I have LOVED the questions I am receiving as part of the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview teleclass tonight. A common thread I have observed is that so many of you deeply crave that partnership yet are darn right confused and frustrated because it has NOT happened. Some of you are so worried about “pushing him away,” others are damn mad that good men seem intimidated by strong women.
The truth is this: I coach men — lot’s of men. And despite the fact that you believe there are not any “quality” men online, the men in your city are all “hicks” or players, or that you have “done it befor and it didn’t work,” the mask you are unconsciously wearing to protect yourself might be hiding the REAL YOU. And guess what? It is the REAL YOU that the amazing guys would be attracted to. The “masked” self could be what is preventing your dreams from coming true.
As a result, you may be putting out vibes unintentionally that are projecting a certain “type,” that is merely a reflection of the bad experiences you have had in that past. And, quite simply, that is what’s NOT working.
There are four “types” of women who roam the dating jungle, and conveniently they seem to be so darn archetypal that they in fact seem to be the main characteristic traits of four women American women have come to love – the women of TV’s famed series, “Sex and the City.” The problem is that in some ways, these types are all versions of chameleons. Chameleons who have adapted to their environment in order to survive. Be willing to cast aside your adaptability in 2011. Put the hurts and disappointments of the past behind you once and for all. Discover the REAL you, because what’s true is that each of you is unique, one-of-a-kind and AMAZING, and that is going to attract the man who will truly make your heart SING!
So then, what follows is a continuation of the brief overview we began of the Dating With Dignity Archetypal Women Who Roam the Dating Jungle. Who are you and how is this impacting your ability to MANifest the love you so deserve?
AKA The Girl Who is the LIFE of the Party
To be honest, I used to have quite a bit of Samantha in me – especially post divorce! I had not dated since the age of 20, and getting “back out there” became reason to go a little nutz! I embraced my “cougar-ness,” developed a fondness for hip hop, and made loads of bad choices. Mostly I had regret. Yet, Samantha seemed to never have that regret. Or did she? Even when she broke up with Smith, claiming she loved herself “more,” I’m not convinced that in the end she just didn’t love herself enough to love someone else. In my practice I meet women who have been “The Life of the Party” and the scars are numerous. You may be a “Life of the Party Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:
“I’m just living in the moment, for the moment”
“I just keep getting humiliated by men and making bad choices”
“Why did I do that?”
“All guys are going to hurt me”
“No one really cares anyway”
“I’ve done a lot of bad things, made a lot of mistakes”
“I still feel like crying when I think about that…”
“I’m embarrassed of my past”
Life of the Party women ultimately believe, in their core, that men will only like or love them if they can “get” something from them. It can be anything from sex to financial support, but most important, the result of this lifestyle can result in feeling like you are living some sort of double – life. Pretending not to care, pretending things don’t hurt, yet filled with regret, tired of 2am texts and feeling unseen, worn out, and sad.
Damn, I SOOO get Carrie! She had all these amazing guys who wanted to date her… but she kept being sucked back in by “Big” The men who adored her, treated her well and were kind just didn’t provide the conflict or require the ‘work” that “Big” provided. In this story, there is a fairytale ending (of sorts), yet for most Scared Girls, without an intervention of some kind, they end up scared, alone and filled with regret. You may be a “Scared Girl” if your thoughts and beliefs run like this:
• I have to protect myself.
• “I don’t think I can survive another break-up”
• “I’ll never let that happen again (hurt / pain / disappointment)”
• “Men can’t be trusted” “They all say that, don’t they?”
• “I’m too picky — I’m really picky”
• “I don’t want to appear too needy”
• “How could I have been so stupid / naive / gullible?”
• “I’m so loving, I have so much to give, I’m so vulnerable…but every time I just get hurt because of it”
Scared Girls ultimately believe, in their heart of hearts, that their painful relationship past will keep repeating itself and as a result become too terrified to let down their guard. They are continually attracted to men who are not available because it is safe, return to ex’es who should stay in the past, and when men who could be good matches come into their world they are not attracted to them, put up walls, or simply leave.
*** If you are interested in learning more about the FOUR dating archtypes and how to have a breakthrough to become HIS type, don’t miss the FREE “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview Teleclass TONIGHT, Sunday, January 16 at 6pm PST.
Use the form below to get the call access details.
Have a question for Marni about dating, men or general life improvement techniques? Ask away! Marni wants to make this personally relevant for YOU!
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