“It doesn’t matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn’t matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years — we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on.”
– Sharon Salzberg
Up until now it has been my way to keep on the To Do list hamster wheel without taking time to step back and appreciate the distance I’ve come. So, I am taking a minute today (all of this week, in fact) to acknowledge my growth. It has been a short time that I have been working to Ignite my Life and much has unfolded, unravelled, really in that time!…
I am happier, more content in myself as I walk out my Journey to where I want to be. The elusive “Where I Want to Be”, I realize, will be a shape shifting place forever more. As I get closer to that Place, my goals change, hopes and dreams alter slightly to accommodate the growing me. And in that space between where I am and where I am headed I see that there is beauty in the becoming rather than the destination. There is freedom there too- I’ve done away with the notion that my There is a finite, stagnant place meant to be hit like a target on a dart board.
I am more comfortable, at least more tolerant of the uncomfortability, even the uncertainty, of growth and the transitions that come with that process. I still get a bit itchy, and here and there even feel like I’m in a bit of free fall as my life and inner self change. I can tolerate the feelings now though! The fearful part of me that used to shy away from growth that was too big and uncomfortable can now stomach the process better. Amen! This, I think is the reason for all this growth.
I am putting my closer to First. Can’t say I’m quite at the top of my own list just yet, but I’m inching my way up every day. I am speaking up for myself (without a sense of combat) and acknowledging my feelings more frequently. Sometimes that means taking on some uncomfortability as my authentic feelings aren’t always congruent with those of the people around me. That’s ok. We can find the grey zone between us now.
I am becoming a more present parent, partner, human being. Not only am I present for others in a way I haven’t been before, I notice the same with myself. I can hear my own voice as a result of slowing down, being more single-focused as I move through our busy life. The multi-tasking OCD I have been feeling is being replaced with a more focused laser-like ability to get done what is in front of me in a shorter time-block so that I may move on, focused, to the next task. My daughters are noticing a different mommy because of this- and that itself has been worth the price of admission!!!
My D-Factor has gone from 2.5 to 3.something. Its official! I am moving through my life in Anabolic Energy, which is to say, at the very least I am tapping in to my Authentic Self. So, yes! The light has been switched on, as has my capacity for love and happiness. Onward and Upward ho!