When it comes to finding long-lasting love, it’s critical that you break free from your romantic rut and have begun the journey toward unraveling the limiting thoughts, beliefs, and stories you may have taken on as YOUR identity based on past dating and relationship experiences. Before digging into what characteristics and qualities are found in the woman who’s truly relationship-ready (a Dignity Dater), make sure you’ve overcome the following common roadblocks.
1. While you see yourself as optimistic, filled with positivity, and possessing a sunny attitude, you may still believe, in your core, that dating is hard… or you might be left behind… or you really aren’t good enough to land an amazing man… or because of your situation and circumstance it really is harder for you to be successful. If you haven’t manifested the relationship you’re looking for, and you see yourself as “positive,” it’s worth your time to check in and make sure your unconscious and conscious thoughts truly match. (The D-Factor Process is a great tool to discover what’s really going on inside your noggin!
2. When the crap hits the fan (despite your best efforts), the default thoughts and patterns whoosh back into your emotional repertoireemdash;sucking you back into your romantic rut (AKA, your mental spin cycle). As a result, you expend a ton of energy just getting “back” to positivity instead of mastering new skillsemdash;and moving into even higher vibrational frequencies that are required to effortlessly attract love and opportunity into your life.
It took me more than three years of dating, soul-searching, coaching, and retreat-type work to become truly relationship-readyemdash;so understand that it most often doesn’t happen “by accident!” However, once you’ve had your “big breakout,” you will have truly become a Dignity Dateremdash;the Fifth Female Dating Archetype!
A Dignity Dater dates with dignity, having an expressed interest in finding a partner who’s confident, independent, and has the skills necessary to communicate to create win-win opportunities for both partners. This ability to communicate effectively is one of the MOST important skills in becoming a Dignity Dater: a woman who most men will consider girlfriend, wife, or long-term partnership material.
Why? The answer is, quite frankly, because the man who is Mr. Boyfriend Material won’t put up with your crap. He won’t let you sulk; he won’t be manipulated by your tears (not 100 percent, that is); he expects you to communicate your needs; and he expects you to have boundaries, express your expectations directly, and allow him to engage in activities that fulfill the essence of who he is. In addition, he knows you won’t take everything he says as a personal rejection, acceptance, or declaration of his love for you.
What’s more, here are a few key signs to look for to know if you’re truly relationship-ready: a Dignity Dater who will attract Mr. Boyfriend (or husband, or long-term partnership) Material:
- You’re truly in a place where you feel confident and secure in knowing that your ability to provide, care-take, or rock his world in bed is NOT what men are looking for in a partner. Women who are most confident, secure, and ready to be in an exclusive, long-term relationship feel “settled” in knowing that life offers opportunity after opportunityemdash;and that if the man they’re dating doesn’t meet their needs, it’s just one more stepping stone on the journey toward love and intimacy.
In addition, the Dignity Dater has her list of FIVE non-negotiables that were created from a place of love, not fear of re-creating bad past relationships (eg., created from a place of “I want my partner to have passion for his work and financial security” v. “The new guy has to make his own money because I’m sick of being the sugar mama.”) In addition, if the Dignity Dater is dating someone who’s still climbing the ladder to emotional maturity and financial security, she’s able to be patient as he moves through these phases of manhood because he is able to show up for her in other ways that do meet her needs.
- Your words and actions match. A woman who’s capable of a long-term relationship has integrity; and as a result, her words and actions match. You will call when you say, and you’ll not play games that come from a place of insecurity. You won’t have to “white-knuckle” it through “waiting for him to call,” because you’re confident and trust that the Universe will provide. While you’re excited endash; and even anxious, hoping he’ll call endash; these feelings don’t rock your world because you’re always in control of your life… and your perspective of it. You know that everything always works out for the best, even when you don’t see it that way at the time. If you date a man who doesn’t follow through on his promises, you’re comfortable telling him it’s not a match, letting him go, and moving on. (Again, while you may be sad and disappointed, you’re able to gather your energy and hoist it up into high levels because of your core belief that “everything works out for the best.”
