Why am I still single? This is the question that plagues the woman who comes here. This woman, a woman who has enjoyed success in so many other areas of her life, has been unsuccessful at finding and/or keeping a loving relationship and is mystified. “It doesn’t make sense,” she declares. She will ask this question of her girlfriends, her mother, her best male friend and even her therapist. “Why” she asks again. “Why am I STILL single?” It is in working with women who take the D-Factor Date-ability Assessment that I often uncover the answers to this question. The coaching session which occurs after the online questionnaire is taken lasts approximately 40 minutes, and reveals those beliefs and paradigms a woman has deep inside her heart of hearts, but has not wanted to even admit to herself, let alone anyone else. After all, it is so much easier to blame, or go back to the “It doesn’t make sense,” mantra. So then, why are you still single? The truth is that most likely you have carried the lessons you learned from past relationships and childhood right into today, and this unconscious junk is now hindering your ability to attract the right kind of man – a man who is capable of engaging in a healthy dating process and ultimately committing to relationship. Here are a few of the most prevalent answers to “Why am I still single,” based on the majority of D-Factor Assessments I debrief: 1. Your “limiting beliefs” are so unconscious you believe they are the TRUTH. 2. You believe you have to protect yourself. 3. You don’t trust men, and feel that you have to fight to get what you want. 4. You need to be right, and most often don’t even know that this is leaking into nearly all your conversations and relationships. 5. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and are in constant state of worry. 6. You don’t respond. You react. These are just a few of the “highlights,” of what is revealed during a D-Factor Debrief Session. What’s most important to note is that these core answers apply to more than 90 percent of the women I coach. However, take note. If you were reading this list and thought to yourself, “These don’t really apply to me,” I invite you to take the assessment then and get YOUR specific answer. The truth is, the Assessment does not lie and you may be shocked at your results. What’s more powerful than the Assessment however, is that real, lasting change is possible once these truths are uncovered and the work is done to transform them into a new set of beliefs and attitudes. Here are just two examples. Meet Linda. Linda was in her mid 30s when she came to me. She felt worthless, hopeless and tired of meaningless hookups. She didn’t love herself, or even see herself as worthy of dating a man who would treat her like a queen. After working with me in a variety of modalities (Group Coaching classes and participating in the Relationship Readiness Retreat) Linda is now dating amazing men – men she used to be afraid to even talk to –and has landed a dream opportunity in London, England. Men of quality are pursuing Linda now, and despite this, she chose to leave one special man behind in her hometown (something she would have NEVER done in the past) while she is working abroad, knowing that it is important for her to create the life she loves now, believing that if he is “the one,” he will be there when she returns. Linda is happy, relaxed, and VERY satisfied with her life, and excited for all the possibilities waiting to unfold. Meet Sheryl. Sheryl is in her mid 50’s and is soon to be an empty nester. Sheryl is successful at work and has been divorced for six years. Sheryl has never dated much, instead focusing most of her attention on her children and creating an independent life – something she didn’t have when she was in her unhealthy marriage. Sheryl came to me because she knew that it was finally HER time – but she was terrified that if she came into relationship she would lose everything she had worked so hard to create. In working with me in a Group Coaching Class as well as privately, Sheryl realized that she had been so busy trying to control, create and manage (as a single divorced mom) that she didn’t even know she was unable to receive love, help or generosity. She had felt such heaviness in her heart, and was so afraid to date. During the work we did together Sheryl learned to RELAX, enjoy her life and receive all sorts of love and attention. She learned to stop working so hard and began to allow things to unfold. In just a few months Sheryl was able to accomplish more of the things on her to-do list than she ever had before – and all without stress. She improved the relationships with her children dramatically, and embarked on a trip she had dreamed of taking. She began to know herself, trust her judgment and feel deeply. Sheryl now feels that she is truly ready to embark on a new part of her journey that includes dating. The lesson in these stories is this: We are not broken. We do not need to be fixed. The truth is, however, that the masks we wear allow us merely the ability to “get through” life. These masks are learned default patterns – nothing more than habits, really — designed to not only keep us stuck, but also to keep us safe. We are NOT our patterns or default tendencies. We are all on a journey in this life, my friends. And, for those who choose to look inside of yourself, and become responsible for CREATING the life you can only dream of having, everything is possible inside of a commitment to the perfect blend of SKILLS, INTENTION and ACTION. What actions will you take today to begin living an authentic life? How will you choose to live a life free of masks and self-protection? What will you do to ensure that your future is more than just a repeat of your past? Take time today to choose to live life as the blank canvas it is. You are the artist and director. Be bold. Take a risk, and let go. The results will be nothing short of miraculous.