Sometimes, a relationship can never even get started or, conversely, it moves too quickly because we do not take time to discern if the person we are dating is an appropriate match. What follows in today’s blog are a few key questions you can ask yourself to determine whether the person you are dating is truly a potential partner.
To begin, we must define a healthy, positive relationship. As Dignity Daters, we want to pursue nurturing relationships that support our growth and development. We don’t want to continue dating a person who is “catabolic,” or negative, because interactions with them are destructive, limiting, and impede our ability to experience life fully or express our true selves. This said, begin your decision making process regarding a person’s “match” potential by:
1. List your criteria for a positive, healthy relationship.
2. Next, consider the following questions, answering each one completely:
What is the energy you bring to the relationship? Are you positive, or do you “leak” the negative, limiting beliefs you have about men and dating into the relationship? Do you make assumptions that what has happened in the past will happen again, even though you are not dating the SAME person. Are you judgmental? Or do you feel judged? Take a full, complete inventory of yourself.
What is the energy the other person brings to the relationship? Is he/she positive? Does he leak his or her assumptions about men, women or dating into the relationship or experiences you share. Is he “present” when you are together or seem distracted. Is he/she consistently bringing 50% minimum into the relationship?
How does this person’s energy impact YOUR energy level? Ask yourself, “How do I feel when I am around this person? Do I feel happy? Energized? Do you feel secure and loving towards them, or do you feel belittled, angry, frustrated and drained? If you have no feelings, or if the two energy levels match, then consider their energy to be “neutral,” then you might want to look closely to see if this relationship holds you where you are, rather than inspiring you to change and grow.
3. Next, make an assessment whether or not this person is “neutral, an “energy drain,” or an “energy gain.”
4. Relationships which increase your energy levels are one’s you may decide to nurture and grow. You may decide to change those relationships which decrease your energy. Finally, you may choose to leave or avoid relationships which are energy drains.
Remember, it’s your responsibility to create the life you love, which includes positive, mutually supportive relationships. Once you have increased awareness in regard to the specific ways in which a person enhances or detracts from the joy you experience, it becomes clear what steps you must take to either change, nurture or leave a relationship.