By Lisa Steadman, best selling author of If He’s Not The One, Who Is: What went wrong and what it takes to find Mr. Right
Be honest. Did your New Year’s resolutions for 2011 include some variation of “I want to meet my husband this year!”? Then keep reading. It’s time to set the scene so you can purposefully and powerfully manifest Mr. Right.
First, let’s clarify your REAL resolution. The truth is, I don’t think what you REALLY want is to be married. I believe what you ultimately want – what most single women want – is to find YOUR beautiful, blissful, unique happily ever after story. You want to fall madly in love with Mr. Right. And vice versa.
Why wouldn’t you want that?
Every person on the planet deserves to find healthy and happy love with their perfect partner. There’s just one problem. A lot of single women don’t have all the tools they need to get love right. You may not have all the tools you need to get love right.
I know I didn’t when I was single. Once upon a time, I repeatedly got love WRONG. I chose the wrong men. I didn’t know my own needs, let alone how to communicate my own needs to my partner. I let my emotional baggage rule my relationships. And as a result, my relationships suffered under the tremendous weight of my baggage.
I wasn’t the only one coming to the relationship with unhealthy habits, beliefs, and patterns. My partners weren’t exactly poster children for healthy and happy men. And why would they be? If like attracts like — and it does — I was always attracting my emotional equal. Ay-ay-ay!
You will, too. And that’s why it’s essential to get as healthy and happy with yourself and your own life before becoming somebody’s wife. Before settling down with someone, you’ll want to make peace with yourself, your issues, and any baggage you haven’t already healed. The truth is, nobody can fix you, save you, rescue you, or heal you. That is, no one but Y-O-U.
So if you’re stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your so-so life, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself this year. How do you rescue yourself? Start by following these 4 basic steps:
Step #1: Identify What or Who is Holding You Back
Whether you think your ex was The One, if your dysfunctional family has you running away from getting close to others, or if your beliefs about love have somehow shut you down to the possibility of ever finding it again, keep reading. The first step in opening up to healthy and happy love in 2011 is to identify who and/or what is holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right.
The truth is, your past may be keeping you stuck in ALL areas of your life. To get un-stuck, now’s the time to name and claim your obstacles in order to deal and heal. This may be a step that requires professional help. Enlist the assistance of a therapist, coach, mentor, or friend to work with you through the breaking free process.
Step #2: Release Your Need to Be Right and Surrender to Being Happy
Are you so attached to your beliefs that love has to be difficult, unsatisfying, or impossible to experience that your need to be right is overpowering your desire to be happy? Here are some examples of what I mean:
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, you ARE too old, too fat, too screwed up to ever find love…
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll never meet anyone as amazing as he was ever again…
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your parents screwed you up so badly that there’s no way love can show up for you…
If so, then your need to be right about being single is far more powerful than your desire to change your single status. Starting today, what if you simply chose to be HAPPY? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to no longer believe that it’s hard, impossible, or out of reach for you to experience the kind of love you desire and deserve, how EASY is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to be happy as you are right now, instead of who you may one day become (that debt free, cellulite free, baggage-free ideal we long to become but may never actually attain), how FREEING is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is surrender to the beautiful truth that love IS available for you, that it’s not too late, that you’re open to it showing up any day now, how FABULOUS is that?
Today, surrender your need to be right about why you’re still single and instead choose a happier and healthier love future, even if it hasn’t shown up yet.
Step #3: Celebrate Good Men
Now that you’ve identified who and what may have been holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right, and have surrendered to the fact that happiness is so much sexier than the need to be right, it’s time to take the next step in your journey towards meeting your husband. It’s time to start celebrating the good men already IN your life. The truth is, there are good men EVERYWHERE, both already in your life and just passing through on a daily basis. However, if you do not see them, acknowledge them, and celebrate them, you will forever sabotage your chances of meeting your husband. Start paying attention to the men who open doors for you, who help you fix your flat tire, who share their umbrella with you, who smile at you, etc. Celebrate these simple acts by good men and before you know it, you’ll start appreciating men more and more. And when the right one comes along, you’ll be ready to recognize and celebrate HIM!
Step #4: Become The Chooser
So many women spend years — decades even — letting other people choose what’s best for them. They let their parents tell them what to do. They let boyfriends and ex-husbands tell them what to do. They let their alpha female friends tell them what to do. They let their jobs and bosses tell them what to do. And they remain in the passenger seat of their lives.
So how do you become The Chooser in your life? First, you stop WAITING for opportunities to find YOU. Specifically, you stop sitting around, hoping some guy will notice you. You STOP attending singles events and lurking on online dating sites just hoping and praying someone will see you, fall madly in love with you, and rescue you from your humdrum life.
Instead, you get ballsy, put yourself out there, smile, make eye contact, and talk to men on a daily basis (at the grocery store, in the latte line, in the elevator at work, at the gym, in line for popcorn at the movies, while rollerblading on the beach, on the subway, at the bookstore, while volunteering for that cause near and dear to your heart, while enjoying live music at your favorite hot spot, at the chiropractor, at yoga class, etc.) See how many opportunities there are in every day life to make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation? Have fun with this!
Step 5: Understand the Difference Between Mr. Wrong, Mr. Next, and Mr. Right
As you start meeting men in 2011, pay attention to which category you put them in. Mr. Wrong is the guy you’ve dated and ultimately assessed that he does not measure up to your long term wants, needs, and desires. Mr. Next is a guy you’ve met and started to get to know. He shows a whole lot of promise, and yet you’re withholding your final decision until you find out more about him. He could be your husband, but for now he’s Mr. Next. And that’s a good thing! Mr. Right is that elusive, once or twice in a lifetime guy who comes along, meets your wants, needs, and requirements, shares similar goals and plans for the future, and is interested and available for commitment with you. AND, you are interested in him and available for commitment with him. Trust me, this guy is worth the wait. If you haven’t found him yet, you’re well on your way.
For more tips on how to meet your husband in 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles: http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
You can also pick up my e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right: