Here’s my problem: After a great first date, many guys say, “Would love to see you again.” We exchange pleasant emails back and forth, and I ask him to give me a call. I haven’t heard from him yet. Should I wait for him to call for the second date, or shall I call him if I don’t hear from him after a week?
So here’s the thing, ladies. First things first: DO NOT ask him to call YOU. A man who is truly “Boyfriend Material” and interested in pursuing a relationship with you will call you if he wants to see you again. Period. The tricky thing sometimes is that he may casually say he wants to see you again after your date, which feels awesome. This, however, is STILL a step removed from actually calling you to make plans.
I think we can all agree that men say what they mean and mean what they say. Dating sometimes has a bit of grey area—especially in the beginning stages—mostly because men might be afraid of hurting a woman’s feelings. So a man might say “I’ll call you” at the end of a date or ask what your plans are for the weekend, which is great. But he also might NOT call you to follow up, in which case you have a few choices.
You can wait patiently for him to get in touch with you and make a plan, or you can MOVE ON. (Again, do NOT ask him to call you!)
If you as a woman are asking yourself questions like “ Should I call him for the second date?” or “Well, that went well. I wonder why I haven’t heard from him yet…” or saying things like “ He emailed me after our date, and I asked him to give me a call,” you have two basic options:
1. Wait patiently and look forward to him to contacting you about a second date
2. Simply. Move. On.
Moving on is your best option if you’ve been waiting for more than a week, and it just may be a temporary move-on because he may show up in two weeks…or even three!
The thing is, if a man hasn’t made an effort to be touch with you to make another plan, he probably either
a. is thinking long and hard if he thinks you two are a good match;
b. is determining whether he is ready to give the AWESOME you what you really deserve; or
c. has already decided that you aren’t a match.
So when you decide make the choice to move on (which can include things like accepting that date offer you’ve been holding out on, going out with friends, taking a new class, planning a trip [essentially, living out your everyday happy life]), you are making ROOM for the next man who is going to show up and follow through. That man’s actions should match his words, and voila (!) you’ve just created the space someone new needs to enter your life.
So remember: If a man is interested in pursuing you and pursuing a relationship with you (READ: he is boyfriend material), or even if he just wants to spend time with you, he knows exactly how to do that. Alll YOU have to do is be ready to answer the phone or text.
– Written by Rose Burke, Dating With Dignity Staff Writer and Coach