‘Tis the holiday season! Time to take out that little black dress – or red – or silver, put on that new shade of lipstick and go out on the town, hoping to meet a hot man at a holiday party who hopefully isn’t…gasp… TAKEN!
But as you grab for that gorgeous dress, you see something hanging next to it – something hard and ugly – the skeletons… you know the ones… the ones that have followed your around all these years making sure that whatever splashing impression you make gets sabotaged by the dark past.
You are likely afraid that those skeletons in your closet will turn him off – Well, not necessarily.
We all have a few skeletons lying somewhere in our closets in the form of emotional baggage – an iconic image that represents the weight of all the painful memories we carry on our shoulders everywhere we go. These skeletons come in all shapes and all sizes, from unrealistic expectations to problematic trust issues.
Oftentimes, we use the skeletons in our closet to build a cage around our hearts that will protect us from ever getting hurt again, but we also end up rejecting others from ever truly getting close to us. Is your emotional baggage doing you more harm than good? I guess that depends on what kind of man you are trying to attract into your life.
In my book, Understand Men Now, a woman’s guide to understanding men in relationships, I talk about six different types of men you will come across in the dating world. When it comes to emotions, most men try to avoid them like the plague, but some men may actually try to help you clean out your closet.
Here are six ways that a relationship-ready man might react to the skeletons in your closet:
1. If he’s a nice guy, he’s more apt to accept you as you are, flaws and all. He knows you have a few skeletons in the closet, but is willing to overlook them because he is kind, caring, and doesn’t mind helping you work through some of your issues, as long as it doesn’t stir up some of his own.
2. If he’s the bad boy type, he doesn’t really care how many skeletons are in your closet, as long as they are all in your closet and not his. He’s great to be around when you need a fun distraction from your issues, but he’s hardly the kind of person you can talk to about your feelings because he simply doesn’t care.
3. If he is somewhat of a Casanova, be forewarned that this kind of man will trick his way to your heart, pitting your skeletons against you and using them to his own advantage. If he seems too good to be true, it’s probably because he is. But if you do end up winning the heart of this guy, then he will be more than eager to come to your rescue and sweep you off your feet.
4. If a man has a few skeletons of his own hiding out in his closet, then it probably would not be wise to share yours with him. Sometimes a man will focus on or highlight your issues to avoid dealing with his own, but this will only end up creating more emotional baggage in the long run. It might be safe to avoid this kind of man altogether unless you don’t mind sharing a closet full of skeletons with him.
5. If he’s an intellectual type, know that this kind of man responds better to logic and reason than to feelings and emotions. The only kind of baggage this guy will consider taking on is a lightly packed carry-on, in which case he may feel so compelled to help you clean out your closet and bury those skeletons so that they don’t haunt you anymore.
6. If he’s an awakened man, he won’t hold your past against you, but he may hold it against you if you’re the type who likes to dwell on the negatives, which can be a total turn off for a guy. While the awakened man realizes and understands that emotional baggage is an unavoidable part of life, he may ask you to check your baggage at the door when it’s just the two of you. An awakened man would rather enjoy everything that’s good about you than focus on the bad.
Different kinds of men will react to the skeletons in your closet in different ways, depending on the woman. The more refined we become with age, the more likely we are to carry with us a few skeletons in the closet in the form of emotional baggage. The most important thing to realize is that these skeletons are only a turn off initially, because how well a woman carries herself despite adversity is what really defines her character in the eyes and heart of relationship-ready man.
You can learn more about the six types of men in relationships and why they commit by visiting my website at www.understandmennow.com and joining my email community.
Dating and relationship expert, Jonathon Aslay is a defender and protector of women’s hearts across the nation. He helps women transform from attracting Mr. Wrong into finding their Mr. Right through his heart centered, radical honesty coaching style. Jonathon is also a successful entrepreneur, speaker, and author of Understand Men NOW ~ the Relationships Men Commit to and Why and “ONLINE DATING SECRETS REVEALED,” where he teaches the Do’s and Don’ts of Internet Dating and helps women become date and relationship ready. You can learn about Jonathon’s other programs and opportunities he has created for women’s dating and relationship enlightenment on his website: www.understandmennow.com.