- A Dignity Dater simply doesn’t play games. You don’t wait 24 hours before returning his phone call, and you don’t “vanish” to draw him into your world. When you date a man who’s interested in pursuing you, you let him know in a way that’s appropriate. (For example, not creepy stalker-type behavior, over-texting, over–sharing, or having sex too soon.) On all dates, whether he’s a match or not, the Dignity Dater is always gracious, kind, and authentic. Knowing that Mr. Boyfriend Material is attracted to confident women, you’re not afraid to claim to him (when appropriate) and the world you’re looking for a long-term relationship.
- A Dignity Dater possesses an ability to express her feelings directly. You won’t manipulate with silence, criticize him, or walk away. When you have a need, or it feels like you must discuss something pertaining to the relationship, you don’t hesitate to bring it up. When the man you date tells you he needs to spend time with friends, chooses to work, or wants to go to the gym, you don’t take it personally. He’ll expect that you respect his needs, and he won’t take his desire to pursue his life independently of you as rejection. He’ll treat you in kind.
- While it may seem obvious, a Dignity Dater only dates men who are currently single. (This means he is NOT in a relationship, “getting divorced,” or in a relationship with someone who just doesn’t seem to understand him like you do.) As a result, you date men who are emotionally available to pursue a relationship with you.
- While you’re incredibly attracted to the men you date, you don’t believe you’re expected to kiss him at the end of the first or second date. You don’t believe that his desire to have you in his life long term is based on your willingness to have sex with him… AT ALL. You’re confident enough to recognize that it’s best to wait until you know him better to pursue sexual intimacy. What’s more, if he does “try” to get in your pants on the first few dates, you’re comfortable saying NO. In addition, you’ll be able to effectively communicate your “contract.” (Meaning you’ve set this boundary before beginning to date and can then articulate it; e.g, “when we’re monogamous,” “when we’re married,” etc.)
- A woman who is relationship-ready can identify her needs and is conscious of her emotions. She can express them appropriately and has mastered the art of the “pause,” allowing her time to respond instead of react when she’s triggered.
- A Dignity Dater doesn’t see “bumps” or difficulties with the man she’s dating as reason to break up or leave a relationship. She’s able to gently give the man she’s dating the benefit of the doubt and will try to resolve conflict. If, however, she’s dating a man and has experienced several “red flag” moments consistently, she’ll leave the relationship in a loving, kind, and compassionate way.
- A Dignity Dater is able to receive love and can shift into her feminine energy effortlessly when necessary. She can create space for the men in her life to provide, support, and nurture. She doesn’t have to do everything “her way” because it/s faster, better, or superior. She doesn’t have to be “right,” and she can allow her man to love her because she is not, in her heart of hearts, afraid that if she allows love into her life, it will kill her to lose it.
- In sum, a woman who is a Dignity Dater has the following viewpointsemdash;and thus her core thoughts may run like this:
- Life is a wonderful opportunity, and the purpose is to live and experience without judgment
- I don’t see things as good or bad; things just are.
- There is no need to control my life; I’m comfortable with how things naturally seem to unfold.
- I trust my intuition over facts.
- There is power in partnership; together we can create miracles, even if we/re not necessarily a good match.
- Life cannot be won or lost, only played.
- No matter what appears to be, it’s always a win.
- Everything is always working out as it happens.
- I continue to learn more about who I am and what life is about.
- I’m connected to a Universal source.
- Success comes from within, and it’s always up to me to feel successful.
- I continually get better and better; the past is not “me.”
- In short, a woman who’s looking for a relationship is confident, mature, unafraid to be vulnerable, and feels comfortable with commitment. She’ll want to engage in a variety of actions that show kindness, is able to receive, and loves making sacred time to spend with her partner. You know that sex, your achievements, or what you “do” is not his primary motive for calling you or asking you outemdash;and that he doesn’t expect you to sleep with him until YOU are ready… which can be three months, six months, or even until marriage. Miss Girlfriend (or wife or long-term partnership) Material is seeking an interdependent relationship with a man who wants the same.
If you’re ready to discover what roadblocks might be keeping you stuck endash; knowing that just a minor tweak could catapult you into achieving the love relationship you truly desire endash; please listen to the replay of the most recent “Ignite Your Life” Sneak Preview call in which we discussed the FOUR Female Dating Archetypes, plus learned new skills to help bridge the gap between breaking from your romantic rut to becoming a Dignity Dater.