I’ve got a great date story to share from a while ago that is pertinent to many of the topics that come up today. So, I met this great gal on a project I was working on. There wasn’t enough time to get her number so we connected over Facebook. We tossed several FB messages back and forth and then there was an exchange of numbers. Later that week she dropped me a text that said, “Want to grab a drink tonight?” I was free, texted “Sure!” and that date was set. I was near her neck of the woods and admitted that I was a bit out of my element. Luckily she said she knew a groovy place for us to meet.
I get there a little early, grab a cocktail and within minutes she is joining me at the bar. The conversation is exciting and she is hitting upon some invigorating topics. She lights up the room as she shares her take on all things vocational, spiritual and political. She is pretty darn smart, well grounded and opinionated. I found myself sitting back and watching her show most of the night, but it was an exciting show, and it’s always fun to see someone getting carried away in passion and spark. As the conversation goes deeper, so do the drinks, and before I know it she is ordering the 4th round. Then she suggests we do a shot on the next one! At first I was a bit surprised, but then I found it sexy. This gal is asking me to man up and keep up with her, so my male machismo kicks in and I throw back a double of Jameson.
We get into our careers and she talks about the success she has been having the past two years and the financial freedom it has given her. She then suggests that I am not living up to my fullest potential and could be doing more with my career. Again, another surprise that gets me to pause, but I find it sexy that she is challenging me to be a better man. In my head I am thinking it’s a bit masculine and forward, but at the same time a little daring and provocative, in a sultry Lady Macbeth way.
I head to the bathroom while she orders one more round as the bartender calls out last call. On the way there I am thinking, “Oh Gosh, we’ve had quite a few rounds, and I wasn’t expecting to throw down some serious cash tonight. I was thinking one drink. But, she was ordering away, so what can ya do?” Well, I get back, and what do you know – she is sitting there, signing the bill that she just threw her AMEX down on.
“Whoa, what are you doing?! I got this!” I shouted out.
“Nonsense. You drove all the way here, so I pay for the drinks. Don’t worry, next time I will come to you and you can get the bill.”
I have to admit, I was finding her constant expression of masculine energy to be quite sexy, so I gave in again. We went to her car and with her aggressive nature, I was expecting that she would invite me back to her place. The hunter was starting to come out. Instead there was a ravenous kiss at the car and she said good night. Caught me by surprise. But I was excited. This gal is sexy, confident, and I have so much to learn from her. I could really see her pushing me to be a better business man and to move further in my career. She believed in me and I thought it was so sexy how she had done so well and believed in me doing well. In short, I was excited and game to move forward!
The next day, I call her to tell her I had a great time. The first thing she mentions on the phone is, “So are you asking me out for a second date?”And maybe it was because it was light out, or that we weren’t three drinks deep at the bar, or that we’re over the phone and not in person (men are visual, woman are audio), but the sexy Lady Macbeth fantasy came crashing down. I quickly thought, “Hold up, I am supposed to ask YOU out for the second date. I don’t need you to remind me or suggest it to me. I got this covered, thank you very much.”
But, what could I expect? I was playing along the whole time! There were a million Alpha Female signs all over the first date. Let’s review: she texted me, she initiated the date, she picked out the bar, she ordered the rounds of drinks, she challenged me to shots, she talked extensively throughout the whole date, she talked extensively about her career success, she challenged me to be better in my career, she paid for the drinks, and then she asked if I was going to ask her out for a second date. Now if my momentary state of feminine energy would have grown into a life long shift in energy, then she and I would probably be off to the races. We did have a great connection, mutual beliefs, mutual respect, and definite attraction. However, the truth is that she is a masculine lady who likes to take charge, drive the ship, take action, and adores a man who follows her lead and offers emotion, awareness, and love. And if you are a masculine energy guy, that is ridiculously sexy and arousing for one night, but for a potential relationship, it quickly deflates your sexual drive and immediately creates a neutral zone fit for a solid friendship.
So if you are a masculine guy, know what you want and beware of the ravenous attraction to a masculine energy woman. Odds are, it will be great sex, and that is it. Remember, opposites attract, and in order for a good give and take, you both need to fit into one another’s energy like a puzzle piece. And for the ladies, if you are a masculine energy lady, know that you must be open to a feminine energy man. If not, then beware of bringing that masculine energy you need to express at work to the date; be like Clark Kent, and leave the superwoman cape at the office. If not, you might wonder why all these masculine guys are not calling for the second date or just wanting to get in the sack.
In a new age of female CEO’s and stay at home Dads, the romantic world is turned upside down. As we play our brave new roles and pursue our relationships, it is imperative to take time to know ourselves and what we want. Trust me, it will save you oodles of time out there in the dating world and definitely lead to attracting the mate that you genuinely want and, most importantly, fit into like a 21st Century puzzle piece.
Christian co-hosts the Dating Den with Marni and is frequent contributor for Dating With Dignity blogs, retreats, and tele-classes. You can follow him on twitter @letstalkdating.