Marni Battista, Featured In Cosmo August 2012
Can you flip a player?! It’s one of the most commonly asked questions at Dating With Dignity and it comes from this place of ultimately wanting to know if you can change something that is starting to feel REALLY bad. After all, if you were OK with how it was going you wouldn’t be combing the internet and reading self help articles to figure out a way to make dating a guy who treats you poorly — or less than you really want — somehow a good choice.
So, is it possible to turn a womanizer (we call this kind of Manimal a “Hunter” at Dating With Dignity) into a committed boyfriend and partner? The answer, I’m afraid, is not so simple. The bottom line is that there is a trick to seeing if he is worthy of waiting for. Here’s how it’s done:
1. Players are afraid of losing their freedom, and thus when you give them an “ultimatum” it reinforces their belief that having you as a girlfriend would be a living hell (well, at least when you aren’t having sex). That said, the first step to determining if he is “flippable” is to ask a simple question while your scratching his back or running your fingers through his hair. (e.g., not over the dinner table or prefaced by, “We need to talk.”) It might go like this: “I’m having such an amazing time hanging out with you Brad. You have really taken me to some cool places and I love that. I’m just curious about something. I know I’m in a place where I’m ready to be in a relationship. Where are you at with all of that?”
2. It’s important to emphasize that you are ready to be in a relationship — not necessarily a relationship with HIM.
3. Now, just shut up and let him respond. Women have a tendency to take up empty space by ranting on and on which completely ends up impacting your man’s ability to speak openly.
4. If he says any form of, “I’m really enjoying you too BUT….” then you have your answer.
Bottom line is this my friends: Men mean what they say and say what they mean. If he gives you a zillion reasons why you are “the greatest ever” and it’s followed by the reasons he isn’t in a good place to meet your needs, believe him and move on.
You can flip a player, but only if he is ready, able and willing!
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Sometimes women know they are with a player but they just choose not to believe. I have met at least 3 women who were my friends had a hard time with a player. Women should really listen to what men tell them instead of holding the hope that the man would change later.
Amen Tony! Very well said!!! Big hugs, Marni