with the life change there. Just finding the balance, there’s definitely been a lot of walls that we’ve broken down together and Lauren and I just.. we communicate, we talk, and we’re very open. Maybe not right away, she’ll push and push until I finally open up and I’ll do the same with her and we just kind of a conquer our typical walls that we encountered. And just kind of keep moving forward. Stuff has been scary but she’s truly the love of my life and she makes me a better person. It’ll be great once we can finally move in together because she lives down an urban and up in a studio city so for two years we’ve essentially been in a long distance relationship. Certainly not as challenging as I know a lot of couples are out there who are airplane ride away. We’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve never given up on each other and that’s been the most gratifying and challenging thing.
Marni: That’s amazing. And that happens with women as well as men is, you know, you get to a certain point where if you don’t have the support of the confidence or the communication skills we go back to those old default tendencies and fight or flight. So, that’s awesome. So, that’s exciting. I want to meet someone like Scott and all the men were like, “Wow, you guys together are totally happy. I want to be like that!” So, you’re totally inspiring everyone. Alright, last thing, what would you tell someone who is curious about working with Dating with Dignity came to the site, they set the time to listen to this, what would you say to that person?
Scott: I would say, if you’re ready to put the time in and you’re ready to take the stand for yourself and really take charge of your life, then working with Marni and Dating with Dignity will be the best decision for this current chapter of your life. So that you can get ready to start your next chapter healthy and be on the right path and I would say that people aren’t doing the service for themselves if they don’t come to you. And we didn’t even work that long together, the grand scheme of things. We worked together for 10 weeks and they were intense. I would still love to be working with you because we’re never finished products. But what I’m saying is that if you’re ready to put the effort and really take the time to listen and work, it’s not about the quantity, it’s totally about the quality. And that is all that you’re about, Marni. It’s all about the quality and you’re just there to help people when they need it and that’s why your business is successful. You command the clientele that you can because the people that are really wanting to work are ready to work with you.
Marni: I love that vow, that was really well said. Thank you so much! I personally love catching up with you. And you are such a great man and what a lovely story. And I’m so happy for the both of you. I cannot wait until I get to see the wedding pictures. And congratulations! Mazel tov!
Scott: Thank you very much! I asked Lauren how she would feel about me talking and she loved it. I love sharing our story, I mean, I would love to talk for another hour and talk about what it’s been like on my journey and life changes from being a single man to taking on a family. Her daughter has started calling me Dad, which just warms my heart to no end. There’s so much more to say but I can’t thank you enough for putting me on the path that you did and just showing me the way.
Marni: Awesome. Alright, next time. Well, thank you so much. Let’s get you on the man panel live soon and you can tell the story to a live group cause you are certainly inspiring everyone and I really appreciate it.
Scott: Well, thank you very much. I will look forward to that.
Marni: Alright, thanks, Scott so much. Buh-bye!
Scott: Thanks, Marni. Take care!
Are You Ready To Ditch Your Romantic Rut, Too?
Scott’s success story is a great illustration: in order to get different results in her love life, he had to try something different. And for us Type-A, goal-oriented people, we don’t want to waste our time reading books that aren’t relevant to our specific hangups. We want results and we want them fast. This is why men and women all over the world who are successful at everything but long-term, romantic relationships come to Dating With Dignity — we help you ignite your love life sustainably!