In my work with male clients, it still surprises me when I hear the array of horrific “dating don’ts” that are innocently committed by the most beautiful, educated and seemingly “perfect” women.
The results are tragic, and I feel quite confident that most of these women have no idea why they are not being asked on date number 2, or are ultimately not pursued after the red flags are hoisted, flown and dominate the country of potential relationship. What’s most important for you to know is that while you may say you would “never “ do these things, there are a host of small, minute “errors” that send men running for the hills in their Nikes.
What follows is my top 3 Unconscious Dating Mistakes made by some of the most beautiful, smart and “together” women who walk unwittingly through the dating jungle:
1. The Medical “Overshare”
It may seem so innocent to share your medical history on a date, especially when the conversation merely started over your choice to say “no” to the gourmet macaroni and cheese your date offers you over the dinner table. However, it is not in your best interest to share your genetic disposition to high cholesterol, pull out the herbal tea you are drinking to cope with menstrual cramps, or even mention your brief experimentation with anti-anxiety medication to get through the recent death of the grandmother who practically raised you that is the reason you keep yawning over dessert.
While these facts do not indicate whether or not your values may match the man with whom you are having these conversations, the truth is that because he asked you out and chose to spend time with you, he may hear these conversational tidbits and fleetingly wonder if your children would have high cholesterol or be prone to anxiety. Although I urge both men and women to simply enjoy a date without the pressure of “is this the one’ mentality and have a “human experience,” it is natural and normal for a man (or woman) to raise an ear to a piece of information that could be a potential red flag.
Quite simply, don’t share any medical information on a 1st, 2nd or even 3rd date. Save this information for later, when he is beginning to dig you, starts to miss you between dates, and thinks you are positively adorable. Then, when the “ugly warts” start to slowly be revealed, he will be able to put it in context of who you TRULY are.
2. The “Get Home Safe” text
The bottom line is this: It is not your responsibility to make sure your date gets home safely. Once you have expressed your gratitude for the date, lauded him with praise regarding the perfect setting and delicious desserts, it is your job to simply end the date with an encouraging smile. (if, in fact, you want to have a 2nd date). Do not text him 30 minutes later to tell him his “smile is awesome,” or “I haven’t enjoyed a date like this in a very long time.” The response most men will have to this type of communication (whether conscious or unconscious) is “YIKES.” Men need to have room to pursue you. Give him space. Give him time. And be patient. Not only does this approach emit feminine energy, it enables you to experience the joy of being pursued.
3. “Come on in!”
If a gentleman is taking you out on Friday night and drives to your residence to pick you up for the date, do not take control of the evening and invite him in for appetizers, a glass of wine, or simply to “hang” while you finish getting ready. The truth is that a true gentleman does not want to be taken off course. When you invite him in he gets slightly confused, perhaps even agitated as the man who is truly looking for a quality long-term relationship wants to take you on the date HE planned. He wants you to be on time, and does not want to have to get into battling with himself over what this “detour” could possibly mean. Do you want to skip dinner to get frisky? Will this mean you are late for your reservations? Keep it simple, let him be in control, and avoid putting yourself into the dangerous territory of sending a possibly mixed message.