Time and time again, the men I interview and work with tell me that the number one thing they are attracted to (outside of physical attraction, which varies widely from man to man) is…drumroll please… CONFIDENCE!
Conﬁdence is such a subjective word. What does conﬁdence look like? What does it feel like? What is missing when you don’t feel conﬁdent? In order to create conﬁdence you uncovering who you are at your very core. Beneath all the masks you wear in hopes of ﬁtting in, being loved, getting approval, or coping with the ups and downs of life as an adult woman in the twenty-ﬁrst
century, there is a version of you that is real and is free from the dark voice of your “inner critic.” In order to discover the you that lives beneath the masks—the real you—it is important to look at the roles in your life in which you shine the brightest.
Discover Where You Shine
Whether it is as a parent, co-worker, employee, professional, sister, mother, daughter, volunteer, or friend, there are various places in which you are not afraid to play big. Think about what these roles are and note what is similar about them. Are there common threads? Why do you feel comfortable and conﬁdent in these roles? Is it because of the way you feel in this role, or is it the way you are treated by others when you are in this role? Perhaps it is a combination of both.
Discover Where Your True Self Hides
Make a list of roles in which you feel scared, afraid, and lacking conﬁdence. Why does your true self hide in these roles? What aspects of this role hold you back from being your true self? What are you afraid of? Becoming aware of the roles in which you shine and those that make you feel fearful or inadequate is an important step in discovering your authentic self, the “real you.” Once you begin to see the common threads in these roles, you can begin to explore ways to bring
the conﬁdent you to even those roles that make you feel awkward and unsure. Once you get comfortable being the real you in various situations, you’ll begin to see how you can better bring the you that must start at the beginning, shines to the dating table. It will not only increase your attraction factor, but also enable you to feel more authentic, happy, and whole.