I have worked in the night club industry in LA for the past 5 years, helping run doors and promoting various nights. My job is to make it look good inside so there is a great vibe, a classy crowd, and a healthy amount of women. I have to make certain decisions about who gets in, what parties we can and cannot take care of, who we can sell tables to, and regulating a ratio of women to men. I work with DJ’s, lighting companies, party planners, benefit promoters, various venues, bands, dance troupes, multi-media companies, and liquor companies to help sculpt and develop unique brands of nights that attract a certain crowd that parties all night and buys multiple drinks at the bar. Now, we can have the hottest venue in town, an appearance by Kobe Bryant, the most sought after DJ in town, but there is one facet of a night that trumps everything. Without it, your night crashes and no one will ever come back. With it…you can hold a party anywhere, anytime, and with none of the accoutrements I listed above. It is…wait for it…women.

Women run the nightclub industry. Unless you are a rocking gay club in Boy’s Town, every night life establishment’s success is predicated on the population of women that attend. Every decision we make, from hiring of staff to developing our guest list, is based on what women want. You literally make the club world go round. Now, I don’t write this as in intro into the club business but more to use the club world as a microcosm to the dating world. Like a promoter trying to throw the hottest night in LA, a man is trying to create the hottest date for you. Not for him, not for his friends, not for his mother. Every choice he makes, from calling you, asking you out, picking the destination, to the kind of music that will be playing in his car when he picks you up, is ALL BASED ON YOU. Granted the intentions of each man might differ: one might craft a night to sleep with you, one might craft a night to sweep you off your feet, or one might craft a night to just get to know you. But in all cases, it is about you.

The reason I bring this up is that I hang out with my gals who are friends, and I get the feeling that they place themselves in a lower status to the man on these dates. As if the date is the man’s date and the women are just hoping they impress him and get asked for the second one. I was out with a gal last night and she was telling me that all guys in NYC just want to hook-up first and then go from there. She was almost caving into the idea that in order to actively date in NYC, she would have to accept this hook-up introduction and then see if more dates were possible. Something to keep in mind…you hold the keys. Whether we are trying to get in your pants, get into your heart, or just get close to you, we need to have you in all scenarios. So, you have a lot more power than you think. Think about that when you go on your next date and you might be a little nervous, lacking in self esteem, or worried about what he might think. Sure, it is his date in a sense that he asked you out and is paying for the date, but it is yours as well…you are the center of his attention and you can guide that anyway you want (so use those good Dating With Dignity skills to lead it a healthy and respectful night).

Men love women. Period. We adore you. Your presence, your femininity, your sexuality, your tenderness, your intrigue, your interest. You balance our competitive, aggressive, action motivated masculinity in a way that just makes us melt and want to sit in your presence all night. So when you are getting ready for your next date, affirm to yourself the two way street you are about to get on. As much as you want to make a great impression and “wow” the man sitting across from you, he is doing the exact same thing and coming up with a game plan all based on you. The “pick me” mentality should go right out the window. He is hoping the same from you. You hold much more power than you think, and when you embrace it (with humble arms) it is the sexiest thing in the world.
Have fun out there.
CA