There is no such thing as “stuck.” As you may know, at Dating With Dignity I often talk about how we get trapped by language. Here’s the good news. Try this on for size:
In truth, “stuck” is the exact, right space for me to be in, because there are lessons to learned RIGHT HERE, right NOW.
Holy wow! Imagine my surprise when I discovered this concept a few years ago when pondering why I was unsatisfied, afraid, and confused regarding the status of my relationship with Max, a teacher I had been dating for three months from San Francisco. Freed from thinking I was like a “truck stuck in the muck,” I invited “stuck” to really seep into my consciousness. I’m not stuck, I decided. In fact, this is an opportunity to grow. This is a new place for me. If I choose to expand; to move towards the “stuck,” I will ultimately move closer to what I truly want.
Then, I begin to literally envision myself magnetizing new, unknown information — drawing the lessons I needed to learn from this relationship towards myself. I asked the “still quiet voice” inside for guidance.
“Ok me,” I asked in a moment of morning reflection, grabbing the notebook from the nightstand to write down the answers. ”What lessons could I learn from this experience, these feelings?” I asked myself. “I’m here,” I went on, ”completely open to whatever you have for me. I am willing to receive guidance today.”
And then, I waited, hoping that when I stopped asking others, I would begin to hear the answers I had finally decided to ask myself.
Here’s what I discovered I needed to learn:
1. How can be vulnerable AND maintain healthy boundaries?
2. What are my beliefs about CHEMISTRY? What is it supposed to feel like? What is my criteria? Is it serving me, or is the definition I have too narrow?
3. How can I approach new challenges with a sense of curiosity and wonder, instead of judging myself as doing it “wrong,” or being “bad at relationship?”
A virtual treasure trove of opportunity was thus delivered via my relationship with Max. And then, suddenly, I became grateful. Appreciative. And most important, I rolled up my sleeves, so to speak, and began to dig into these questions wholeheartedly.
Ultimately, I chose to end that relationship. However, in doing the work in my relationship with Max, I discovered answers to these questions, and was then able to push forward to experience new levels of intimacy and learn what it means to find power and strength in vulnerability. I expanded my definition and beliefs regarding chemistry, redefined “edgy and have experienced “fire” in my current relationship in ways I have never before even imagined possible. And last, I am able to now explore new challenges that arise in my relationship with a sense of wonderment and curiosity, excited for the next level of growth.
Praise being “stuck!” Bring on the lessons! Invite new levels of learning into your life this week, and dare to expand far beyond the borders of the reality you are currently experiencing.