As part of our special series for Men’s Health Week, enjoy this deep dive by James Wilson, Dating with Dignity’s Man Expert and Associate Coach, into understanding how embracing the “man cave” concept can help you win your way into your man’s heart for good.
Demystifying the Man Cave: Why Giving Your Man His Space Can Help You Win His Heart
One of the many fascinating differences between men and women is how we re-energize.
Women re-energize by being around lots of energy. Whether chatting with their girlfriends; participating in lively social gatherings; or enjoying music, movement, dance or brunch a la Sex and The City; women typically soak up the energy in these experiences, causing them to feel more alive, vibrant and connected.
It lifts their mood; and as a result, they may have new, fresh energy with which to approach their lives.
Men, however, are different. Remember, in the words of a great teacher in understanding men, Alison Armstrong, “Men are not hairy women!”
In fact, men re-eenergize in silence, in the space in-between; in short, men get energy from their caves.
As men, we’re generally less naturally in tune with our emotions and our intuition. And in order to get in touch with ourselves, to ponder new perspectives or creative ideas and reflect on possible solutions for our problems, we need silence in order to focus.
Any additional input (which to a woman would serve as inspiration and ignition) to a man functions only as a disturbing stressor. We’re built differently.
Neither way is right or wrong, better or worse. Nor should we all try to suddenly act as if we were all built the same and force something that isn’t natural. In fact, once you understand how your man is different from you, celebrate the difference!
The best way to win your man’s heart is not only to “allow” him time in his man cave, but, in fact, to encourage it! Whether it’s actually a physical space to which he retreats or the need to go for a drive, surf, hike or sit in a movie theater alone, remind your man that you’re okay with his doing what it takes to get his needs met in this way.
If you can grow to love the image of a man sitting on a mountaintop alone or with one of his brothers, silent and gazing into the valley below, because you know that in that moment he’s in touch with himself and the universe, it can help you truly create a powerful and intimate relationship.
In short, the Man Cave is sacred, and when you see this “cave” as a space in which he can go to ultimately become a better man and partner, then your relationship can soar.
James Wilson, CPC
- Male Expert Coach at DWD
James Earl Wilson, CPC, is an internationally renowned, award-winning performer and relationship coach. James functions as Male Expert Coach for Dating with Dignity, where he consults successful women and men on their path to find the love they desire and deserve. E-mail James here with your questions and comments!
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Thank you for two excellent columns.
Hi James, Very valuable write-ups! I appreciate your gentle reminder of what ought to be ingrained in me by now, but because as humans we always revert back to instinct so easily, it is good to have constant reminders of how to behave with the oposite sex. Thank you for your commitment to bring us closer and to understand each other better!