How To Get A Commitment?
My mom used to say that if you give away the milk (e.g., love, laundry, sex and instant access) for “free” (e.g., without whatever commitment you want), the man will be less likely to buy the cow. (The cow in this metaphor was clearly me in my earlier days. Or, if this sounds familiar, YOU.) Was dear old mom right? The Census Bureau recently announced that 50.3% of American households now have an unmarried person at the head of the table: some are single and solo, others are partnered up but without a marriage certificate, some are living with friends or kids or whomever.
Whatever the scenario, this is the first time America has reported more marrieds-than-not. Does this shift represent the dawn of the new American family? I think not.
Most singles’ dreams seem still to be conventional. Despite these numbers, singles are digging in their heels. There are more dating sites than ever, singles groups are flourishing, and Google searches for dating advice are at an all-time high. In addition, television programs, films, advertisements and politicians are still quite “old fashioned,” encouraging folks to officially couple up.
That said, it’s up to YOU to decide how you want it to go down in 2014.
I teach my clients to really examine and OWN their real relationship goals. Do you want the whole kit and kaboodle when it comes to domestic partnership?Does your long-term vision include wedding bells and a traditional family structure? Or perhaps you’ve already walked down the road of betrothal and want to find a partner who will design the type of committed relationship that fits your goal.
Regardless, it’s imperative that you become exceptionally clear on your goal AND express it early on in the dating and courting process. Whether it’s on date two or date four, share this vision with your prospect in a way that makes it clear you aren’t necessarily asking him if he’s interested in the job.
For example, in a “getting to know you” conversation, you may tell him you’ve been reflecting recently and have conclued that you’re in a place where marriage and family are important to you; you’re ready to find the right partner. If marriage isn’t your thing, you could say, “I’m in a place in my life where marriage isn’t necessarily a priority, but I am looking for a lasting committed partnership.”
If that ship has already sailed and he’s been getting the milk for free, it’s time for you to have the conversation now to find out if you have common relationship goals. The truth may be that if you haven’t had the conversation and he’s enjoying the benefits of having a live-in girlfriend without the responsibilities of marriage, he may not even be aware that’s what you ultimately want. The man who is ready to upgrade your relationship will be able and willing to have this conversation, and from that point you can negotiate a plan of action. If he’s not, or he doesn’t want what you want, it might be time to put yourself in a different pasture and find the guy who’s willing to “pay” for the milk.
Ready to get serious about finding the right guy?
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