One of the steps in my signature “10 Steps to Manifesting Love of Self and Others” includes clearly defining your relationship goals. While it may seem that the primary relationship goal is “obviously” to find and maintain a long-term partnership, there are many instances in which a woman’s relationship goals can include “practice dating skills,” “just have fun,” or even “find a quality, casual companion with whom she can share free time while she focuses on other aspects of her life.”
For those of you who are clearly at the place in your life where you desire a long-term partnership, it’s critical to create a very clear and specific relationship vision. As I round the corner toward the two-year anniversary of my relationship with The Brit in April, I began digging into memorabilia and discovered a journal I used when I was being coached around my own relationship story many years before we met.
The issues and limiting beliefs I grappled with at the time were clear:
Learn how to receive love
Having a relationship will be “too much,” and I will have to sacrifice other parts of my life (including time I spend with my kids).
Attracting men who are “less than” me in order to validate myself and to feel powerful
Believing I’m going to get “tricked” or taken advantage of if I enter into a relationship.
It’s incredible to imagine that these beliefs were so very real for me, and yet it’s this very work I did to move beyond these challenges that ultimately resulted in the relationship I have now with The Brit. While looking through this journal, I also discovered the Relationship Vision I created as part of my process.
In today’s post I’ve decided to share it with you so you can use it as a model to create your own as well as understand that since doing the work to shift and transform, I have manifested this exact vision. Notice that it doesn’t focus on who I want as a partner, but rather who I will BE in relationship. And remember, when I wrote it in 2008, this vision seemed nothing more than complete fantasy as I stood firmly in the beliefs and challenges I described above.
I’m incredibly grateful for the relationship I have built with The Brit, but I also know that it was my willingness to go to any lengths: to work hard and dig into very deep beliefs, to invest in myself, to move into action, and to even be willing to date men who weren’t right for me in order to create it. It was this willingness that resulted in the blessings I now enjoy.
My Relationship Vision – 2008
I don’t sabotage. I don’t throw up walls when I begin to get attached. I am present to all aspects of my self – including my intellect, emotional self, physical self and spiritual self. I get help and advice from my partner when I need it, but it is delivered in a loving and genuinely supportive tone and manner. I have financial assistance to support my lifestyle. I am loving and don’t flee when my heart hurts. I stay open and communicate when I feel threatened, unsure or unsafe. I don’t shut down. I take care of my needs consistently. I am unselfish and appreciate my partner. I am loving and generous. I do not get lazy inside of the relationship or expect the man in my life to do everything for me. But, I ask for help and let my man BE a man! I am supportive and do not judge. I do not try to fix or solve my partner’s problems. I listen and hear. I am not defensive. I incorporate my partner into my family life. I have reasonable expectations. I stand up for my needs by knowing WHAT I need and taking responsibility for myself. I maintain relationships with my friends and have separate time with my partner. I create time to nurture this relationship and do not reject it for social obligations. I am authentic. I move through fear and can receive love. I have power but I am soft, loving and nurturing. I have dignity. I am spontaneous without the fear of being rejected. I take alone time for me. I am funny and really open about who I am.