In working with women and men in 2011 who created big, sustainable results in their lives, it’s become apparent to me what “works” and what doesn’t in becoming what success coach Bob Proctor describes as a “Goal Achiever.” And before I go on (and because I know you’re interested in what kind of results I’m talking about), let me be specific…
Weight Loss – I have clients who have, in total, lost nearly 100 collective pounds without struggle, deprivation or really “trying” to lose weight
Career – The number of job promotions, increases in income and businesses that have been started are mind-blowing, including one client with a new, thriving business that doubled revenue last year. Of course, when each of these people came to work with me, their intention was merely to “find love.”
Confidence – I can say that each person who has worked with me in the past year – whether it’s been in a group coaching setting, the Relationship Rejuvenation Retreat, or private coaching – has created levels of confidence they had never before experienced. The payoffs that come from this confidence have included dating better men, enjoying the dating process, improved family relationships, feeling happier, and the ability to more easily weather the storm of emotions like fear, sadness and anger.
Long-term partnership – In 2011 four of my clients became engaged and two couple were married.Other clients have survived breakups, are having fun dating for the first time ever, and are truly enjoying life now that they’re free from the “if only I had a partner, then…” mentality.
So, in preparing yourself to become a “goal achiever” in 2012, I’m sharing with you an exercise you can do to become a woman who’s not merely “wishing for love but is willing to work at it. And last, before I finally dig in to the questions, there are some of you who may say, “I’ve done this type of work before. The truth is this: These things don’t work for me.”
There’s only one answer I have to this common question/comment: In order to get a different result, you must change either a thought, a feeling or an action. In this case, the belief you have that “these things don’t work for me” is limiting your ability to create new results. And so, from this point, we now dig into the questions to set yourself up to achieve all of your goals in 2012:
1. How willing, on a scale of 1-10 (10 being 100% willing), are you to give up your commitment to ALL the beliefs that limit your growth? For example, the belief that…
- you’re too old
- there aren’t any men in your age group who want to date women your age
- you’ve tried it “all” before and it doesn’t work for you
- the men on (insert website name here) aren’t your type
- online dating doesn’t work for you
- you put yourself out there, but there aren’t any good men left
- you’re too “fat”
- men are intimidated by your success
What are these beliefs? (Write down at least three). Once you make a list of all the beliefs you hold as truth, determine if you’re truly willing to release them in 2012. Next, make a list of what actions, thoughts and beliefs will replace these “old” beliefs and rules that have been guiding your thinking in 2011.
2. Of all the thoughts, feelings and actions listed above, what are three specific NEW actions, thoughts and beliefs you will choose to replace these “old” beliefs and rules that have been guiding your thinking in 2011? What kind of structure or systems will you create to help you practice this new way of thinking?
3. What are three goals you want to achieve in 2011 that can be measured externally? (e.g., a relationship, 10-lb. weight loss and maintenance, new revenue in your business, a promotion) What are three goals you want to achieve in 2012 in your “inner” life? (e.g., better relationship with you family of origin, breaking free of a romantic rut that leads you to consistently date the same “unqualified’ men, increased confidence, the ability to stay present more frequently)
4. In order to achieve the goals you set for 2012, what do you need to learn to make it happen? What change in thinking needs to occur? What new skills will you need to learn? Who will support you, and when will you ask for this help or set aside time to research the available options?