Masculine Energy. Why Do You Have it and How Do You Change it?
More than ninety percent of the women who take the Dating With Dignity D-Factor, Date-Ability Assessment are shocked to know that more than forty percent of their total available positive, “date me” energy is vibrating at low levels. Most importantly, these low energy levels are broadcasting messages that, in fact, cause men to move away from you as a potential partner and ultimately report to their friends and family, “there was no chemistry,” “she was “intimidating” or, she seemed, “aloof.”
That said, how can you know if your energy is primarily masculine? First, it’s important to know where your masculine energy comes from. Your masculine energy was mostly created because of unconscious thoughts, feelings and core beliefs you adopted based on previous life experiences. In short, what happened in your past determined the core beliefs you currently hold. For example, if you “learned” that you have to fight to get what you want, or believe, in your core, that your worth is based on what you have achieved, then you might unconsciously leak masculine energy during the intelligent conversations you have, points of view you articulate, your ability to receive a compliment, or even how you express your sense of humor. In short, there are 12 core beliefs that can contribute to and thus leak masculine energy on a date.
1. People are fundamentally condemning and persecuting. You are ultimately going to cut me down, hurt my feelings, or make me feel like I am not good enough.
2. You (potential date) are a threat to my safety. (meaning my ability to maintain my happiness, protect myself against heartbreak and loss)
3. If you don’t like me, it’s your loss. (said in an attempt to repair my damaged ego.)
4. I must protect myself by appearing aloof, putting up walls or not appear that I am interested or vulnerable.
5. I must save face at all costs and therefore will pretend (to myself) that I don’t care you didn’t call back, ask me out again, or caused me disappointment.
5. People only listen to me/like me if there is a benefit (which, in many cases, you believe is the fact that he will ultimately get sex).
6. All good things are bad for you and this “high” I am feeling when I am with you is bad, not real or a game which I will ultimately lose.
7. Don’t screw with me. I don’t need this shit. I am fine on my own, and will survive “happily” if you try to hurt me in any way.
8. I don’t play games; you won’t “win” this dating game. (Some women actually express these words prior to the first date or shortly therafter.)
9. My worth is based on what I have achieved so let me share with you ALL my achievements, accomplishments and experiences. I want to make sure you know how awesome I think I am.
10. Black and white thinking. There is no grey, middle ground or maybe. In fact, you are either “in” or “out.” I will judge your behavior and put you in the correct category immediately.
11. I’ll forgive you if you earn it, but I won’t let it go. If you were late once, I will hold on to it, and possibly make sarcastic comments regarding the incident. You have to “earn” back my affection.
12. My actions are justified, it’s your fault. I am right.
What’s exceptionally powerful is that these statements reflect CORE BELIEFS and are not simply random thoughts that move effortlessly in and out of your intellectual “spin cycle.” If any of the examples in this list resonate for you, and you actually would tell someone that these are “true,” (by providing specific examples) then it is imperative that you begin to dig into where you learned these beliefs, and get clear on whether or not you are willing to unwind these beliefs into positive beliefs that are reflective of a person who is able to be in a successful, healthy and loving partnership.
Curious as to what your core unconscious beliefs are, and how they may be impacting your ability to date successfully? Check out the D-Factor Dateability Assessment and schedule your coaching debrief with Marni now.